To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

Just don't do the Xmas meal at all?

If money is tight then it's tight. I'm surprised you all let your boss put her mouth where your money was for 7 years if I'm honest. Fuck that noise. Its like the people who have a shit load of food and say 'lets split the bill' without considering if a) everyone drank alcohol and had equal food and b) wants too. Putting their mouths where others money lays.

Go and tell her you can't afford to do it this year and going forward, let your friend who is also looking to cancel know that you have too.

The main reasons you guys covered meals for trainees was their personal situations (low income students) and that made perfect sense. Now if the situations of these trainees are different and they drive better cars, to me, that reason is not valid in such case. They could be told, we have a dinner gathering, here is the price, are you in? But for that, I guess you would need everyone on the team on board before approaching them. I would throw the idea in and then, if others don't agree, I'd pay for their meal anyway because it's not a massive deal either. Sometimes things are not quite fair, but at least you tried.

Personally would have no problem telling a Syrian refugee I am paying for your meal and a Russian oligarch that I am not (grin)

YABU - it's a tradition regardless of whether you like them or they can afford it. If money is that tight you should maybe just give it a miss.

If money is that tight you should maybe just give it a miss.

Op should miss her own work Christmas gathering because she doesn't have a spare £20 to spend on other people? Or doesn't want to spend £20 effectively on Christmas presents for people she doesn't actually like that much?

Paying for other people should not be a prerequisite for attending your own work christmas event. If she can afford to pay for herself then there's no reason she shouldn't go.

It's not that long ago that I was the 'trainee' in my team. I'm also about a decade younger than everyone else (give or take a few years) and paid significantly less (at the time it was about a third of the next lowest paid person). I'd have been absolutely mortified if someone in my team (particularly when they are a long standing member of the team and I was only there to train) didn't go to a team meal because they couldn't afford the extra expense of paying for my meal too.

I would be blunt with my manager a simple email with

HI manager,
Are we doing anything doing xmas this year. I only ask due to personal situations i have had to budget and this year unfortunately i will only be able to pay for myself. I know it is tradition to pay extra for interns but my situation does not allow it this year. If this is still the case i will have to miss this years celebration.
I hope you understand.

Job done. She cant force ypu to pay and cannot discriminate against you either.

To the pp who said oh its only and extra £20. I don't have an extra 20p at this time of year, good on you if you do. Do you want to pay for my xmas do? cant go because i cant afford it. but if someone wants to pay for me then great but i wouldnt expect it! £20 is ALOT if money to some.people. its a extra present, or even the cost of xmas dinner for the family!

If you don't want to pay for them because you feel there is no financial need that seems reasonable. Because you don't like them, not reasonable at all.

Why don't you suggest to management that as the interns are in a different situation this year that they should pay for themselves. And then end the tradition. You can then decide on a year by year basis whether you want to treat the trainees.

A couple of people is 2, not 5-6.
Either don’t go or pay it. You can’t pick and choose, there may be years when you like the interns but someone else doesn’t.

You can’t pick and choose

Why not?

Why should the OP lose out on a nice social gathering with her colleagues, that she deserves after a year of hard work? That's not even logical let alone fair.

Because the team has decided this is what they do and the op has happily gone along with it to to now. She just didn’t want to pay because she didn’t much like these interns. Their financial circumstances are irrelevant. Previous students might have been really well off, they still hit paid for.

I think you are massively over complicating this. I would just say that you don’t want to contribute. Say you didn’t mind when it was for skint students but you don’t want to contribute for another adult. There is no need to explain further and there is no need to plead poverty either. That’s no ones business but your own.

I presume the interns have no idea that this is a tradition. I’d be surprised if they expected anyone to pay for them. I don’t understand why this is such a dilemma.

@TheKitchenWitch If you read what I wrote before, it's not about a personal dislike. We have had trainees for the past 7 years, some we got on better with than with others. It's about them not doing their job and us paying for their meal as a 'thank you' on top of having not one, but two trainees this year and the meal being already expensive as it is.

Anyhow, spoke to one colleague, mentioned the costs of the meal look quite high this year. She said something along the lines that a few people mentioned it but that we knew it when we picked the restaurant.

Anyways we saw the manager as we were having lunch, so spoke to her then, she thought the extra cost surely would not be that much- which it will be, I actually calculated it at lunch, sad as it is, and even with people not ordering alcohol as someone here suggested (which they will- and anyways even if we stick to non alcoholic drinks, no one will sat there the whole evening sipping tap water and one glass of orange juice), with service charge it will add on a consederable extra. Unfortunately my manager, nice as they are, are also a bit clueless in terms of money and seem to think everyone financially confortable because why wouldn't you. It brought some sour memories of that one time when she ordered a lot of pricey starters 'to share', but they were really tiny and not really enough for everyone (none of us has ever been to the place before), which jacked up the bill to something ridiculous as we split the bill. Luckily we have all been paid a bonus that year, and then I totally forgot about it. This year there won't be bonuses to sweeten up the bill unfortunately.
We said we'd love to come but would only be able to pay for our meals and that we know that's not what we usually do, but circumstances changed and voila. We didn't mention anything about the two ladies' financial situation, just stuck to the- we would love to have a lovely meal like any other year, but financially can't make it, happy to look into a cheaper alternatives, to which she said everyone was really excited about that particular place, it would be a shame not to go but she said she was going to tal to people and see what to do. Not really sure if she wants to guilt trip us into going as otherwise we will be 'spoiling' the dinner or what, but my enthusiasm for the meal dwindled at this stage.
At worst will just go there with my husband another time and have a nice time.

Have you decided what you are going to do OP? In your place I would just not go if I felt so strongly about it. Although I am very anti-social so would love an excuse to miss the office Christmas meal (and I like all of my colleagues!).

*Was meant to add, we saw the manager as I was having a chat with the other chap who was thinking of pulling out because of the cost, I think I edited something out and removed part of the paragraph.

She clearly can pick and choose if she wants @TheKitchenWitch it’s her money and she can spend it or not spend it as she sees fit.

Why is your manager that bothered about paying for them or not? If she feels that strongly she can pay for them herself. What skin is off her nose if they have to pay for themselves?

Are the trainees even aware of this. I would find it odd that they're comfortable with workers not better off than them paying for their meals.
If someone was to tell me we have a tradition of paying trainees meal cos so far they're usually young on a tight budget ones, I d sure to say oh that's very kind of you all, don't bother this year cos I can very well afford my meal. Maybe they think company is paying?

Ok maybe I wouldn't say young, it s quite irrelevant.

I think it’s very acceptable to say to your manager in advance that you can only afford to pay for your own meal this year.

I think for the sake of 20 quid to just suck it up really .I know its annoying but you run the risk of being seen as a bit petty .In the long run these two will soon be gone and you will have the youngsters back .

Tell your team lead that the ‘Christmas tradition’ is not working for you and perhaps you should vote on whether it continues or not

I think an important point here is, it is not up to your boss to decide how you spend your money. I would never let a colleague dictate how I spent my money. Once when I was in my late 20s, I was in a job where someone asked me for £15 towards wine and chocolate for lower paid staff. This was about 15 years ago. I stupidly agreed. Others moaned but still paid. Now I would just say - no.

I don't think you should pay. We contribute every year to admin staff, they are paid a lot less than us, although the business has changed and we all earn less than we used to, we do appreciate them, and do want to say thank you, but if they were all better off than us we wouldn't pay. I imagine these interns will see themselves differently also, will understand the difference from helping poor students, from helping well off career changers, so they probably don't expect it anyway.