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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my husband to share a hotel room with MIL?

396 replies

UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 10:25

Husband is away attending to family business next week. It is just over an hour away from where we live.

It was agreed he would stay overnight the first night as it involves an early start and a late finish. Now I have learned that MIL has booked him and her into a twin hotel room for TWO nights.

She has always been overbearing, has no boundaries and has caused significant problems (along with FIL) over the course of our relationship.

I think this sharing a room business is grim and have told him I don't want him sharing a room with her. He thinks I am being horrible.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 17/11/2019 16:54

Fuck me. As the mother of a son I absolutely dread the through of him being with someone who would be jealous of him sharing a room with me.
He came out my vagina, he fed at my breast, I cleaned shit off his penis... I doubt there are any secrets left!!

Alsohuman · 17/11/2019 17:04

I think she's being cautious, and sensible

In what way is she being sensible and cautious?

Lizzie0869 · 17/11/2019 17:22

Even if the MIL is controlling and lacking boundaries (my DM is like this and it is hard to deal with), this isn't the way to challenge her. Because all the OP is doing is giving her MIL ammunition to drive a wedge between her and her DH.

I think it's important to pick her battles. Her controlling MIL isn't going to suddenly become any more or less controlling as a result of whether or not she shares a twin room with her DS.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/11/2019 17:37

Surely OPs MIL would want her own room for this reason!??

But the twin is her suggestion. If she wanted her own room, why would she suggest doing the opposite?

NumbersStation · 17/11/2019 18:12

Perhaps the OP is worried she’ll stuff him back in again

I actually think the MIL will have to reinforce her gusset because he’s likely to want to crawl back up there of his own volition if he gets this kind of grief all the time.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 17/11/2019 18:17

You for real? You know he used to live inside his mum at one point, yeah? Get a grip FFS. Grim?!!!

BackforGood · 17/11/2019 18:42

I'm just confused that 7% of people who voted don't think the OP IBU Confused

I don't suppose UnderHisEyeball will be coming back to share with us why this arrangement concerns her ????

Candle1000 · 17/11/2019 18:46

I’ve bloody heard it all now 🙄

Babynut1 · 17/11/2019 19:21

Oh come on it is a bit weird. I’d share a hotel room with my mum but would I share a hotel room with me dad? No way! I love the guy to bits but the thought of sharing a room with him and is both using the room to dress and undress would make me feel really uncomfortable and awkward!

Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 19:24

I agree babynut. I wouldn't want to share with my dad but would with my mum. It's easier to get their own room than one change in the loo etc.

Alsohuman · 17/11/2019 19:29

It's easier to get their own room than one change in the loo etc.

And much more expensive. These things matter on a tight budget.

shrumps · 17/11/2019 19:33

As the mother of only boys, I feel a bit sad that anyone would think this is 'grim', but at the same time wouldn't really fancy sharing a room with my dad so I suppose it cuts both ways.

GnomeDePlume · 17/11/2019 19:38

BackforGood I am confused that you are confused. Not everybody thinks/feels the same way.

For me the whole thing seems strange. Two nights in a hotel when the destination is only an hour away. If cost was an issue then surely they would just go there and back in the day? Why two nights if the aim is just to avoid an early start?

It all seems a bit contrived so that MiL gets to spend two nights in a hotel with the DH. Not just catching up over breakfast & dinner but sharing the same room.

I would feel uncomfortable with this if my DH wasnt uncomfortable.

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2019 19:39

It's easier to get their own room than one change in the loo etc.

Unless she's wearing huge Victorian attire, it takes a few minutes to change in the bathroom Confused

AK86xo · 17/11/2019 19:46

OP, I suspect what this may really be about is the fact that your MIL has been overbearing and caused problems in your relationship, so naturally it is rubbing you the wrong way that your husband is now spending two nights with her considering what has gone on. I guess you have some unresolved feelings?

Also, there are mothers out there who do have their sons fulfil the roles that their husband should have, and use their sons as a surrogate spouse. Thats when it can become grim. Not sure if that is the case here without any background.

MrMeSeeks · 17/11/2019 19:51

I think you’re being ridiculous.
What is the problem?
It’s his mom.

Cam77 · 17/11/2019 20:01

It’s a bit weird though. I mean weird as in “unusual” nothing wrong with it at all, but as a male I think very, very few men would like to share a room with their mum. Dad maybe... but Mum? I would personally find it extremely weird , but as I said to each their own.

Vulpine · 17/11/2019 20:06

I think its very peculiar. Lacking boundaries.

Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 20:10

I just mean it's less faff to share same sex isn't it? But yes of course if it is a budget issue then I understand.

Do people share with their dads then?

Cam77 · 17/11/2019 20:12

@Vulpine
Yeah it is. Particularly given the OP states (assuming it’s objectivel the case) that she’s a bit of a troublemaker. It’s something that most men (certainly Western men) would find a little bit weird about on the whole primal/Freud type level. If money is tight then, ok fine, but otherwise, hmmm...

Alsohuman · 17/11/2019 20:12

Lacking boundaries.

What boundaries? We all set our own, do we not?

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:15

You mean his mother yes? I can understand your frustration with mother in laws. Mine is over bearing too but I really cannot see a massive problem with this. He’s her son and it’s not really your place to decide.

user1471449295 · 17/11/2019 20:18

I think a grown man sharing a room with his mother is a little weird, but I wouldn’t tell him I’m not happy with the idea nor tell him he can’t. I would secretly think:little bit weird, but keep it to myself

Vulpine · 17/11/2019 20:18

Alsohuman - i meant mil is lacking boundaries as she is the one who booked it. Im pretty sure my brothers wouldn't want to share with our mum or my sons with me. But each to their own

MrsKoala · 17/11/2019 20:20

I've been to New York and Brussels with my Dad, I was 21 when we went to New York and we shared a room with twin beds and then I took him for a significant birthday to Brussels when I was about 30 and we had booked a twin room and were given a double. They had nothing else so we just slept in the same bed for 2 nights. It was fine.

We often take the kids swimming and use a family changing room. We just both turn and face the wall and no one looks at each others bits!