to not want my husband to share a hotel room with MIL?

[UnderHisEyeBall]

Husband is away attending to family business next week. It is just over an hour away from where we live.

It was agreed he would stay overnight the first night as it involves an early start and a late finish. Now I have learned that MIL has booked him and her into a twin hotel room for TWO nights.

She has always been overbearing, has no boundaries and has caused significant problems (along with FIL) over the course of our relationship.

I think this sharing a room business is grim and have told him I don't want him sharing a room with her. He thinks I am being horrible.

AIBU?

[MorganKitten]

Do you think there’s some Norman / Norma Bates stuff going on?

[LemonPrism]

It's his mum? Who cares?

[midnightmisssuki]

Wait. So you think they might have sex or something?! 😳

[LemonPrism]

You are being horrible. He came out of her vagina, sharing a room is minute in their relationship. She grew himself and then raised him

[Pumpkintopf]

Op on a previous thread of yours from the 5th of November you said your DH was no contact with your MIL - has this now changed sufficiently that he feels comfortable sharing a room, and time with her?

Perhaps if so if it will lead to a better family dynamic it should be encouraged, unless you think it will affect his anxiety that you've also posted about.

I hope you find a solution you are both happy with.

[Dita73]

This isn’t about a hotel room. This is about the fact that he’s close to his mum and you’re insanely jealous. You don’t want to share him in any way. Unfortunately for you,she was there long before you were and the chances are she’ll get priority. It’s good that he’s close to his family but you seem very threatened by it. The best thing you can try to do is “join the pack”. You’ll enjoy yourself more but if you do the opposite then you’ll always be the troublemaking outsider

[MissBaebary]

Do you eat breakfast fully clothed on holiday/when visiting/having visitors?

Er , yes. I'd think it the height of rudeness not to get fully dressed.

How do you feel about seeing relatives in swimming costumes?

I would never actually be in a situation where this would happen.

What makes you so afraid of your male relatives?

What are you on about? I never said anything about male relatives. I don't want to see any relatives undressed or in sleepwear.

[Ginger1982]

"How do you feel about seeing relatives in swimming costumes?

I would never actually be in a situation where this would happen."

So you never go on holiday with family?

[katewhinesalot]

There is nothing wrong with it in essence

However

In the context of mil treating dh like a child and stamping over boundaries then I see why it could be seen as just another way of controlling him.

Either way, it's up to dh really.

[GnomeDePlume]

It is interesting that the proportion of YABU/YANBU has remained fairly constant throughout this thread

I am not surprised OP hasnt come back. There have been some fairly unpleasant comments made as part of a bit of a pile in. As a PP has alluded to, it does look like there is a great big back story.

[caperberries]

I am not surprised OP hasnt come back. There have been some fairly unpleasant comments made as part of a bit of a pile in. As a PP has alluded to, it does look like there is a great big back story.

Agreed, mumsnet at its worst IMO

[runoutofideasnow]

Tbh unless the back story is mil trying to have sex with her son then I'm not sure what the relevance would be to them sharing a room.

[LucieeMorningstar]

If the back story was so important to the context why not include it in the first place? Even a short, watered down version would be better than OP deciding she didn't want her husband to share a room...with his mother.

My automatic reaction is why? What do you think is going to happen? Even if OP thinks her MIL is doing this to be controlling, what is her DH doing? He seems perfectly fine with it. So, as the saying goes she has a DH problem but honestly all everyone got is OP deciding her DH can't share a room with her mother.

[user1480989751]

I think the biggie for me is why is it the MIL doing the booking? For goodness sake, he's married now. Also, what is her business in that hotel room? I feel she should take care of husband and let the couple be. . Meanwhile, I have no issues with him being with his mum but certain things are better handled by the couple. MIL should go and nurse her husband!

[Elbeagle]

Why should the MIL be taking care of and nursing her husband? Is he ill?

[WarmSausageTea]

I am not surprised OP hasnt come back. There have been some fairly unpleasant comments made as part of a bit of a pile in. As a PP has alluded to, it does look like there is a great big back story.

But the OP chose to post in AIBU, probably knowing that it can be a bear-pit (not that it should be, but that’s another thread), and giving the barest of details, from which, in my opinion, she comes across as unreasonable, controlling and ridiculous. And I’m clearly not alone in feeling this way. If she wanted more nuanced responses, the onus was entirely upon her to go into more detail.

And frankly, as an adult man who recently shared a room with his mother (out of necessity, rather than choice), I find her comment about the arrangement being grim unpleasant, and I’d be very interested to see how she might choose to justify her choice of words. Which, so far as I can see, she has failed to do, despite being asked to clarify what exactly she finds grim about it.

[MissBaebary]

"How do you feel about seeing relatives in swimming costumes?

I would never actually be in a situation where this would happen."

So you never go on holiday with family?

What a strange conclusion to reach. Not all holidays involve beaches.

[Lizzie0869]

*Do you eat breakfast fully clothed on holiday/when visiting/having visitors?
*
Er , yes. I'd think it the height of rudeness not to get fully dressed.

That's totally daft, however. What exactly are dressing gowns for in that case?

Also, when on holiday with family or friends, there is inevitably a queue for the bathroom. You might have to wait a very long time for the bathroom. And most people like to have a morning cup of tea/coffee. (I can't wake up properly without a cup of tea.) Are you really not supposed to go downstairs to put the kettle on unless you're fully dressed?

[tomboytown]

Bloody hell
Some of the ideas on this thread
People love so differently - that was a typo- I meant to write people live so differently. But it makes sense in this context.

I’d have no problems sharing a room with any member of my family

We’ve never been a family to swan around naked, but I wouldnt care about seeing my mum/dad brother/sister coming out of the shower in a towel or their underwear.

We holiday together regularly.
If I can’t share a room with my son when he grows up then I’ve failed somewhere

[Vulpine]

I'd rather not share a room with my sons. I don't care if they did 'come out of my vagina'. What a crazy argument - the intimacies of the mother and baby relationship have literally zero to do with our adult relationship.

[MissBarbary]

I'd rather not share a room with my sons. I don't care if they did 'come out of my vagina'. What a crazy argument - the intimacies of the mother and baby relationship have literally zero to do with our adult relationship

I agree. Those arguments make no sense.

[DangerClose]

I've been saying it repeatedly through this thread but I'll say it again:

If you would never share with your son or mum, that's fine!

If you would be fine with sharing, that's fine!

If you wouldn't want a family member to see you in a towel/underwear/dressing gown, that's fine!

If you couldn't care less about a family member to see you in a towel/underwear/dressing gown, that's fine!

It's all fine! Personal opinion and personal decision! What's not fine is acting like or saying that somebody is weird/grim/creepy/whatever pejorative you choose for what someone else is comfortable with and how THEY choose to live.

[Vulpine]

Dangerclose - In the ops case there is history there and she thinks mil is lacking boundaries and that it is weird. She is perfectly within her rights to say that.

[havingtochangeusernameagain]

When I first read this yesterday I thought the OP was being a bit silly. But having thought about it more, I wouldn't have wanted to share a room with my dad, and I don't think I'd like the idea of DH sharing a room with his mum either. I don't really know why, I am happy enough to share with my mum. I'd share with a female cousin but not a male one.

[ferntwist]

It’s his mum?! How is that grim?