Is DD being a spoilt brat?

[Inlawsoutlaws]

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

Don’t think op is coming back.

I know people like OP. Want to do something so frame it as a gift. But actually it's all about them having control.

If they can get 100k mortgage each and wanted to I am sure they could sort their own joint apartment up, if they wanted to.

It's not a gift if someone has to pay well over 100k (when you add interest in) to live somewhere you dont want.

I am guessing OP and her dh are trying to move money into the kiss names to avoid possible care fees/inheritance tax. Trying to do it early enough it wont be seen as deprevation of assets. But also want control as its their money.

Its the world shittiest gift.

That went down well

I thought it was a bad idea before you said about the two hundred THOUSAND pound shortfall.

Shackled to a massive house with your sibling that you haven't chosen with a huge debt just waiting for the time when one of you wants to move out and you have to untangle all of the finances.

Can you imagine this?

'Surprise we are buying you a house! You will live together, its needs work so you need to do, a garden that needs maintaining bur it's a great investment. It's only going to cost you 100k+!!!'

If my parents said this to me I would have responded with 'are you having a laugh, I am good thanks.'

You are dictating where they live.

You are planning on buying one large house that needs work they don't want to do and Ant afford to do.

You are buying one house yet there are two of them and they have separate lives.

This 'gift' is not what they want and you are surprised?

It's like someone needing a second hand car for a family of 4 and being bought a brand new top of the range motorbike costing twice the amount.

Look at what your children want and need. If you don't care about that I think they'd rather you kept your money tbh.

Just seen that they will be lumbered with a 100k mortgage each too (on top of the unaffordable building work).

Can you see how wrong this is OP?

Only read two pages but why aren’t you keeping money back in case you need care later on? My parents offered us money for a holiday home. I said keep it, you might need it. LA care is awful sometimes - basic and lonely. Parents in laws LA ones were really rather bad. Don’t you want to have a nest egg in case one or both of you need it?

And why on earth would siblings in their late 20s want to live together? They’ll likely be settling down in the next 5 or so years, and what then? Do they now?

Yes, my lovely neighbour ended up in an absolutely terrible care home for months because her son 'hid' her money. He didn't want her 'wasting it' on a decent home. She was desperate and my mum and other neighbours banded to he and hired a solicitor between them and forced him into paying, with his mothers money, for a proper place.

Anyway, the council home was absolutely awful.

It really isn't spoilt to be unenthusiastic about taking on a large mortgage for a house you don't want which will need building work and which you will have to share with your sibling and their partner.

So you’re. It actually buying them a house are you if they have to get a mortgage.

They are most definitely not being spoilt.

Why do you feel the need to control where they live? They are adults. If you want to help them out then do so, but don’t attach massive strings.

It'll be their home so not unreasonable that they want a say. I understand you think a house is a better investment so why not buy the house and rent it out. Pass the rent on to the children as payment for rental on a flat they like? They get accommodation paid for, inheritance is safe in a house, no worries about upkeep.

The op never came back then.

I can see why you think you're being generous but when a gift has so many strings it's not a gift it's controlling.

You chose the house - it's not what you dcs want
You chose a fixer-upper - not what they want
You chose a garden to maintain - not what they want
You choose for them to be tied to living together - is this what they want?
You choose £200k worth of mortgage for them on a property and situation of your choosing - not what they want.
You want them to be grateful and think they are spoilt. A gift with so many snags is not a gift it's an anchor. They are not spoilt they are being pragmatic. If you would like to help set your children up (which is an incredibly generous and kind thing to do) gift them each a smaller amount of money to use as a deposit towards a property of their choosing.

I forgot to say before opening this thread and judging by the title, I thought the op was talking about a child. Mid teens tops. Not an adult of twice this age.

No, YABU here. Reverse? A house that needs work is a lot of responsibility, certainly not one I'd have wanted. A flat makes much more sense. I also think it's a bit crap you're doing this supposedly nice thing, their inheritance, but dictating to them and expecting them to be grateful, it's quite controlling. Let them choose, if it's something you'd be genuinely concerned about outcome, fine step in, but if it's just because you don't agree then you need to decide if it's appropriate to help them in this way if you can't trust them.

the house I have suggested would involve them both having to get small mortgages (100k or so each)

Small? What world do you live in??
And your surprised your children don't want to saddle themselves with £200k of debt for some run down mansion somewhere that they don't have the time or money to fix? You're either crazy or very controlling.

They are not being spoiled brats, but you are being controlling in your behaviour which is inappropriate towards your adult children.

The op never came back then.

We need an acronym for "came back once, realised it wasn't going their way, buggered off permanently".

Yabu and controlling. Why the fixation on a bigger requiring improvement property? Do you hope once it's modernised to move in or use it to stay on holiday?

100k is NOT a small mortgage

The only brat here is you OP

Ha I think OP isn't coming back!

OP even the title of your post shows you for what you are. 'Spoilt brats'? These are ADULTS who are disagreeing with you on where they would like to live and what kind of property they are prepared to take out THEIR OWN mortgage on - unbelievable.

Be really careful or they will probably both end up telling you to stick it. And have a bit more respect for your adult offspring, or you will quickly lose any respect they might have for you.

Seagulling - drops their load never to be seen again.

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