Is DD being a spoilt brat?

[Inlawsoutlaws]

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

[Confusedbeetle]

This is wrong on so many levels. They should be independant, you may want to help with some cash but should not be buying them a house not of their choice. You are disempowering them

[mary1066]

You're not buying them a house but unwittingly buying them a lot of future problems. Don't do it. You don't want their relationship to be affected in any negative way or their partners take half of it if they split. You are very generous though and I admire that but take care that your generosity doesn't backfire.

[Smelborp]

A ‘small’ mortgage of £100K each and you think that’s a gift You are funny OP.

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

I wouldn't give away my spare cash tbh
What if needed for care at home in case of illness etc
All the more reason op wants cash tied up kids name - don’t blame her.
Your kids are being realistic about what will work for them - and that’s keybisnt it? Is it got them or for you?

[ArchieStar]

@Inlawsoutlaws any response?

[PurpleDaisies]

The op has not posted for four days.

[cannockcandy]

Since when has being honest considered spoilt? They have told you they cant afford/dont have time to maintain a house.

[ittakes2]

Sorry you are being controlling. You have decided a house is best - they not surprisingly want a choice on where they live. How would you feel if at some point when you are older you wanted to stay in your house - but your children decided that it would be better for you to live in an apartment?

[StudentMummy92]

😂😂

[AryaStarkWolf]

If you#re buying the house for them, I don't understand why you wouldn't let them choose it tbh

[QueSera]

the house I have suggested would involve them both having to get small mortgages (100k or so each)


YABVVVU

[ToPlanZ]

If this money is a gift, it should be without strings attached for them to use on a property that suits them.

If it comes with so many caveats attached they are likely to feel that you are attempting to control them and that you don't trust their ability to judge as adults what is best for them. In that case you are better off doing the investment that you want to do that you feel is right and keeping it for yourself until after your death. Otherwise you're just sowing seeds of disharmony.

[QueSera]

I agree with your DD - buying a house for both of them, who live different lives and should do so separately, is not a good idea. They are in their late 20s, they need independece from each other. Can you buy two modern, new (ie needing little to no work) small flats for them? Or give them the money and let them decide what to do with it?
I don't get the sense that they're acting spoiled, they're just expressing what would suit their lifestyles best, and it sounds very reasonable to me. You are being very generous, and they should be grateful, but your gift should ideally help them, not hinder them, in moving forward in their lives.

[karenjkayjay]

I don’t understand why you’re not listening to them, I know it’s you paying but it will be their home. Yes you are being very unreasonable, listen to them they sound sensible in what they want to me.

[katewhinesalot]

A better bet would be two flats worth a bigger mortgage that they each find a lodger for. At least that way they aren't financially linked but have some autonomy over who they live with and how they live. It will save problems in the future.

[katewhinesalot]

You are being generous but at the same time you are dictating
A. How they spend their own money
B. Where they live
C. How they live

[ItIsWhatItIsInnit]

I'm late 20s and would much rather buy a modern flat. Easier and I would rather pay service service charge than be liable for all building repairs myself, have to get builders in e.t.c. I would hate to buy a do-er upper regardless of investment - some of us just want a nice easy home, not an investment project.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

Flat is going to be a better investment than a home, depending on where you buy. Flates are easier to rent out, keep, and in an event when one wants to move out/marry/have kids, easier to deal with than splitting a big property. What heppens then? Will one sibling be expected to move out? The other pay them off? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[PurpleDaisies]

The op hasn’t commented in nearly two days. I don’t think they’re coming back.

[Namenic]

Unlikely that they will both live in the house together when they have families... this will be an administrative problem later too.

Depends on their jobs - if they have busy jobs it is very difficult to do house stuff (especially dealing with builders etc) while you are working long hours. If you personally think it is better to get this place as a family because you will gain as a family, then pitch it to them like that - as a business proposal that would require investment of effort on their part but with potential to have high gains which they would share. Think about getting gardener etc to make it easier for them to manage. I have relatives that did this and it did work out well financially but was hard to manage for the kids. An alternative would be to help them with deposits when they need to get a place (in the location they would like - which it would be difficult to know at this stage).

[eddielizzard]

I would offer them each a lump sum towards a property. There's absolutely no way I'd want to live with my siblings as an adult. Recipe for disaster. And you shouldn't be so involved in one of the biggest purchases of their lives. Either it's a gift, or it's a means of control.

[lunar1]

One of the most controlling things I've ever read.

[iklboo]

@jade9390 Without having to pay rent, they have the money to do that and maintain the place.

That and the £100k mortgage each the OP wants them to take out.

[Wizzbangpop]

Not sure if feasible but I'd buy two flats instead of one house.

WARNING: I've heard many a story where there's been a fall out where one dc wants to move out of house but the other dc doesn't quite yet.

[SD1978]

They have a reasonable point. They don't want to be in a house, with the associated mai teen thing that requires renovations - I wouldn't at that age either. If you don't want to listen to them and their opinions, don't buy it for them.