Is DD being a spoilt brat?

[Inlawsoutlaws]

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

They are so fortunate.. I’d never be able to do this .. but I kind of see where they are coming from .. they won’t want to live together for long and maintaining the house would be expensive and time consuming. I think they are being quite logical

Bought houses for both my dc at uni. One was responsible, he stills owns it five years on and gets the rent. Other one wasn't, couldn't keep on top of things, sold it after a year. In retrospect he was too young. You need to listen to what they want, however generous you are being.

Lack of replies from OP suggests not gone how they thought. Let your ac live their lives how they want. Give them money if you wish for them to buy their own homes how they see fit. That’s fortunate not being forced to live in a big house together that’s in need of a lot of work??!! Sounds weird.

Why don't you just give them some of the money as a deposit so they can each buy their own property? You awfully controlling of their living arrangements, their time, and their money, especially as you are demanding that they get a mortgage together.

If you think it's such a great investment, then buy it as an investment property for yourself and organise the renovations and upkeep.

So their inheritance is effectively £100,000 of debt

Very controlling of you, OP. They don’t want the hassle of maintain a big house/garden, so it would not be kept well. They’d be far better off in a nice flat.

How do you make God laugh tell him your plans.

A friend decided he had a plan for his kids. He would buy a flat in Paisley, they could study in Glasgow and rent out the spare room to give themselves spending money. Kids are 4 years apart so the plan looked sound and he thought once DD was graduated he could sell the flat and retire.

All looked like it was working until DS announced he was doing a Maths PhD and DD decided on medicine in Aberdeen.

I think you are being abu tbh. There are many reasons why a huge house & garden would be unsuitable. I do understand where you’re coming from, but what you’re suggesting isn’t ideal. And if they’re grown up DC maybe you should listen to them.

Can you apply for council permission to have the house split into two flats?

Ha ha ha ha ha YABsooooooU why do you think you have the right to dictate 1)where your daughters should live 2) who they should live with 3) how. I h debt they should get into to appease you 4} what ongoing responsibilities they should have to a house? Utterly batshit

It doesn't sound luke a long term option. What if one starts a family and tge other gets woken up five times a night by a baby they didn't choose to live with? What if their future spouses don't want to live with the others? What if they have different parenting styles? Why do you want to force your children to live together for the next 30 years? Did you live with your husbands siblings? Because that is what you are asking from their loved ones.

This can not be real

They're being realistic.
A doer-upper would be my worst nightmare. I'm a full-time working parent. I haven't got time for renovation.

Hope the DCs do not agree to accept either a house or being gifted cash. This will always come with very, very heavy obligations from OP's type of parent.
DCs will always be required to do whatever asked of them due to the gift.
It is NOT worth it. Better to have the estate pay inheritance tax than to be so beholden for decades.

Perhaps you should wait until they are in a position to live on their own (individually). Then you will and they will have a better and more realistic idea of how their lifestyle will accommodate a flat or a house. Rather get the feeling you are looking for an investment rather than aiding your AC with housing issues.

I think when handing on money to the next generation it is best to let your responsible adult children decide how best to use it for themselves. Instead of buying them a house that you like, give them half the money each. They can club together if they want, or each can buy their own flat, as suits them. Don't lumber them with a large rundown house and garden that requires them to invest a lot of their own money, time and effort restoring. You are gifting them a problem, not a solution.

No, they are not being spoilt. Yes, you are being unreasonable, OP.

YABVU. But you know that by now.

Your DDs don't want this house. Using up your spare cash to buy this house is insane financial planning.

I wouldn't live in a dilapidated house with my brother even if you paid me a salary!

yabvvvvvvvvu

You ARE being very unreasonable.

Why not tell them who they can marry while you're at it! Or how often they're allowed to shit?

2 apartments would potentially cost you less, so what's you're problem.

Plus you said it's is THEIR inheritance, so why be so negative. If you left them money, would you be DICTATING what they could spend it on?

Let them be, and get them an apartment each, save the money. Plus apart from the upkeep, I don't think they want to share.... I'm doing all the DIY while the other site there, it's not fair!

How much are you putting in if there is a 200k shortfall that they will have to fund.

Well, I suppose nowadays any young person who has the chance of home ownership is lucky. But I don't see what is the problem with buying a flat, or why it wouldn't be a good investment? Assuming that the price is similar to start with, surely the likely investment is the same? I Many people are not good at maintaining a house and garden, or find it incredibly stressful, or just don't have the time. And paying for others to do the work would add significantly to the price. The only advantage I can see in buying a house rather than a flat, is that it might be easier for your children to divide a house into separate quarters if they are going to live there simultaneously. But are you expecting them to live there simultaneously? Surely job and family considerations might well prevent this happening on a long-term basis.

This is the epitome of a white elephant.

“ we are gifting you this lovely thing “

.......which will swallow all your time and money and lead to magnificent arguments FOREVER .... mwah ha ha