To do this when we go out for dinner

[octoberstorms]

Having a Christmas meal out with some really good friends. (We are all aged 20-22) Slightly complicated as we can only go to one location nearby a friends house as she's just had a baby and can't go far.

I have an eating disorder and am really really restricted on what I can eat because of it (currently in therapy) am also a vegetarian. Restaurant is a steakhouse which has no vegan options and only veggie options involve halloumi (which I hate!) and I don't like any of the accompanying foods.

I've mentioned this to my friends but as one person can only do this location due to baby they've said we can't go anywhere else unfortunately.

It's an early dinner due to the baby at 5pm so AIBU to go along and have a glass of wine/maybe a dessert then have something to eat when I get home or will I look silly?

@Span1elsRock they better be 😂 otherwise they should have a more varied menu with maybe a vegan option too if they want to cater to all guests? Surely they won't say anything?

@fedup21 thank you! 😂 also if I'm going to eat something unhealthy I'd rather have a nice dessert than some chips if I'm starving!

Do you eat eggs OP? Any restaurant with a chef that won't or can't produce an omelette isn't a place I'd want to eat.

@category12 would you really eat just a plate of vegetables at a restaurant? I wouldn't. Waste of money! When I go out I like to have a meal. I have plenty of veg at home.

@BarbaraofSeville exactly.

@Bluerussian I've already looked at the menu (and explained loads on here what there is and isn't!) it's a fancy place- no garlic bread unfortunately! It's a very small menu as it's an independent. It's got fucking squid for a starter for God's sakes

Thank you, I hope it all goes well!

Why would eating a dessert be 'a stretch'?

I'm wondering if this is your ED trying to take over, rather than your friends being unreasonable or the restaurant offering absolutely nothing you are willing (not able, unwilling) to eat.

'I don't like it', 'I'll eat anything, except for everything on the menu', 'I'm vegetarian' (but seemingly don't like a non vegetarian cheese, not realising it's more convincing to say 'Halloumi isn't vegetarian'), 'I'd rather have vegan food', 'they don't do any salads' can be used as excuses to not eat or further restrict food.

Is the Italian place one that you're comfortable in because it's a place where it's easy to keep to almost zero calorie foods or you can claim to be stuffed from the olives and a small piece of bread on the table, followed by a couple of forkfuls of pasta? After all, Parmesan isn't vegetarian, either.

DP has an ED that reappears from time to time. It's obvious because I know him that it's back when there are requirements about plates, something has an ingredient that he's perfectly able to eat but isn't quite the same as last time (such as the mozzarella slices being slightly thicker than last time or the chips being thicker/thinner/longer/shorter/browner/too hot/too cold), the location isn't quite right, the lettuce is the wrong kind, there's too much bread, the plates have too much food on them, etc.

@bluejayblue I hate eggs, always have done.

@Oblomov19 I don't like any meat or fish as I'm a veggie and I don't like potatoes (unless sweet ones), milk, halloumi or eggs. That's not a massively long list is it?

I love fresh foods, avocado, fruit, pasta dishes, homemade pizzas, caprese salad, bruschetta, baked beans, bagels, toasties, rice, the list goes on and on!

Is it vegan wine ? Or is OP happy to overlook that because she likes wine ?

But you have all the things you eat at home. Presumably you have bread at home and garlic. But you’d eat garlic bread.

I often just eat veg at a dinner party if it’s red meat on the menu, but I like vegetables so that’s fine.

Veggie meals do tend to be variations on plates of vegetables...

I'd make sure the restaurant is okay with your sitting there and not eating. Or eating food you brought in yourself . I think these friends are trying to send you a message. I agree, Time.

You're a vegan until the dessert menu arrives. Yup. Same old.

I would, yeah. I'd rather have something to eat while everyone else is eating. You started out from the standpoint that there was absolutely nothing on the menu you could eat, and that's fair enough - but at a certain point you're just putting obstacles in the way and being a little bit special snowflake.

Your list is basically carbs. You like carbs and not much else - pasta, pizza, bruschetta, bagels, rice, fruit etc.

Lovely to hear your plan of action. I hope you have a wonderful time 💕

I'd either meet them afterwards for a drink or see them another time.
It sounds crap. I've had this in the Lake District, we were at this posh pub come restaurant place and all they did for vegetarians was a quails egg risotto!. I couldn't eat anything like that so I had to opt for the bread basket and chips and that was a tenner! There was nothing else only meat dishes.
Just have some thing at home first, then you wont be hungry.

I'd not attend.
If they are good friends then most people would skip a meal where they can't eat anything and just see them the next time. (Unless someone is in a flying visit from Australia for example)
But then all going together in one car whilst you get the train?
Probably sat there like a lemon on your Tod whilst they turn up late, or you arrive and they are all sat in a 4 and you get the seat on the end.
Just say you will see them in the new year.

I haven't seen this suggested - is there a cheese-board option for the desserts? If so, could you have that as a first / main course and then another dessert afterwards?

Quail’s egg risotto sounds divine.

Are you vegan Boysey?

If im not comfortable eating somewhere I just go along and order some herbal tea or something. Food issues can otherwise be very isolating and i’ve yet to have a dining companion make an issue of me doing this - I wouldn’t bother with anyone who did. Some restaurants might get a bit shitty about it but i’ve found that even posh independent restaurants don’t bat an eyelid.

In a group of seven, it can be difficult to accommodate everyone. You have said that on previous occasions you have gone to restaurants that you’ve liked. On this one occasion the others would like to try this particular restaurant, in part to make life easier for the friend with a new baby. I see nothing wrong with that at all. And perhaps they like the look of the menu.

Your plan to have a glass of wine and dessert sounds fine. I really wouldn’t recommend bringing nuts or other food to the restaurant! That really isn’t acceptable.

The larger issue may be that you don’t actually know these people very well. They may turn out to be good friends but at the moment they seem more like friendly acquaintances. Enjoy the time with them and see how the budding friendship develops.

@mitziK
Why the Jeff is halloumi not veggie? It's in loads of recipes in my vegetarian magazines, and the ones I buy have a "v" on them.

The problem with your plan is that if you don't eat anything then just say "I don't like anything on the menu", if they're normal friends... You're going to unleash a wave of your eating habits dominating the table at / after ordering.

Your fellow diners will surely immediately go into fix it mode just like this thread? " What about X / do you eat Y / can they make up a special plate".. it's going to be awkward as fuck, and your waiting staff will not know how to proceed. They may end up faffing around asking in the kitchen trying to accommodate you, or you may end up in a busy pre Xmas restaurant where you end up being charged per head.. and you'll have to get yours removed as you only drank wine & had a dessert.. or, even if that doesn't happen, how will the friends group split the bill?

This whole plan is a social disaster waiting to happen, where your eating habits will be a focus. It sounds like a nightmare.

@TatianaLarina, I'm a very fussy vegetarian.
Op so what are you going to do then?

I don't think they really sound like that good friends, tbh. They can all drive (20 minutes to the next town? they're taking the piss)

tbh I'd sack it off.

The problem is due to your restrictive diet choices/tastes (some medical) and one of your friends putting a restriction on the location. Leaving the rest of your friends in a very awkward position.

You and the other women need to discuss together and come up with a compromise/solution and not make your friends have to choose who is the most unreasonable.

I am currently tube fed and have recently sat in a restaurant and not eaten and sat in a pub and not drunk anything. It was fine both times. Don't think twice about it just have a drink say you can't eat anything on the menu for medical reasons if asked and eat when you get home. Hope you have a nice time and your friend gets a little less demanding everything revolves around her soon.