To do this when we go out for dinner

[octoberstorms]

Having a Christmas meal out with some really good friends. (We are all aged 20-22) Slightly complicated as we can only go to one location nearby a friends house as she's just had a baby and can't go far.

I have an eating disorder and am really really restricted on what I can eat because of it (currently in therapy) am also a vegetarian. Restaurant is a steakhouse which has no vegan options and only veggie options involve halloumi (which I hate!) and I don't like any of the accompanying foods.

I've mentioned this to my friends but as one person can only do this location due to baby they've said we can't go anywhere else unfortunately.

It's an early dinner due to the baby at 5pm so AIBU to go along and have a glass of wine/maybe a dessert then have something to eat when I get home or will I look silly?

Your 'friends' sound absolutely horrible. I'd sack them off they won't care and go out for a lovely meal with your boyfriend (who sounds worth the effort) instead. Look after yourself, you sound like a lovely person

I'm sure you'll find something you can eat. Steakhouses do salad, coleslaw, rice, garlic bread - soup sometimes for starters - chips, new potatoes or jackets, cheese, different dressings and dips. Then pudding of course! I go to one fairly regularly that has a great deal of food that vegetarians can eat - they are often happy to do a mushroom omelette too.

You'll be fine. Hope you have a lovely time.

I’m not sure why a steakhouse is the only option in town, considering you’re a vegan. Who takes a vegan to a steakhouse? Who eats at 5pm ?! Is there any reason to think your friends are trying to send you a message ?

considering your ED I don’t think you should go & not eat. Either go & eat something or don’t go. They must have some side vegetable on the menu. I would call them & ask, you won’t be the first person to ask am sure !

Sounds like a good plan if you pay your own way.. You can always say it's a bit early for food for you, so eating later. As long as you enjoy a drink and seeing friends

^^ the food list I don't like is long too. Because I am an adult and choose not to eat things I'm not fussed on.

I don't eat:
chicken with bones, or anything except breast meat.
shellfish
lamb
beef
pork/ham
mushrooms
eggplant
egg
cheese with fruit in it
bland food
milk/cream/sour cream
anything with a texture like creme caramel

I think the worst bit is leaving you to get the train alone while they all drive together.

OP, just have the wine and dessert. If they are your friends then there is no fuss.

So many posters here questioning the existence of the menu and the fact that you can't eat anything that is on it! I keep hearing 'But can she have wafer-thin ham, Barbara?' You know what you can eat. I hope it includes chocolate.

I don't eat meat, and have found myself with the kids at a steakhouse-type place where I ended up with the world's most pathetic side salad and a kid's portion of (cold) macaroni cheese. That was it. There were beans but I don't like them.

Italian restaurants usually serve steak, so that would have been a better option to please everyone.

God, I'd feel really uncomfortable eating a steak dinner with one person sat there not eating with a glass of wine. What if you're the only one who orders a pudding, then you're sat there eating whilst the rest of them are ready to go home?

It's really sad that you value these people are friends. They're being dicks.

As for dinner at 5pm, just nope.

Personally I'd think it worth preserving the friendship if you enjoy their company generally. If it goes on to being a regular occurrence where your requirements are never taken into account, then sack it off, but on a single event - nah.

I do think you're being a bit difficult - where you said you don't want to pay for a plate of vegetables was where you lost me, up to that point I was more with you.

How come you wont eat chips but youll have wine and dessert?

How come you wont eat chips but youll have wine and dessert

Because she doesn’t like chips!!???

Blue, RTFT.

I’m not sure why a steakhouse is the only option in town, considering you’re a vegan. Who takes a vegan to a steakhouse? Who eats at 5pm ?!

Exactly. That's rude.

Given it's an independent, OP, I'd check beforehand that they are OK with you sitting there and not ordering any food.

IMO, your friend is being bloody ridiculous. She can’t travel 20 minutes away because of her new baby? And everyone else is indulging her? 🙄

She's not a vegan

I think id just go and have a drink with them. If you havent been open with them about your eating disorder, then how are they to know?

There's nothing wrong with one occasion being based around the needs of the new mum. If it turns about to be an ongoing thing, then yes it'd be a problem, but making it super-easy on her the first time she ventures out with mates isn't a bad thing.

i dont think an eating disorder should trump making it easier for a mum with a newborn. I say that as someone with a 20yr+ ED.

Maybe just have a roll? at least then you would have something to soak up all the alcohol! Re the poster who said her friend drove 3 hours with baby .Mine are older now and never driven 3 hours yet!

I would just make an excuse and not go on this occasion, I hate it when people go along to a meal and don’t eat. In my experience it always seems to be done in a hostile/martyred sort of a way.

Lol, my friend travelled to a wedding 3 hours away with her 2 week old baby! Not saying that's necessarily right either, but surely some sort of compromise is reasonable. Anyway, sounds like it's set in stone for this time, maybe they'll be more considerate of the whole group next time.

I'd slip a packet of nuts in my bag, that's if you eat nuts OP, just to nibble with my wine.

can you have a starter?

What does the op eat that a restaurant might be able to specially prepare? Genuine question.

Literally every suggestion here has been shot down with " I can't eat " / I don't like.

What IS the op eating for dinners at home?

@Sotoes I love nuts, good idea! I was thinking of having a later lunch that day too so I'm not too hungry.

@OnlyAGirlsHorse if you'd read my previous replies you'd see that I usually eat anything Italian (pasta, pizza, bruschetta), salads, rice, quinoa, toasties etc when out with friends. I love loads of foods just not halloumi which are the only veggie options on the menu! I'm not going to ask for a plate of vegetables either to eat as that's not the most appetising on its own.

I also emailed the restaurant and they said it's a set menu so they can't do anything different.