Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

To do this when we go out for dinner

320 replies

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 11:08

Having a Christmas meal out with some really good friends. (We are all aged 20-22) Slightly complicated as we can only go to one location nearby a friends house as she's just had a baby and can't go far.

I have an eating disorder and am really really restricted on what I can eat because of it (currently in therapy) am also a vegetarian. Restaurant is a steakhouse which has no vegan options and only veggie options involve halloumi (which I hate!) and I don't like any of the accompanying foods.

I've mentioned this to my friends but as one person can only do this location due to baby they've said we can't go anywhere else unfortunately.

It's an early dinner due to the baby at 5pm so AIBU to go along and have a glass of wine/maybe a dessert then have something to eat when I get home or will I look silly?

OP posts:

isitxmasyet · 16/11/2019 17:17

OP on every other occasion there has been flexibility which has accommodated your ED but this time it’s about the friend with the very young baby and her choice. I don’t blame her not wanting to drive 20 mins just because one person (you) wants a different restaurant.

Can you not see how demanding that makes you appear when the whole evening is about her this time?

You are choosing to make his about you and hence seeing their decision as a slight on you. People without an EDjust won’t understand how there is nothing at all that feels safe for you to it and will see you as being awkward and putting your own issues above that of the new mum

Tbh just sit this one out. It’s not the end of the world and you hardly know her from what you have said.

Meet up with her for a coffee one day instead.

Newschapter · 16/11/2019 17:27

I simply don't believe there is nothing you can eat on the menu. @HugoSpritz

Why would @octoberstorms start a thread asking for help/advice if she had scanned the menu and saw something that took her fancy?

What possible reason has she to lie?

@octoberstorms I would make an excuse just to go fo a drink and then take off after their starters is finished and mains begin.

You'll have been there long enough by that stage and have passed yourself in a mannerly way. No way would I be making an effort when you weren't even offered a lift.

Whose idea was it that you take public transport whilst the rest get driven there?

There's a restaurant my sister and BIL love and go there all the time. It's quite niche and I hate everything on the starters and only one thing on the mains.

Even when they change it for the seasons their core ingredients remain. It means when my sister invites us, I either suggest elsewhere or else go and have the main which I can stomach.

If you have suggested elsewhere and nobody has agreed I'd be seriously thinking about just missing it this time.

OlaEliza · 16/11/2019 17:30

Just as well you don't have issues with gluten as well, isn't it.

TatianaLarina · 16/11/2019 17:35

Why would @octoberstorms start a thread asking for help/advice if she had scanned the menu and saw something that took her fancy?

Taking your fancy and not being able to eat something at all is not the same thing.

She could have a plate of vegetables, she admits, but she doesn’t want to.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 16/11/2019 17:37

If your friend wants to stick to the routine and close to home could there possibly be a suggestion of going to her house and getting a takeaway and a couple of bottles of wine?

Obviously she or the rest of you may not want that which is fine but it might be easier for her and at least then you can order food you like and you all still get to get together.

ferntwist · 16/11/2019 17:44

YANBU at all!

BlueBirdGreenFence · 16/11/2019 17:52

It does sound like your ED is impacting you more than you think. Even if they did move it to the Italian, do you think you would have an enjoyable time or find it a really stressful experience having so many people around you when making food choices and eating?

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2019 19:04

Op there seems to be a continual expansion of the list of things you don't like, now it's even expanded to bread, and reasons why you can't have things like a plate of veg. It's clear you don't wish to eat at all.

I mean this gently but I would be very sure youre not being controlled by your eating disorder here, because reading your posts cold it reads like a list of excuses why you can't eat with your friends.😔

FadingStar · 16/11/2019 19:13

With an ED, eating in a restaurant is one of the most daunting, frightening experience.

Original poster

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 19:21

@Bluntness100 No, I stated I wasn't going to go out just to buy a plate of vegetables to eat as it's a waste of money. I also said I don't like 'bread and olives' as a starter, I didn't mean I don't like bread at all- I do eat it.

I'm not looking for excuses either by the way, my friends and I go out to eat at least once every two weeks and always eat two courses if not three!

I simply don't want to eat fucking steak, fish or halloumi or a deconstructed starter/side for a main 😂😩

OP posts:

Original poster

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 19:22

@FadingStar it used to be for me, it's easier now as I do it quite often. I started out slow in coffee shops with my mum when I was 16 then progressed to family meals out and now I can comfortably eat out with friends (providing there is food I actually like on the menu!)

OP posts:

stucknoue · 16/11/2019 19:24

I mean this with kindness, but it's you who is the one being restrictive. Nothing wrong with being vegetarian but if you are you need to eat what's on the menu, most decent places only have 10-12 items on the menu I find, Christmas menus are even more restrictive with maybe 2 vegan/vegetarian options. Our local steakhouse has 4 veggie dishes but if you don't like potatoes or bread what do you eat, you will struggle in most restaurants.

FadingStar · 16/11/2019 19:27

That's brilliant to hear OP. For me it's a whole maelstrom of problems and emotions. Funnily enough I have never had any problem drinking hundreds if not thousands of calories in alcohol in a pub. It is so messed up.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you have a wonderful evening. You sound so lovely...your friends are lucky to have you and I hope they see that.

misspiggy19 · 16/11/2019 19:33

^Thie

misspiggy19 · 16/11/2019 19:36

Rather than expecting the entire party to fit around the inevitable baby, maybe the parent can do the decent thing and give it a miss.

^Or maybe the OP can sit it out as she expects everyone to fit around her eating habits

MeTheCoolOne · 16/11/2019 19:37

Do you drink non vegan wine? Otherwise that might be a problem too.

Original poster

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 19:40

@MeTheCoolOne RTFT I'm not vegan! I'm a vegetarian

OP posts:

Original poster

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 19:41

@FadingStar Thank you so much! I hope so too.

Haha I get you with the drinking it's easier isn't it!

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 16/11/2019 19:47

Why is a plate of vegetables more of a waste of money than a plate of pasta? 🤔

You either join them for pudding and a glass of wine. Or if you’re going more for the social occasion & want to be present for the whole thing - then eat vegetables.

You could always request a mushroom omelette - most restaurants have eggs.

Sagradafamiliar · 16/11/2019 19:49

I think it would be fine to just go along for the catch up and have a drink.
No one will expect a vegetarian to order in a steak joint, regardless of ED.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 16/11/2019 19:50

If the ED isn't an issue and you're just being too tight to pay for a salad and stubborn because you're not getting your own way, then of course it's fair that they prioritise a new mum first. If it's the ED, then it sounds like it'll be too stressful an event for you to get any actual enjoyment out of (beyond proving to yourself that you can do it).

Original poster

octoberstorms · 16/11/2019 19:50

@TatianaLarina I don't like eggs! Because I'll enjoy a plate of pasta more than a plate of veg 😂 hardly a meal is it?

OP posts:

smemorata · 16/11/2019 19:52

I couldn't eat dinner at 5 anyway so I think just a dessert or a coffee would be fine.

Qwerty3210 · 16/11/2019 19:58

This is always the position I'm in! I'm sorry they don't acknowledge how difficult it is for you. I get so frustrated by this! Also they always insist on splitting the bill even though I hardly ate! Your friends don't sound very much like friends if they're not even considering you. The fact that there's another restaurant nearby and they still choose a bloody steakhouse?! Awful... I'm sorry for you :(

dontalltalkatonce · 16/11/2019 20:00

It's going to be so awkward with you sitting there not eating when the rest of them are enjoying their food. What if they don't want a dessert and want to clear off after the meal, are you planning to sit eating pudding on your own?

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread