I've got the right hump

[moannomoanyes]

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3737012-social-life-entitlement
I previously wrote about OH social life in the above thread.
That weekend after was lovely, had quality family time, saw extended family and made Christmas plans.
We both expressed to each other how much we enjoyed it.

Yesterday OH had an eve planned, it was booked in advance and I made sure with no timings attached.
I was happy with an eve on my own and had no expectations to be broken...perfect.
He came in at 11:30pm and made such a thing of it this morning as if he deserved a medal, I said I appreciated it which I do but it needs to be normalised especially when he has work the next day.

Anyway, due to other personal issues I've been feeling a bit down and while he was at work I expressed that to him. He responded by complimenting me, and telling me how he couldn't wait to come home to make he'll make everything better and see both me and DD.

Fast forward to it being 30 minutes over when he'd usually home, I ring no answer so I text.
He's had to stay at work longer than usual and decided he's going to have 1 pint in the pub then come home.
It had been 1hr and 30minutes since he said that when I decided to call again no answer so I text. He's then playing pool on a winning streak - as he put it.
I said that's great but you're supposed to be home with me he replied saying he knows and he will do shortly but he's living his best life at the moment.
That was 30 minutes ago.

If I choose to bring this up and express my upset I know he will say how well he did the day before and bring up the nice weekend as if that compensates for it. He'll say he never do anything right and I'll find anything to be annoyed at.
Am I going crazy or am I right?
It's about letting me down and not sticking to things.

Thanks all. I’m alright just feel numb, I’ve gone back home as of earlier. He doesn’t know and isn’t here due to work.
We’ve had a bit of talking while I was away but nothing substantial. It is a process I just can’t wait to feel happy :)

I’m really sorry this is a rubbish situation. He’s very unlikely to change. I’ve been in a very similar situation and I left a while ago - haven’t looked back. Good luck x

This is the hard bit. When the anger simmers down and you've got to decide whether you want to permanently leave the relationship or not. You've done so brilliantly and have had a lot of courage to make a stand.
Hope you have a good day, take things slowly and enjoy little things that make you happy - a nice bath, playing with your DD, a good book. You deserve to look after yourself well at the moment

If this was my husband the locks would be changed and he wouldnt set foot inside the door again until after rehab! Your daughter needs you to be strong. For her, for you. My mother should of left my father years ago but she just didn't want to. It was too hard and she took the "easier" option and stayed in the abuse and here I am now nearly 40 years later and I still resent her for everything they put us through. She is still with him They are now both in their 70s and NOTHING has changed. Get out now and live your best life with your daughter and leave him to his "best life" You can do this.

If the process involves you manipulating him into changing his behaviour then you won't reach happiness.

@TowelNumber42 If that worked this thread wouldn't exist lmfao
He isn't part of the process I'm referring to.

Have you had a chance to speak with your parents and your friends? Be safe and keep being good to yourself. You're doing a brave and difficult thing.

@moannomoanyes This man has shown his true colours time and time again. So there's one thing you need to get your head round, which is that whatever he says or does, he will have only one motive and that's to reel you back in.

He gets his kicks from knowing he has the power to hurt you. He gets a thrill from controlling you, stopping you having any life of your own and keeping you waiting and available for him.

If you look like you're going to walk away, you will take that power away from him, and with it his kicks and thrills. So he's going to say and do whatever he thinks he has to to make sure you stay. he'll promise you he'll change, he'll swear things will be different. Until you say you won't leave, and then he'll be straight back to his old ways. And it will take you a long time, if ever, to find the courage to try and leave again.

If you're talking to him on the phone and you can hear his voice - he's lying. If you're face to face and his lips are moving - he's lying. When he's saying everything you want to hear, please take a step back and see him for what he is, a selfish manipulator.

For once he's actually hasn't done any of the reeling in, telling me nice things, lovey dovey shit. It's been a pretty cold situation tbh which is fine.
Just hard when he's trying to play victim like I'm in the wrong and mistreating him.
I know it's all games though.
I'll be alright

You will be. Easier when someone isn't gas lighting you and trying to make you doubt yourself. Well done you. Keep going!

Good luck! Seems like you see it all clearly now.