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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've got the right hump

186 replies

moannomoanyes · 15/11/2019 21:18

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3737012-social-life-entitlement
I previously wrote about OH social life in the above thread.
That weekend after was lovely, had quality family time, saw extended family and made Christmas plans.
We both expressed to each other how much we enjoyed it.

Yesterday OH had an eve planned, it was booked in advance and I made sure with no timings attached.
I was happy with an eve on my own and had no expectations to be broken...perfect.
He came in at 11:30pm and made such a thing of it this morning as if he deserved a medal, I said I appreciated it which I do but it needs to be normalised especially when he has work the next day.

Anyway, due to other personal issues I've been feeling a bit down and while he was at work I expressed that to him. He responded by complimenting me, and telling me how he couldn't wait to come home to make he'll make everything better and see both me and DD.

Fast forward to it being 30 minutes over when he'd usually home, I ring no answer so I text.
He's had to stay at work longer than usual and decided he's going to have 1 pint in the pub then come home.
It had been 1hr and 30minutes since he said that when I decided to call again no answer so I text. He's then playing pool on a winning streak - as he put it.
I said that's great but you're supposed to be home with me he replied saying he knows and he will do shortly but he's living his best life at the moment.
That was 30 minutes ago.

If I choose to bring this up and express my upset I know he will say how well he did the day before and bring up the nice weekend as if that compensates for it. He'll say he never do anything right and I'll find anything to be annoyed at.
Am I going crazy or am I right?
It's about letting me down and not sticking to things.

OP posts:
Pinkypurple35 · 16/11/2019 12:48

Honestly I would reply, ‘why do you want to know? Like you actually give a shut’ or simply get fucked like a PP said. Seriously turn your phone off and stay out overnight.

Elieza · 16/11/2019 13:06

Yeah overnight would be a good shocker. And I’d not even bother mentioning how the child is. Let him see what it feels like to worry. Perhaps time alone would help him see what a state he’s got himself into.

Or perhaps that’s childish? Perhaps the mature way to handle it is to go home after tea and Have The Talk. If he is sober enough.
I know drugs are considered ok by many people but that alone would be enough to put my right off him in case he ever brought some home to where the child is. Things fall out of pockets and crawling babies get into everything...

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/11/2019 13:18

It doesn't sound as though you are 'living your best life' OP. Perhaps you are with someone whom you won't ever be able to because they prioritise themselves and you are (ultimately) accepting of that by accepting what he is saying, not what he is doing.

You can't make him be on your page, he isn't. He may not want to break up but it sounds as though he ultimately expects to get to keep you (as that suits his needs) and also do whatever he wants despite your conversations (to suit his needs) and take the piss (to suit his needs) because he knows he'll ultimately get away with it by buttering you up and feeding you a line or two.

holidayhelpp · 16/11/2019 13:26

He’s clearly a coke user.

I wouldn’t have him around my daughter.

You have big problems.

rowrowrowyaboat · 16/11/2019 13:40

I really do hope you leave this waste of space OP, you and your daughter deserve so much more.

WhoWants2Know · 16/11/2019 13:55

The thing is, eventually he will have let you down enough times that you just stop loving him. It sounds like you aren't far off that now.

You don't have to worry about his reaction to you leaving him over "one night".

When you are ready to end it, you say "it's over". Explaining why is just inviting argument from him.

RandomMess · 16/11/2019 16:05

How's your day been?

Original poster
moannomoanyes · 16/11/2019 17:33

I've had a nice day thank you @RandomMess

I got the train and went to see a friend of mine had a good rant and still feel strong despite the recent communication from OH where he's called himself selfish, says he's ruining his life and he's so sorry he wants to see me and DD until he received my reply of I don't want to be in the house with you so you go somewhere or I will.
His tune has changed to I need to see my daughter where are you.

OP posts:
FinnBalorsAbs · 16/11/2019 17:35

Do you have somewhere for you both to go if you need to moannomoanyes?

Original poster
moannomoanyes · 16/11/2019 17:36

@FinnBalorsAbs Yes I do, thank you Smile

OP posts:
user1498572889 · 16/11/2019 17:44

They always change their tune when they don’t get the replies they want 💐

bloggalicious · 16/11/2019 18:02

I had one of these. It’s as simple as if he has two nights out one week then you get two nights out the week after. Don’t back down, don’t argue just follow through. Either the relationship will end or he will come round. Your needs are as important as his and you deserve someone who treats you well. Perhaps suggest in future a girlfriend of the inflatable variety would suit his need for a social life better? 😂

RandomMess · 16/11/2019 18:03

He's a complete dick clearly thinks saying sorry is enough to get you back in line.

Can't see him changing I'm afraid.

Thanks
WorldEndingFire · 16/11/2019 18:17

Well done for going to see your friend and glad you have somewhere else lined up. Stay strong, definitely sounding like an abuser with the tone change and using your daughter like that. Don't forget the Freedom Programme. Hold your head high, you can do this x

Elieza · 16/11/2019 18:34

He’s trying to manipulate you is he.

I “need” to see my daughter.

No mate i don’t think you do. You “want” to see her to convince yourself all is well. All is not well.

And if you didn’t take her he’s be trying to manipulate you by saying the man is always the worst off and doesn’t get to see the child blah blah.

What he doesn’t know is that you’re not taking any more of his unacceptable behaviour any more. You shouldn’t have to put up with it and neither should your daughter.

Good luck OP. You are strong and a responsible parent. Unlike him.

rowrowrowyaboat · 16/11/2019 18:37

Funny how he didn't need to see her in the 24hrs he was out on the lash tho isnt it?...knobhead.

saveallyourkisses · 16/11/2019 18:42

You're being incredibly strong, and I know it's hard. My ex was brilliant at winning me round, making things seem my fault and making me question my own beliefs. They trample all over your boundaries, get you to accept behaviour you never thought you'd stand for and manipulate every situation to make you the unreasonable one.
Unfortunately, if he is the way he's portraying himself to be, he'll very likely believe his own hype.
I'm now married and despite my ex being quite a bit older than me, he's still single and still living like he's eighteen. Obviously there are some exceptions to the rule, and it would be lovely if this is the case for you, but most people like this don't change.
I hope you're having a nice evening around people who love and respect you.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 16/11/2019 20:11

He needs to see her? At his convenience? So you're supposed to sit around with a small baby waiting on the offchance he comes home and isn't too hungover to function? If he needed to see her he would stick to the plans he made to see her

Saddler · 16/11/2019 20:58

Hope you've followed through with making him stay elsewhere tonight

Original poster
moannomoanyes · 16/11/2019 22:42

@Saddler I didn't have to, he's taken himself up to hosp because of how he feels after night out...

OP posts:
Saddler · 16/11/2019 22:53

😮 wow. Well all the best to you and hope things work out for the best however that may be

RandomMess · 16/11/2019 22:53

I wonder if the trip to hospital is to lay on guilt for you going out/ending it...

He seems to be a master manipulator so I would put nothing past him. Sounds like he may well have done drugs to be literally out all night partying.

FinnBalorsAbs · 16/11/2019 22:54

Oh Lord! Does he have alcohol poisoning? Or is he being a drama llama? Is drinking the root of this problem?

Original poster
moannomoanyes · 16/11/2019 22:55

@RandomMess I think that is what he's gone to hosp for...the aftermath of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
moannomoanyes · 16/11/2019 22:57

@FinnBalorsAbs Probably slight drama, he complained that I didn't seem to care but I just feel so numb and made a call 111 suggestion.

OP posts:
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