Can't afford Child maintenance payments.

[locco21]

Name change due to this being very outing!

DP has 2 children from a previous relationship. Of course there's been bumps in the road but overall everyone gets on okay and preciously there have rarely been any big issues between DP and his ex.

However, DP's ex is one of those 'you're not seeing your kids' type if he disagrees with her at all. For example, if she wants to go out on a Thursday (not his contact day), and he can't change his plans to look after them she will text him 'you're a shit dad and you're not seeing your kids again-I'm changing their surnames' etc... kind of thing. Not very nice at all. However DP has learnt to cope with this and now only makes arrangements to pick the kids up and doesn't entertain anything else.

Moving on, DP's ex has recently become worse and has been messaging abuse to us both- also saying things to upset the children etc... and has completely took a flip on her child maintenance stance.

Previously, due to the horrendous amount of debt his ex left him in (he stupidly took it on as He didn't want bailiffs turning up at his children's home). The arrangement was for DP to pay a lower rate of maintenance, organised by himself and his ex- this is so he could pay the debt and stay afloat. We buy the children lots of things also- basically they don't want for anything from either parent.

However, DP has currently changed jobs, he is receiving a lower pay rate however is much happier in this job which is also more stable. He didn't even mention it and carried on paying his maintenance as usual. However now his ex is filing a CMS case (which I know she is more than entitled to do- before anyone says anything). But DP simply can not afford the rate in which he would have to pay as he is still paying their debts. After rent, debts, bills and maintenance he would not have a penny left- meaning no petrol, no food etc... he's really stressing and doesn't know what to do.

His ex has rang him and explained all of this and he asked if she was struggling for money etc... that's where the change of heart come from? She said no, she just wanted to make life harder for him. Very petty to say the least.

Anyway, Is DP BU to contest this? No idea how he can even?! But should he just bite then bullet and pay the higher rate even if he cannot afford it? He is a great dad and this has really upset him. We know she is obviously legally entitled to this money, but it's sometimes so unfair for some dads as the CMS system doesn't take circumstance into account very often..

Opinions and advice welcome! Thanks 😊

@ChilledBee ahhh so the wait is finally over- you've cashed in 💰!!

I'll pass the message on hun x

Maybe I won't- who knows! Bold of you to assume marriage is something that everyone wants 😏.

Anyway, go and enjoy your Sunday!! Go and get that 2 mil spent x

As these threads usually go, it's not about maintenance but about your resentment of the ex.

You say you don't share your finances, but then talk about 'our' arrangement. There was no such thing as an arrangement that involved you, it was an arrangement between her and your OH.

You managed to save enough to put you through Uni and not requiring any financial support from anyone else, good for you, that's commendable, but it doesn't give you the right to be so denegrating of the ex because her parents are able and willing to support her.

Only one thing matters, not what you can/want, can't/won't pay for your OH, and not what the ex's business but how much he pays.

He pays, £500 a month, some sympathy, he pays £100, little sympathy. In the end, it's about his share to support his kids, regardless of what the rest is constituted from. If he pays half of what the children costs, then he can keep his head high, if he doesn't, he is not in a position to moan.

@Dontdisturbmenow I don't resent the ex, I resent how acts- but not her as a person, I don't resent anyone in fact.

Yeah I must've slipped up when I said our arrangement- you're right it's not mine to be apart of and I'm happy about that🙂

Yes he has paid lower maintenance but this was all part of their arrangement. He pays half of all everything else, as well as the debt. I think he can hold his head up high and say he's a pretty damn good dad.

Sure things will work themselves out 😁 all in all, we've received some great advice and are positive about going forward and resolving finances. Ensuring that the kids are happy and cared for- whether it means paying more maintenance or providing for them in other ways

How old are you and your partner OP?

I think ChilledB is a troll OP. Even if you said that your partner was starving and you couldn’t afford to heat the house or pay your rent she would still be slagging you both off for not paying his way with his children and work shy lazy arsed ex.

₩
Anyone who think a dad can just stop paying for his kids because their ex doesn't work doesn't deserve to be a father. But don't worry OP, kids usually work out that their parents are arseholes eventually and then you'll get him and his money all to yourself

Where has op said he was going to stop paying chilled?

chilled stop being nasty. I dont think its helpful to call Op a little girl, do you?

You seem to have some kind of issue with step mothers because this is not the first thread i have seen you being mean on.

Yes he has paid lower maintenance but this was all part of their arrangement. He pays half of all everything else, as well as the debt. I think he can hold his head up high and say he's a pretty damn good dad
But you won't say how much which led me to believe it was quite low and not coming close to supporting his kids.

He doesn't have to pay half of everything else, he doesn't have to pay the debts in her name. Surely if he stops these two, it will more than make up the difference?

Crying that he can't pay maintenance because he paid a pittance, but enjoyed spoiling them at week-ends taking them to fun places, is not being a good dad, it is wanting to have control, not bothering to pay for essentials, but coming across as the cool dad getting them they things they want.

@ChilledBee oh quit whilst you're ahead!! 😴 agree with other posters- you seem to be a complete arse on many other threads too...

@user1498572889 I think you're right- however it is quite entertaining to read for both me and DP on a lazy Sunday! 😂

Thanks @Bollykecks she seems like a loser, i wish I was a little girl- things would be simpler 😂

But dont essentially youre saying pay more maintenance and dont do or buy any nice things. So mum gets to do all the fun bits while dad pays for mums rent and mums/joint debts essentially?

Thats fair how exactly?

@Bollykecks

Another poster suggested he do this and it would serve her right.

I don't think ChilledBee has the monopoly on being obnoxious in this thread - the OP hasn't exactly covered herself in glory either. I really can't understand why she posted when she seems utterly convinced that she is not being in the least unreasonable.

I know that chilled but op didnt so why dont you stop taking other people's comments out on her?

@locco21. I have just looked at ChilledBees’s other comments on posts. She either has a personality disorder or is one very angry person. I could not find one post where she wasn’t either angry nasty or argumentative 😂

@Dontdisturbmenow I think you're reading a bit too far into it all. I have not shared figures, nor ages, due to it being irrelevant and outing.

He is not the cool 'Disney' dad as such that you're painting him out to be. Yes you're right that if he stopped paying half of everything he could pay his maintenance and be better off! However that's not what he's currently doing. He does pay for essentials, as I've previously stated.

I lost you at wanting to have control, sorry- whole new topic 🥴

@Bollykecks

If dad is on a low paid job,he cant afford fun stuff and just has to get essentials. If he wants to be able to provide more than essentials, he needs more money.

chilled well op has a better idea of whos debts they are than you do, doesnt she?

I used to think 1st wives were probably pretty normal nice women and then i joined MN where i learnt that a lot of them a bitter horrible bullies who will take out their problems on any poor shite who dares to post.

I dont think you can say all SMs are awful because op rightfully doesnt want to pay her partners maintenance for children thst are not hers. I wouldn't either.

chilled getting another job wouldnt help. Hed just be paying more maintenance.

chilled ill repeat, you have no idea whos the debts are.

@LoadOfOldTosh I posted for advice/- which I got 😁

@user1498572889 totally agree with you!! I guess some people are just nasty and bored 😂

@ChilledBee honestly you don't have a clue! You've read one thread now you're saying all SM's are awful people... this is why being a 'step parent' or 'parents partner' is so hard. Because of people like you. You have no clue about the debt- and I have a much better idea about it, and the paperwork to match😁 you really need to take a day off and chill out, go and spend some time with your family! Spend some of your inherited fortune ✌🏼

@Bollykecks I don't think she'll be happy until I post paperwork and every detail about my life 😂😂 I think we're knocking at the wrong door trying to get her to understand...

This thread is gross. What started as a bit of a mess has become like opening a teenagers WhatsApp group. Hun 🤮

brink

How has it?

Is MN only for ex wives over 40 now? I missed that memo.