Can't afford Child maintenance payments.

[locco21]

Name change due to this being very outing!

DP has 2 children from a previous relationship. Of course there's been bumps in the road but overall everyone gets on okay and preciously there have rarely been any big issues between DP and his ex.

However, DP's ex is one of those 'you're not seeing your kids' type if he disagrees with her at all. For example, if she wants to go out on a Thursday (not his contact day), and he can't change his plans to look after them she will text him 'you're a shit dad and you're not seeing your kids again-I'm changing their surnames' etc... kind of thing. Not very nice at all. However DP has learnt to cope with this and now only makes arrangements to pick the kids up and doesn't entertain anything else.

Moving on, DP's ex has recently become worse and has been messaging abuse to us both- also saying things to upset the children etc... and has completely took a flip on her child maintenance stance.

Previously, due to the horrendous amount of debt his ex left him in (he stupidly took it on as He didn't want bailiffs turning up at his children's home). The arrangement was for DP to pay a lower rate of maintenance, organised by himself and his ex- this is so he could pay the debt and stay afloat. We buy the children lots of things also- basically they don't want for anything from either parent.

However, DP has currently changed jobs, he is receiving a lower pay rate however is much happier in this job which is also more stable. He didn't even mention it and carried on paying his maintenance as usual. However now his ex is filing a CMS case (which I know she is more than entitled to do- before anyone says anything). But DP simply can not afford the rate in which he would have to pay as he is still paying their debts. After rent, debts, bills and maintenance he would not have a penny left- meaning no petrol, no food etc... he's really stressing and doesn't know what to do.

His ex has rang him and explained all of this and he asked if she was struggling for money etc... that's where the change of heart come from? She said no, she just wanted to make life harder for him. Very petty to say the least.

Anyway, Is DP BU to contest this? No idea how he can even?! But should he just bite then bullet and pay the higher rate even if he cannot afford it? He is a great dad and this has really upset him. We know she is obviously legally entitled to this money, but it's sometimes so unfair for some dads as the CMS system doesn't take circumstance into account very often..

Opinions and advice welcome! Thanks 😊

Yes exactly. Our extras were a weekly bus pass and school dinners and extra 3 days a week and obviously slightly more food shopping.

We were paying maintenance plus half of everything else except bus pass anyway so it wasnt a big hit having to pay just the extra half. Ofc mum didnt pay for half of everything and only paid cms level maintenance (but thats ok because shes s poor little woman you see)

Gosh things are getting quite nasty on here since page 3 :(

OP I know its hard but I generally keep out of anything to do with my partners ex even though their financial ties effect me and my son as a side effect. She is generally a nice woman and we all get on amicably which I think helps me accept the current financial situation without resentment. We would never try and reduce child support, which I think we could have done after our son was born because she is struggling too and we all want the kids to have the best standard of living.

So she now wants you to have the kids every weekend? How does that change the overall amount of time they spend with their dad? And in saying she will drop the child maintenance claim - is she still expecting though to receive the same maintenance and debts payments that she has been till now?

He's a bad example because clearly he wants to pay as little as possible for his kids' every day living. It's that same attitude I see when the resident parent is on good earning, and the nrp sees that he should have to pay much maintenance because he's struggling and she's wracking it in

Why on earth are people making up absolute lies on this thread? He's paying the lazy exs debts, he pays for half of trips and any extras. How in god's name is that 'as little as possible'. I get nothing from my ex in maintenance but when I did it really was 'as little as possible'. He wouldn't have dreamed of paying for 'extras'. Some of you people are absolutely ridiculous.

@cuppacino People are struggling to believe that the debts are his ex's.

Why are we calling the mum "lazy" she has an income apparently enough to secure significant amounts of credit and looks after kids the majority of the time?!

I'm sorry you get nothing from your ex but it's not a race to bottom is it?!

PegasusReturns

She's lazy because she's accepting handouts from her parents instead of financially looking after her own kids, which ironically the OPs partner is actually doing. Why are people struggling to believe it's the exs debts? She sounds like an absolutele nightmare, I've come across her type before, no money but spends everyone else's or asks people to take out loans etc. with the 'promise' to pay back. As for getting nothing from my ex, I honestly wouldn't want it now, he made me feel as if I was scamming him for the pittance he did pay.

Pegasus doesn't sound like a massive majority really, considering they will be at school 9-3 and she doesn't want them at all at the weekend.

What a hard life!