Just had an earful from the doctors surgery for missing appointment.

[ChocolateSiany]

I missed my son's jabs. I phoned them to change my phone number on my file so I don't miss any appointments. I forgot to change it on my son's file. So stupid. I am really forgetful so depend on their text reminders. I have started writing down all my appointments, but I didn't write this one down. I apologised profusely and have now changed my number and written down his new appointment. The woman on the phone pretty much laid in to me. Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry. She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch. I am shocked she spoke to me like that, I feel incredibly guilty for missing the appointment (I don't miss appointments regularly). Feeling down and upset that I missed the appointment. AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

OP it does sound like you got the rough end of the stick which isn’t necessarily fair. I think empathy on both sides will help here. The receptionist is probably getting the rough end of the stick daily. It’s a vicious cycle ..people don’t show - other people get angry when there’s no appointments available etc etc. It’s possible that they also get it in the neck from the clinician for re-booking multiple offenders when there’s targets to meet. The point is - it probably wasn’t about you.

I cannot believe people are being so harsh here to you, OP. Well done on leaving your abusive relationship and I hope the phone call hasn’t set you back too much. She was very rude to you and it was uncalled for.

In the area of law I work in, if a person misses a deadline reply date one of the reasons for accepting a late response is if a previously reliable reminder system has failed to work. Exactly what’s happened in this case. If the text reminders have worked without fail for almost a decade it is understandable that you have relied on them!

I hope everyone saying otherwise on this thread have never missed any kind of appointment/sent their kids to school without something they need/been late paying a bill.

OP you seem aware of how important it is to keep to appointments so maybe pop it in your phone at the time of making them as a backup from now on, but don’t feel bad. It was a genuine mistake.

It wasn't a "mistake", the op simply didn't have any sort of system for ensuring she attended medical appointments. That's not a mistake, that's being disorganised.

What if the text got delayed? Or was down for maintenance? Etc.

You cannot and should not rely on reminder systems as the only way to remember critical appointments. I'm sorry that the op got upset at being told this but tbh the receptionist will hear "it's not my fault" all day long.

because the receptionist had a point? What else do you want posters to say? You think "poor you", I don't agree. The OP asked a question, people replied....

The OP asked “was the receptionist out of order being rude to me?” She didn’t ask “was it ok I missed an appt.” She KNOWS it wasn’t ok to miss an appt, she feels bad that she did. Sh3 doesn’t need 7 pages of people telling her how bad it was. So no, people didn’t reply to her question

What did we do before reminder texts where a thing? Oh yes we write appointments on a calender as soon as we made them. I grew up in tne 80s and we didn't even have a house phone, we made appointments by walking to the surgery, making one snd writing it down straight away. It dosent take much. Honestly I despair for this generation relying on reminders instead of, you know, taking responsibility themselves 😠

yabadabadontdoit
she didn't describe the receptionist as being rude, and I agree with the receptionist.

AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

Justice this is her AIBU. I don’t agree with you

If you update your details at the dental practice I work for it updates all family members. Plus the receptionist ask anyway just to make sure.
The first time a patient misses nothing is said or charged. If it becomes a habit we just stop chasing them to rebook . No one gets lectured to. You are all grown ups at the end of the day. She was being unreasonable.

I haven't seen a single post suggesting that the OP forgetting the appointment wasn't a poor she. She isn't saying that herself, she was mortified. It was also the first time that she had forgotten a medical appointment,

The issue is the way the receptionist spoke to her. It's never okay for a receptionist to shout at a patient, or for a receptionist/secretary in any office. Ad I said earlier, I would really have been in trouble if I'd spoken to a client in that way in a legal office, however justified I might have been.

Thank you for your kind words, @MrsTerryPratchett I do think the receptionist needs to be reminded how to deal with vulnerable patients. Anger can be so misunderstood.

If it isn't part of the training then IMO it should be. I'm very grateful that I've never experienced rudeness in our surgery. The receptionists at our surgery are all very helpful.

Yanbu- I'm outraged on your behalf. You already apologised, her keeping going was a disgrace.

@ChocolateSiany
As a retired GP receptionist I can assure you that the person with whom you spoke about the missed appointment had absolutely no right to treat you so rudely .
Most practices use System One patient record details which shows appointments which have been missed . It would have been clear to this woman you weren’t in the habit of missing any . To suggest to you that you purchase a diary is the height of ignorance.
We regularly had managers listening in to our conversations with patients - if any of us had done what she did we would have been reprimanded severely .
In fact the recording of your conversation is probably still on the system and if you complained she’d be in trouble .
I hope that it’s used in future for training purposes to exemplify how not to deal with a contrite patient .
Even patients who were rude and aggressive had to be dealt with politely .
I’d mention it to the nurse when you do go in next . She wasn’t behaving at all well - she’s the reason receptionists are often regarded as bad tempered battleaxes .

Just one more point - the automated text system for mobile phone reminders should be foolproof . When it first came in practices stressed to receptionists to obtain mobile phone numbers whenever possible . So it’s hardly fair to criticize a patient for relying on receiving a reminder. Especially if a receptionist has typed in an incorrect number ........

the automated text system for mobile phone reminders should be foolproof

Why should it?

I see it as an extra layer of checking. You should have a diary and write in all appointments as you get them. Text systems are relatively new, people used to go to appointments without them.

There are some awfully judgy people on this thread. Shame on you.

OP made a mistake, apologized, then still got an earful. I'd have been upset too.

and shame on people who waste time and appointments, blame anything but themselves whilst the rest of us is unable to book the appointments they need.

When you start a thread complaining because your mistake was pointed out to you you are not that apologetic are you.

YANBU. Yes missing Doctor appointments for jabs or any other reason is not good but you have said you do not make a habit of it, it was a one off mistake and you apologised more than once. Any ranting receptionist would have got short shrift from me and I would be moving doctors and telling them why. Very unprofessional and totally uncalled for. While she was ranting at you no doubt there were people in the surgery needing to be dealt with. In the future though set up a reminder on your phone rather than rely on them.

YANBU. Obviously, you know you were in the wrong for missing the appointment and those kind of mistakes add up for the NHS. But it's not ok to lecture and humiliate someone for a one-off error when you don't know how vulnerable they might be. I've had GP receptionists do that to me when I had postnatal anxiety, even though the conversation was about an error that they'd made, not me, and I wasn't being remotely confrontational or blaming them.

Some of our GP receptionists are lovely but a couple are just bullies on a power trip who will fly off the handle if their infallibility is questioned.

I was shocked to see at the health centre a notice recording missed appointments for the previous months. Over twenty a day and rising.

She should have been serious in her tone and choice of words but not rude.

YABU.

Your genuine mistake is one in a line of these who fake/apologise/couldn't give a fuck.

You should have told her to fuck off.

I am guessing it's her fault that your DS's file wasn't updated at the time yours was.

I think you should complain to the practice manager and ask how come your records are not linked to your DS's and if they are, then why was the update not done for your DS's file at the time yours was done.

Also complain specifically about the personal attack ('your memory').

It was an accident. She had no right to be so rude to you. I'd complain.
Life happens.

OP, Yanbu. She got upset at you for missing an appointment (one time) and you apologized profusely. She continued and lectured you like a parent lecturing a child, and then stated that your memory wasn’t up to par.

I could almost understand if you were chronically missing appointments and screwing up their days, but that wasn’t the case here. It was an honest, one-time mistake. It happens.

I would have gone right back at her there on the phone and then I would have gone to the office to discuss it with her and file a complaint with her manager.

Something similar happened to me with a client several years ago. She blamed me for her husband not paying what he was supposed to, leaving the nastiest, most insulting message (after hours) that I’d ever heard (she was too cowardly to call during working hours and risk saying those things to me in person, apparently). This was a five-minute message, filled with personal attacks. I called her back and laid into her, and told her to talk to her husband who was the one to blame, since presumably he paid their bills? I mean, I know I wasn’t paying them. I told her that I will not be spoken to like that, and that I would LOVE to meet with her to discuss this face to face. Just name the time and place! Of course she back-pedaled and couldn’t get the “sorries” out fast enough.

After that her husband never, ever missed another payment.

I’ve had it with nasty people and I refuse to take crap from anyone at this stage in my life. People like that do what they do because they think they can get away with it. And they can, because people are too nice. Stand up for yourself and see what happens.

Id report her
She has NO RIGHT to speak to you that way.
Yeah a friendly reminder of the appointment and policys, sure
But to belittle you, patronise you, take pot shots at your memory. Screw that. She has NO RIGHT to do that. Also being the job she is in she should know not everyone is working at 100% menatlly or physically and things get missed. She should know better

If i could id be looking to go elsewhere

It was an honest mistake and likely the mistake of their system. You apologised.

She was nasty. She had no right speaking to you like that. I doubt berating patients is in her job description. And yes, she may have had 60 people with excuse but that isn't your problem and she had no right to take it out on you.

How does she know she isn't talking to someone who feels suicidal or someone for just lost a loved one or some other trauma?

In the past, I've had a few medical people talk harshly to me.
I don't accept it anymore. I tell them don't talk to me like that.