Just had an earful from the doctors surgery for missing appointment.

[ChocolateSiany]

I missed my son's jabs. I phoned them to change my phone number on my file so I don't miss any appointments. I forgot to change it on my son's file. So stupid. I am really forgetful so depend on their text reminders. I have started writing down all my appointments, but I didn't write this one down. I apologised profusely and have now changed my number and written down his new appointment. The woman on the phone pretty much laid in to me. Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry. She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch. I am shocked she spoke to me like that, I feel incredibly guilty for missing the appointment (I don't miss appointments regularly). Feeling down and upset that I missed the appointment. AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

Ok, so she was rude to speak to you like that and shouldn't have done it but SO many people miss appointments or can't be bothered to ring up and cancel that it costs the NHS a small fortune. She probably knows that and if she has had a number of people missing appointments she probably just had enough. Also, I did speak to a member of staff at our surgery who said that each member of staff that starts has to go on the switchboard for at least a year and how rude people can be on the phone to them and how stressful it was, especially first thing on a Monday morning. However, bet you don't forget next time.. 😊

we used to have this thing, called personal responsibility. We made an appointment, we turned up

People used to get on the day appointments, so they'd remember to go.

When you have to book weeks in advance it's not that surprising people forget.

I do think having a no-show-fee in place would concentrate minds, as I've said.

I also think text/email reminders are easy to set up and automate.

I also think that new mothers may be somewhat tired and distracted and so it's easy to forget things.

And I still think the receptionist would have behaved very differently if a dad had missed his baby's vaccination appointment

And I agree with the pp that a paper diary is really useful as long as you remember to write everything in it. I have one.

My GP surgery puts out a newsletter every month, full of underlinings and block capitals. It's like they're talking to children. I know people are annoying, but they tar everyone with the same brush.

For example you MUST NOT make an appointment with the minor injuries clinic for the following: x y z. We will NOT see you and you WILL have to rebook.

They could just say "please not make an appointment with the minor injuries clinic for the following conditions x y z as we will need to rebook your appointment with the GP".

I was once one minute late for a check up for my New born and the machine refused to check me in. Had to join the queue to see the notoriously nasty receptionist- I was dreading having to talk to her. By the time I got to her I was 7 minutes late, and she was so vile about it. I explained I was sorry, I was one minute late and the machine wouldn't check me in and then joint the queue added on a further 6 minutes. She was just so nasty about it - gave me a dressing down in front of everyone, "no excuse!!" Etc. I was mortified. Hated that woman.

People used to get on the day appointments, so they'd remember to go.

This is what my surgery has just introduced, due to the number of no shows.

It's a nightmare for people who work. You have to phone at 8am (along with everyone else) so have to free up time to do that, repeatedly, until you get through. Then they give you a time, which might be in half an hour, so you need to be close to the surgery until you know what time your appointment is.

That means that whenever you need to see the GP you have to take the day off work - even if it's a routine appointment which is great for those of us with chronic conditions that need regular monitoring isn't it? All because other people couldn't be bothered to cancel or turn up.

How am I supposed to keep my job when I have to jump through hoops like this, because other people can't run a diary?

You made a mistake OP. I’m sure even the most perfect, holier than thou Mumsnetter makes mistakes.

But of course this is Mumsnet. That really supportive forum where other mums flame you and missing an appointment is a hanging office.

She was totally unreasonable. What if you were vulnerable due to mh/pnd.

She was totally unreasonable. What if you were vulnerable due to mh

The OP IS vulnerable. She has left an abusive relationship following rape and is sensitive to being shouted at and lectured.

Which is why some of the later posters on this thread having a go at her should
RTFT

She is entitled to tell you, however, she is not entitled to be rude. I would have hung up on had she continued to talk to me in that way, you do not have to listen to that.

I once had a doctor have a go at me for actually turning up to an appointment they had given me!

I had an appointment at 1.30. A patient who had an appointment at 11.30 didn't turn up and decided to attend at 1.30, insisting the doctor saw them as they were busy at 11.30 and thought it would be ok to come two hours late and be seen.
The doctor came down to the waiting room to speak to said patient and went on a full rant saying that they couldn't see him as I had 'Unfortunately decided to turn up to my appointment'

I offered to leave and reschedule for another day (I only lived across the road from the hospital) but I was told no.
The doctor carried on for about 5 minutes, called me through and spent the majority of my appointment moaning because he had to turn his patient away because i'd turned up!

The worst part was that this appointment was in a mental health unit and my appointment turned out to be the biggest waste of time anyway. Genuinely wish he'd seen the other patient!

She was totally unreasonable. What if you were vulnerable due to mh

The OP IS vulnerable.

The op is vulnerable but then so too are other people, who also need appointments but can't get one. Whilst I think the receptionist was wrong to be rude I don't think she was wrong to point out the implications of missing an appointment because in doing so she's trying to ensure that their are appointments available for everyone who needs one.

The op has now, accidentally, taken 2 appointment slits when she only needed one. That's not sustainable if too many patients do it.

Ive had rudeness recently OP, but I was trying to make an appointment. Ive been going on and off for a month now, no explanation of what's wrong with me either.
The doctor told me to go back if I started to feel worst, so I called in to make an appointment. She was adament I needed to see a nurse practitioner. I advised her the doctor told me to go and see a doctor, to which she told me a doctor won't see me because its more than one condition. She then had to 'check' that I'd seen a doctor the day before and read my notes before letting me see a doctor. A few days later my sons skin was really bad, the doctor referred him to a dermatologist. There was no available appointments. The telephone line adviced me to ring the surgery to try and get a different hospital. I done this, the receptionist spend the majority of the time having ago at me saying I needed to be referred and couldnt make an appointment off my own back. I explained I'd been referred but theres no appointments available, to which she told me the doctor makes them not me, she wouldn't listen to anything I had to say and kept talking over me.. I eventually spoke to the practice manager and my son has an appointment today and I've got an appointment with a specialist next week.
With both stress from my son and me. The last thing I needed was for them not to listen to me.

I think you should complain.

It may actually be the right thing to do as it may highlight to the practice manager a failure in management of their staff as well. The rant may have been less likely if the staff were under less pressure or better managed.

And yes you should ask whether this would have been said to a man, or what if English was not your mother tongue.

It’s for you to manage and keep your appointments

It’s not for others to do this for you

It’s sounds as though she was harsh. We have heard every excuse under the sun why someone has forgotten or didn’t turn up rarely are they genuine and having a baby yes you forget but you are aware that you are forgetful so it’s for you to manage that

The fact is that is wasted time and this costs. We know from experience that charging people thy never ever forgot to turn up or cancel in time

I wouldn't complain.
Try to find coping mechanisms.

You're relying on someone else to remind you to do something.

Rely on yourself.

YABU

Op 💐 I've been in your exact situation. It's not easy. Trying to understand and get your head around what happened and function........there's no words.
I hope you manage to reconcile what's happened in your head and move on. It's bloody hard, but you've done the hardest part. Well done. You can do this. Don't let the bastard keep you down - it's where he wants you. 💐 xx

IKR?! The sanctimony on this thread is palpable. OP if you’re still reading, you’re human, you made one small error and you shouldn’t have been spoken to the way you were, it was unprofessional and the wY you were doesn’t represent the nhs I work for. Ignore all the perfect mums who have clearly never been so stressed or busy that they forgot a small detail.

When I've visited the hospital

Some departments have clear information showing how many appointments were available & how many no shows

Those "5 minutes" to link all this information isn't just 5 minutes is it? In my household alone there's 6 of us, my GP group has 200,000 patients, that adds up to a significant amount of 5 minutes don't you think?

@Tessabelle74

I have five DCs, all registered with the same pediatrician (in the US).
There are two separate parent phone numbers and also private health insurance ID numbers and an insurance group number, as well as three contact numbers for the insurance company.

When the health insurance information changed on three occasions, I phoned and the information was updated for each child. When I phoned to update the office with a change of address the software system that the office had in place (with efficiency in mind) again updated the address for all of the DCs. When I phoned to update the office with exH's phone number, and a year or two later with my new mobile number the same thing happened.

This is because the office had software in place that cross linked family members. Do you think a receptionist had to find each file and laboriously type the new information, in triplicate, maybe using carbon paper...

Each time anyone brought DCs for a doctor visit the receptionist asked if there was any change in any of the information - insurance or contact info, or address. You were given a clipboard to fill out whatever was new, and the receptionist entered the info - once - at her convenience.

All of this gobsmacking software has been available for probably 15-20 years now. (My oldest DC is 29).

@mathanxiety
The NHS is anything but efficient! You just gloss over the fact that the OP FORGOT THE APPOINTMENT. It's not the receptionists fault, it's not the systems fault, it's the OP's fault. Next time maybe she'll write it on the calendar, put it in her diary AND set a reminder on her phone.

And the office also had an automated appointment reminder service. You would get a text and a recorded message two days before your appointment along with a reminder that if you had to cancel you had to do it at least 24 hours ahead of time.

Because life is too short to stand on ceremony. Sometimes you have to identify priorities and then work toward your ultimate goal, which in the case of the pediatrician office was cutting down on receptionist time spent dealing with parents who had forgotten appointments, cutting down on time spent scheduling and updating calendars, cutting down on overstaffing, and of course maximising the treatment of patients, getting vaccinations done on time, getting school physicals done on time, keeping records in order because all shots and physicals were done there instead of some other doctor's office or a clinic in a supermarket, cutting down on time spent requesting updated patient records from other HCPs and entering it...

What is achieved by preaching at people about personal responsibility when you know that human nature is what it is, and when you also know that there is all that lovely software out there that could make a practice so much more efficient?

The NHS has no business being inefficient.

Plenty of GP practices have software that aids efficiency.

The practices that don't need to put their hands up and take responsibility for their inefficiency, their contribution to the chaos and dissatisfaction.

I recently attended a London hospital appointment for my Dd who's in a large electric wheelchair to be told at the reception desk they had cancelled the appointment 🤬 so we turned around again for the hour and a half drive back! I also received an appointment yesterday to another hospital for 20th November 2020.

mathanxiety
But the fact remains that, even if the surgery had changed the phone number and sent a reminder text to the op, because she doesn't make a note of GP appointments herself she may well have booked something else for the same time as she wouldn't have remembered the appointment until she received the text message.

That isn't at all efficient.