Just had an earful from the doctors surgery for missing appointment.

[ChocolateSiany]

I missed my son's jabs. I phoned them to change my phone number on my file so I don't miss any appointments. I forgot to change it on my son's file. So stupid. I am really forgetful so depend on their text reminders. I have started writing down all my appointments, but I didn't write this one down. I apologised profusely and have now changed my number and written down his new appointment. The woman on the phone pretty much laid in to me. Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry. She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch. I am shocked she spoke to me like that, I feel incredibly guilty for missing the appointment (I don't miss appointments regularly). Feeling down and upset that I missed the appointment. AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

I am not good at accepting criticism. I know that's partially my fault. I have just come out of a long term abusive relationship, I'm exhausted, I'm recovering from being shouted at and lectured and belittled every single day for three years of my life. Things like this put me right back to square 1. Unless someone has done something to intentionally hurt another person I just think it is completely unacceptable to talk to a stranger that way. I know, she didn't know my history, and nor did any of you, but it's risky to be so rude to a stranger like that. I know. This is my issue and I am making a huge deal out of it.

Just not very good at being spoken to like a fool when I've made a genuine mistake.

This is their systems issue. It would make a lot of sense if when a parent changed a number it was flagged that the number also existed on relatives files.

Yes you could have done better but so could they. Rude pricks blaming you like that. I'd write an official complaint if it was anyone but the NHS.

When I changed my number when we moved the surgery asked about my children

'If your memory isn't up to scratch'?!

She crossed a line. I'd complain. Patronising, insulting, inappropriate.

And don't come back with 'oh they do a hard job... she was right, it costs the NHS' - yes, I know all that. I also know that if you want patients to be prepared to work with you to minimise waste and inefficiency, you don't alienate them by speaking to them in a way which makes them think 'Well fuck you.'

I do wonder with text reminders though if people stop thinking for themselves at all.

I have an idea when things are so check near the time.

If you just wait to be reminded a day or two before, is it completely out of your mind until then?

I'd write an official complaint if it was anyone but the NHS.

Other way around - the NHS needs all the help it can get and that includes people being willing to call out the bad apples who do their job poorly and shouldn't be in the positions they are.

I can see both sides. Technicaly she was right, but sounds like she laid it on a bit thick.

Having said that it really gets on my nerves how difficult it is to get an appointment at my GP surgery and yet according to the posters up in the surgery every month nearly 300 appointments are wasted as people just don't turn up for them. It is a massive waste of resources. I'm not saying it's the main reason the NHS is in trouble because it isn't, but it really doesn't help either.

Oh well, lesson learned OP.

She sounds rude. And I read a tweet from Dr Margaret McCartney recently that said she used missed appointments to catch up on paperwork so they're not quite as bad as people make out.

YANBU - She shouldn't have spoken to you like that as mistakes do happen.

I'm also wondering what age your child is because if theyre young (and the jabs are baby jabs) then I know all too well the fog that can take over your brain which means you'll easily miss things like this.

YANBU and I don't agree that all professionals under stress act this way. I work in adult social care and was manning the duty phone yesterday, we are very stressed and take a lot of crap on the phone but wouldn't dream of telling someone off like a child

OP, you shouldn't have missed the appointment and you know that.

And she knew you knew that.

I do think we need to start charging for missed appointments (would concentrate some minds about having the courtesy to cancel (and people would remember to update details)) but shouting at someone about it won't make them unforget. Even a late cancellation will get filled, people are so desperate for appointments, so it would literally only be if someone neither turned up nor let you know that you would charge.

And I agree they wouldn't have a go at a man in the same way especially if it was a dad who'd missed the appointment for his son.

Sounds like she's on a power trip! She could just have politely reminded you of their policy regarding missed appointments - not blamed you for the whole failure of the NHS!!

She had no right to speak to you like that and I would make a complaint. It’s her job to remind you and obviously if there are consequences (deregistration) to explain them, but not to berate you.

It was a mistake on your part but part of being an adult is to have your shit sorted. I'm surprised you've got to the point of having a child and don't have a system for reminding yourself of appointments. It's a basic life skill. You can't rely on reminders only.

It does sound as if she went way over the top in berating you. You'd apologised profusely and she must have been able to see that you weren't a repeat offender. No need for it.

I do think we need to start charging for missed appointments (would concentrate some minds about having the courtesy to cancel

I totally agree with this. You shouldn’t have missed the appointment, and you know that. But the people that work on reception at GP surgeries are amongst the most horrendously rude people I have ever had the misfortune of interacting with. Across multiple surgeries. It sounds like standard practice to me.

another one here saying when I changed my address they automatically changed the address of my children too. basic admin. so the surgery is also in the wrong.

also agree she wouldn't have spoken to a man like that.

a trick I learned years ago working for a horrible boss - if you make a mistake, only apologise once. say it sincerely then move on. they can't keep banging on at you if you're not playing the submissive role.

I use the calendar on my phone else I'd miss everything I book

"It was a mistake on your part but part of being an adult is to have your shit sorted. I'm surprised you've got to the point of having a child and don't have a system for reminding yourself of appointments." The thing is I don't have my shit sorted. I have poor mental health. My ex raped me without a condom, which is why I have a child. And I absolutely don't claim to have my shit sorted.

'Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch.'

So he won't get his jab? Or have I misunderstood.

Pointing out out is fine but she went too far, plenty of patients have MH issues etc and this just puts them off trying to use the doc at all. I sometimes wonder if that is part of the purpose. Had a bad exp myself once, different but wasn't helpful.

I'd have hung up in the middle of her rant tbh. Reminding you gently that a missed appointment costs the NHS is fine. Being rude is absolutely not!

For future reference, when anyone starts ranting at you on the phone, tell them that the call is being recorded. They usually stop and change their tone pretty sharpish as they know they're crossing a line.