Just had an earful from the doctors surgery for missing appointment.

[ChocolateSiany]

I missed my son's jabs. I phoned them to change my phone number on my file so I don't miss any appointments. I forgot to change it on my son's file. So stupid. I am really forgetful so depend on their text reminders. I have started writing down all my appointments, but I didn't write this one down. I apologised profusely and have now changed my number and written down his new appointment. The woman on the phone pretty much laid in to me. Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry. She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch. I am shocked she spoke to me like that, I feel incredibly guilty for missing the appointment (I don't miss appointments regularly). Feeling down and upset that I missed the appointment. AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

I'm surprised you've got to the point of having a child and don't have a system for reminding yourself of appointments

FGS what a nasty comment. And stupid too.

From a parent who struggled to get an appointment for her child, YABU.

It happens, but the fact that you need to write a thread to complain about being reminded how not acceptable it is, then massive BU.

I completely agree, it's about time we charge for missing appointments and charge everybody.

I work in the NHS and I get really passed off at people missing appointments.

I work in CAMHS. We’re under considerable pressure and seem to be forever in the news for our waiting times etc. And yet people routinely miss appointments. Given they get letters AND text reminders it’s pretty mind-boggling. And it’s even more annoying, as we get frequent complaints because of how long the wait is. Well, the wait wouldn’t be anywhere near as long if people actually turned up.

Such a shame that we don't all have a mini computer in our pockets that has a diary/reminder system. If only those little gadgets we spend all our time on looking a fluffy kittens on social media did other things like a diary/reminder system. Oh wait - I think they do!

Not going to pile onto the OP anymore, she clearly sees she made a mistake.

However, posters like this:

She also could've asked if you need to update the info for other people in your household and failed to do so

The receptionist did not fail to do this. Grown adults need to take responsibility for their OWN lives and not have their hand held every second. It's not her job to remind someone they have children!

212 people missed their appointment at my child's orthodontists and tens and tens missed the doctors last month. It is a real issue. I completely forgot to take toddler dd to her eye hospital appointment as I was unwell and determined we'd make baby group. I was also three hours late for teenager dad hospital appointment. The first I rang to apologise and they were fine as knew I was genuinely sorry and has made an error. The latter I offered to pay for the appointment. Conversely a very elderly lady had turned up for an appointment the hospital hadn't explained as cancelled as she had been seen the week before as an extra. So it works both ways and the non show should always apologise but the receptionist has no right to bollock you so excessively.

Once you'd explained and apologised, she really should have laid off. It appears that you made it clear that you fully accepted you were in the wrong and were quite mortified by this, so I can't really see what she expected to achieve by going on about this. I'd have been tempted to cut her off by saying "Look, I've apologised, I've told you what I'm doing to make sure there is no repetition, I can't see what else you expect me to do. Can we please move on?"

Surely anyone with common sense can see that I put most things in my diary apart from doctors appointments. As I haven't missed one EVER because I get reliable text reminders. Why after 8 years of not missing appointments would I start putting it in my diary now? It was a mistake. I didn't realise mine and my son's accounts weren't linked. I got a old off like a naughty school child, made to feel terrible and small when in reality the receptionist had no idea what I had been through in this particular week. I was polite to her. I apologised profusely and she was utterly rude and nasty to me. Even going on to tell me how much my son depends on me to get him to his appointments. Like I don't know that. I understand that I was wrong, I just feel scared to go to the jabs at all now.

Complain, OP. She had a very good point, but made it very poorly. She can't be treating people like this all the time and getting away with it. Especially given that she is dealing with ill people.

Yes, there are faults in the system but that's because it can't handle human error. That doesn't stop us being human. You made a mistake and said sorry, that should have been the end of it.

I wonder if she's ever made a mistake herself? Doesn't sound like it!

Sorry OP, I can’t say I have sympathy for you tbh. Missed appts cost the NHS and prevent someone else making use of them.

Surely anyone with common sense can see that I put most things in my diary apart from doctors appointments.

Surely anyone with common sense can see that I put most things in my diary apart from doctors appointments.

Well no because you didn't say this. Also how do you know if they are going to clash with something if they aren't in your diary?

I have even less sympathy for you now OP after your last post.

Surely anyone with common sense can see that I put most things in my diary apart from doctors appointments. As I haven't missed one EVER because I get reliable text reminders. Why after 8 years of not missing appointments would I start putting it in my diary now?

But if you've not put the drs appointment in your diary what stops you from double booking another appointment at the same time as the drs appointment that you've got no record of?

I've worked with a lot of GPs. Individual GPs don't mind the odd missed appointment as it does mean they get the chance for a coffee/some paperwork or just to query something with colleagues.

Most practices have a problem with persistent non-attenders. Some so bad they get removed from lists.

They may also be being asked to reduce their DNA rate as this does stop others from getting timely appointments. However, being rude to patients isn't acceptable, and being rude to someone who has only missed one appointment is even worse.

To be honest, part the reason you got a telling off is that she probably doesn't get to have much of a go at people that don't turn up - they just don't bother to get in touch

Actually, if your son is a minor, I'd say it's a fault in their system. They should have known that the number on his file wasn't his own, and they should have known whose it was. You told them you had a new number - it's not your job to do the behind-the-scenes admin. They knew how to reach you.

Some posters laying in to the OP need to read her updates. She's been through a horrendous ordeal at the hands of her ex, getting pregnant because he raped her without a condom. You've done so well to get away from him, OP.

IMO, GP receptionists ought to realise that a lot of patients are very vulnerable and that it's not appropriate to take out their frustration on them. They can always have a rant with their colleagues afterwards. I felt very frustrated with some clients when I was a legal secretary, but I bit my tongue. If I'd spoken to a client the way the receptionist spoke to the OP, I would have been in a lot of trouble.

Some people really can't take it. I find shouting very triggering myself because of my abusive childhood.

The problem is the NHS have been playing nice for too long, so people don't change their behaviour.

Health care is expensive, with people in the UK being shielded from the cost, they just waste resources.

I think OP's mind might be a bit more focused if she was sent a bill for the money she wasted.

She does sound rude, however you had no good reason for missing the apointment. Just move on and get more organised in future.

People remember appointment without the need for a phone.

Yanbu.
You weren't to know their database didn't automatically update your child's record too. I didn't realise our gp's didn't update the dc's records with our new address she we moved. I assumed it was all linked . Mistakes happen and she didn't need to get stroppy about it.

I’ve worked in the NHS in a department where non attenders impact the workload quite seriously (appointments are relatively long time slots). It is frustrating but I wouldn’t dream of ranting at someone like this, and I honestly would like to be informed if a member of my staff was carrying on like this. It doesn’t take you long to get a feeling for who has made a genuine mistake and who is taking the mickey (and a quick glance at your records would show that you weren’t a persistent non-attender). I’ve obviously no way of proving this but in my experience 90% of missed appointments are caused by 10% of patients. These are the people that should be targeted (except they’re probably the type to give you a punch on the nose if you try to rant at them).

I am honestly shocked that people think it's someone else responsibility to remind them of their own appointment!

Do you also expect a daily text from school or work to remind you that it's a week day?

I am serious, WHY can't you manage your own appointments. Reminders are helpful, but really, you shouldn't need them or shouldn't expect them. They are a courtesy (or a way for a business not to lose out too much), not your personal PA system.