'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

Why people saying the woman is autistic or somehow no responsible for her actions? There are lots of homophobes out there. There is no need to try and create excuses for this people.

Why people saying the woman is autistic or somehow no responsible for her actions?
I know, such an insult to the many people with ASD who manage perfectly well not to be terrible homophobes.

Many of us with Aspergers/ASD are actually MORE open minded than neurotypical people... we kinda have to be, seeing as we’re different you know? Shock horror, some Aspies are even bi or gay!

This isn’t an NT/ASD problem, it’s an ignorance problem.

She sounds like a grandiose narcissist

if she is so terribly intelligent and good at reading people, why is she employed as a grocery filler, not a neuroscientist?
Just say this to her

I actually did a jaw hit the floor face when I read your OP. How stressful for you.
That is not ASD, it's someone who is opinionated, homophobic and tactless.
Tell a supervisor and ask to change shifts.

She must do that job for powertrip reasons. It makes her feel superior to the volunteers and users of the foodbank. Whats the bet the service-users dont benefit from her pearls of wisdom?

Personally I'd be reporting her for her homophobia! It's gross misconduct in most work places

She’s just a big wanna be know it all with no friends because she pisses everyone off.
Report before she goes to far.
Sounds like she acts like everyone is beneath her!
Tell her your last is 110.

3 hours is a very long time to put up with this
I'd definitely complain and in the meantime get some headphones and claim you have to listen to a lecture as revision

"I'm amazed that even though you're so exceptional intelligent, you still don't know when to shut the fuck up"

And then - smile.

The best thing to do is laugh at her. When she goes on about her high IQ, burst out laughing, look right at her and say "Really? You do surprise me!" Or a really withering look and tell her you pity her. She is massively insecure. Try analysing her.....say " now what's happened in your past to make you have to big yourself up?" She sounds an absolute fuckin nightmare.

not saying you are vulnerable but i'm sure the managers are aware of safeguarding and i'm thinking her attitude falls under the heading of abuse? not that you are needing care and support in a needy way but they are responsible for you whilst you are on their premises
It means protecting an adult's right to live in safety, free from abuse and neglect. The aims of adult safeguarding are to: prevent harm and reduce the risk of abuse or neglect to adults with care and support needs.

Definitely complain to a manager about her homophobia - that's unacceptable and volunteering or not, you have a right to work in an abuse-free environment.

I'm so cross with her and I don't even know her!

Sounds like she needs some training before she gets into even more trouble. Equality, Diversity and inclusion plus good manners !

It’s bullying really. You should speak to her manager. Why do you think you’re the only one who wants to work that shift. She needs to be told her behaviour is not appropriate. You might not be the only one she’s bullied. Do they have a bullying policy? Check it out

It may be worth pointing out to her that there are many different kinds of intelligence (people skills don't appear to be hers, which may be why you are the only other volunteer at that time). Have a look at the TED talk by James Shone, he explains it really well.
If she is academically that brilliant, how come she's not in a job where she can use those skills? It's possible that although she is academically very capable, she has some autistic traits that make it difficult for her to relate to other people.

Her behaviour and comments definitely construe homophobic behaviour which is governed by law.

Even though it is hard to confront, it might be altruistic to do so and prevent her beliefs and comments from hurting or influencing others.

She is, what is known as, a twat. I'm pretty sure that if you were to analyse her, you'll find she's the one with unsupportive parents/been hurt by a partner. I'm assuming she volunteers alongside a very intense, high powered career; her being so very intelligent? 🤔. My advice is to laugh at her every time she's being ridiculous. It probably won't help but it's better than decking the silly moo

This is one of those times where you speak up about someone's bullying (however cleverly disguised) to make it easier for the next person she comes across, who may not be as secure in themselves.

@TheMidasTouch

how is it relevant why coworker knows op is gay? she could have rocked up to work one day with a t-shirt that says lesbian on it in big letters, still wouldnt justify coworker harrasing her with homophobic bullshit

What an awful woman, shame that a swift punch to the throat would be frowned upon (only kidding!)
As she is a permanent member of staff I suggest you find another charity to volunteer at.

You could be describing a relative of mine. Is there any chance she could be on the autistic spectrum?

Sorry I posted too soon. My relative talks a lot but doesn’t actually chat. More like makes statements and has opinions on everything from how we put our bins out wrong to how the earth was actually created but they are 100 % sure that everything they say is correct and other people’s opinions don’t matter. They have no concept that anything they say might be hurtful or that they get on everyone’s nerves. They were diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum when they were an adult. Up till then everyone just thought they were obnoxious.

She's nasty.

My daughter is gay. She came out when she was 13. She never had a boyfriend, just came to the realisation that she was attracted to girls, not boys. She wasn't hurt by a man and I'd like to think she'd regards me as a "strong mother figure".

This woman sounds like she needs someone to explain equality and love to her. Please find someone you can speak to, it's not OK for her to say what she did (quite apart from the 'intelligent' stuff which is irrelevant to your work and unnecessary).