'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

Tell her that for someone so apparently smart she's remarkably thick with people. I wouldn't hold back it's not your job

Also I'd complain to the charity about her homophobic comments

Just received a message from her with a link to this article about the correlation between maltreatment in childhood and sexual orientation in adulthood?!?!?!

Can't be arsed to read it (have also muted her on WhatsApp) but for goodness' sake all I did was sign up for a volunteer gig not bloody psychotherapy from some random woman.

@TheMidasTouch yes, I did read that in the post - but I'd quite possibly say 'That timeslot isn't really convenient for me' when I meant 'If I have to spend another minute in that bloody woman's company, I'll probably end up trying to hide her body behind the tinned peaches'.

OK, she's now harassing you on grounds of your sexual orientation.

But at least she's been Very Smart and given you incontrovertible proof of her behaviour for HR.

That’s gone over the boundaries into harassment now. I guess she is not so smart after all. Time to speak to someone in the organisation about her behaviour. Bet you’re not the first to be on the receiving end.

You should leave this position and send an email to the volunteer co-ordinator explaining exactly why you have left.

I would also suggest that you forward this email to someone senior in the charity and/or the charity's trustees (there should be contact details on their website).

I am a trustee of a charity which relies heavily on volunteers to deliver its service and I would want to know about this.

I hope it doesn't put you off volunteering in the future.

She has just given you your ticket off of that shift with her. Send it on to the manager/organizer and ask to be moved off working with her because of her harassment.

Oh, and a high IQ really doesn't mean shit. It isn't enough to have a clever brain if you haven't used it to study and learn. The knowledge isn´ t there unless you work to put it in there.

OP, please, please report this to the charity - this is horrendously offensive and homophobic. I've volunteered for an awful lot of projects over the years, and I can only ever recall one volunteer being told not to return - because she said some absolutely abhorrent homophobic abuse to another volunteer who was gay. I witnessed it and went straight to the project manager who had her out the door within twenty minutes.

I appreciate you're new to the foodbank, but you're a volunteer, giving up time and goodwill in order to help others. No one - especially you - deserves to have to put up with this kind of shit by an employee of the charity. They should be made aware of her behaviour.

Point out to her that nowadays, Emotional Intelligence is considered as important as IQ.

Please screen shot the WhatsApp and send it to her managers along with a request for an instant removal from being on shift with her

I would absolutely report her for the message today.

I think the phrase you need to direct at her and about her is that she is being very offensive. Her comments about everything presumably fall under "offensive".

There are many other charities to give your help to .You dont need this woman ! What business is it of hers whether you are gay or not? A cousin of mine was helping at the local food bank ,and left because of another staff member assuming she was in charge of her! Just completely out of order!

Wow that is offensive. Definitely report her

YANBU. As a rule, I have found that people who refer to themselves as smart are generally idiots. If you really are smart, you don’t need to tell people, it’s obvious.

Also, how smart can you really be voicing idiotic, homophobic views?!

Hi OP

I'm bisexual and I'd be complaining about this. The comment she made is hugely homophobic, and the fact that she's followed it up by sending an article is just awful.

I wouldn't respond on whatsapp, but I would make a formal complaint about this woman. IMO, she shouldn't be working with vulnerable people in any capacity!

I wouldn't bother addressing it with her further ATM, but if she continues to send things to you, I would say once "Your views are homophobic, I'm not willing to engage in this discussion" and if she carries on, then block her.

I'd absolutely refuse to volunteer on the same shift as her again.

Tell her clever people have no common sense. My uncle is a professer and he is clueless. That should shut her up. Then tell her your in love and proceed to give blow by blow account to the homaphobic bitch 😍😍

Bloody hell report her for homophobic comments she sounds awful and that would throw her over the boat with that post. I would probably be crass say to her ok a lesbian because I like vagina and watch her face

In all honesty if she’s staff you need to complain for that reason alone, if you leave someone else possibly less able to handle it will get the same treatment. Leave and complain to several people in management of the charity or whatever the organisation is.

The food bank relies on volunteers - they need to be treated with respect. I would email whoever deals with ‘HR’ matters with the dates and details of your colleague’s inappropriate remarks about your sexuality and ask to work with somone else.

A high IQ doesn’t necessarily indicate any common sense or social skills...if she was that intelligent she wound twig that its no more appropriate to make homophobic remarks at work as it is to make sexist or racist comments.

Complain to the manager, She is being a homophobic bigot. It is absolutely outrageous to imply that your sexual orientation means you are damaged in some way.
An intelligent person would know that.

It’s only volunteering ( meaning that you don’t depend on it financially) I’d quit and then write to her employer and the volunteer leader and anyone else you can think of and tell them why you’ve quit, esp the homophobic stuff. Just tell her what you think of her, tell her fu** off and walk out mid shift.

Fuck me, just seen your update. I'm bisexual and I would absolutely be emailing someone after her recent message. What a knob!

That's awful and very sexist. I would call her up on that at least. Feel for you to have to put up with her. Maybe find somewhere that will make your volunteering more pleasant

She's not at all smart. She's a bully and a bigot. What she is saying to you about being gay is discriminatory.