'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

I'm so sorry that you've chosen to give your time to a charity (and in a slot where the shifts were most needed) and this has happened.

Great that you plan to send the coordinator an email. I'm a manager of volunteers and I would absolutely want to know if this was happening where I work. Can you screenshot the WhatsApp message she sent you and pass that along as well?

I hope the coordinator takes it as seriously as it should be taken. If not, are there any posters around the building with an HR partner's details? You could always take it to them if you feel you're not being taken seriously.

She just sounds down right rude, and inconsiderate / ignorant of anyone else's opinions or feelings op. Yanbu to think about leaving for another charity volunteering role, but when / if you do make sure to let the manager know your reasons. for you

Id also report for sending the article. I assume tht is homophobic too ? So I assume you have proof that she sent it rather than a "she said" situation. Additionally if she has your phone number for work reasons she should not be using it for personal reasoms

I'm glad she's sent incontrovertible proof of her homophobia so you can make an official complaint - and if she's full time then whoever suffers her the other 37 hours can benefit from her being retrained or replaced.

As to the IQ thing, I worked with a guy who loved to tell us his IQ was 150 or so. Until we were having office drinks and he told a visiting professor-type who looked him up and down and said "wow, you're a proper underachiever aren't you". Still warms my heart that one

You know what? You are in the perfect position to tell her to stop boasting, that people who can't stop going on about how smart they are are never very smart, that smart people don't need to boast as it is obvious to all, that they are very annoying and to please stop talking. it's not a job, you don't have to be there. You are a volunteer so go on, knock yourself out and tell her what she needs to be told. And smile the whole time.

she sounds as if she is a lonely person. by saying all those negative things about you trying to make herself better, really nasty ...my daughter has a friend like this who does not see they have a problem..

have a word with the person in charge to see if they could have someone else with you at that time youwork there.

Try and volunteer elsewhere, you shouldn't be made to feel bad especially after doing a good thing

She isn't smart AT ALL.
She is rude, she is arrogant, she is disrespectful and she needs calling out. Report this horrendous homophobic idiot to the manager. How fucking vile 😠

Record one of her conversations covertly on your phone. Or more than one. Then send it to the volunteer coordinator to explain why you can't work with her. Bet she won't be able to 'figure out' you were going to do that.

Well how unreasonable of you!
Read her link, resolve your past issues and start being straight fgs! It’s only a phase or an unresolved issue! All men and women are straight really! All they need is her link to free them of their gay tendencies and we can all have world peace!
Go Sandra the high IQ volunteer. You singlehanded you saved the world one lesbian at a time..!

Did she seriously seek out a bullshit article for you? I’ll be the first to say it; she fancies you. She is trying to impress you with her intellect and you have ignored her so she is googling ways to make you notice her.

But on a serious note; that is my acceptable. You really do need to report her. She has no right to send you that sort of thing unless you were having some sort of two way intense conversation about it. Anything else is just her bombarding you with her opinions and thoughts. All of which make it harder for you to help out. Your sexual orientation and IQ have no bearing on the work you are doing, from what you have said. It’s none of her business. She needs to be told.

My acceptable = unacceptable

She sounds awful and far from smart.

I’m not being funny but she is a total disgrace and should not be working anywhere near a food bank who typically work with people who are facing difficult times. Also as a volunteer you should not be analysed and have comments made about how you caught ‘gayness’ WTF it’s 2019 I would report her and her comments and I’m sure they will dismiss her generous volunteering hours

I think you should just send her a text following her behaviour. And follow up with management, and if your line manager is useless, go above her/him.

'Karen that article was uncalled for and I will be reporting you. Please don't contact me again, if you see me at work, don't try to talk to me, I have no interest in anything to do with you'

Possible this person has Aspergers or is on the autistic spectrum.

I'm struggling to believe it she is real I don't mean that I doubt you OP I just mean I'm flabbergasted someone can get away with carrying on like that
I think I might just start taking the piss, tell her that my IQ is 10 points higher, psychoanalyze her in return etc etc

I think I’d just reply to her each time saying,... You do know that’s bollocks, don’t you?
And report her to your manager. It’s not acceptable.

This person sounds like they lack some sort of social & emotional awareness of other people
I've met a few very intelligent people, who have little common sense

I would find somewhere else to volunteer

Report her to her manager

I would approach this as if she has narcissistic tendencies. She won’t change even if spoken to. You can only change what you do, what you think and how you act.

So it’s: volunteer at another time (I know that is tricky for you)
Volunteer at another place.
Every time you have a negative thought about her during the shift do something positive for her. Eg make her a cup of tea. This might make her take you for granted even more but it’s about you guarding your heart from getting negative and triggering a stress response.
Plan some generic responses to her bs:
-Hmmmm that’s interesting you think that. I don’t agree but we can agree to differ on that point.

• Hmmm I will really think about that. It’s not been my experience so far

but that has given me something to think about.

• Name, I am not sure you are aware but you are coming across as quite rude. I would prefer it if you didn’t say that to me again. It makes me feel upset.

I have worked with some very difficult people and she sounds similar just in the little that you have shared.

Volunteering can be such a connecting and positive experience, and part of it is the social element, of working with others. It’s miserable when who you are working alongside is difficult.

Look honestly, you get lots of “characters” volunteering who aren’t that attractive in the paid-for job market. This person has social issues, clearly. Don’t go too hard on them, it sounds like a disability issue to me (aspie).

Insufferable. Cannot stand those fools that state their opinion as fact

The person OP is referring to isn’t a volunteer but a paid full time member of staff

I've only read the first page of this thread and that was enough to make my blood boil. Based on what I've read on the first page, I'd put my headphones on while I'm working alongside her so I won't have to listen to her nonsense. If she asks or wants to tell me something, I'd tell her that if it's not work related, I'd need to listen to my music/lecture/audio book, etc. I'd definitely report her to her superiors too.