'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

and reprimand her accordingly.

I would make a complaint about the comment she made about you being gay. That's homophobic.

Is taking headphones in an option? Play some music should stop her chatting to you. She may find it rude but I think that's a bonus if she does.

Quite apart from the homophobia, the “common sense in my day” thing is such bullshit. My mother had to study to get into and pass university exams, and she’s in her 70s! Academic qualifications have never relied on common sense. I reckon she’s actually got some kind of inferiority complex about qualifications.
That’s irritating, but not worth complaining over. The homophobia absolutely is though. Imagine if she moved to dealing with the public!

She's a homophobic bigot and her employer needs to be aware of her unacceptable conduct in the workplace.

Food banks tend to be run by a larger organisation, so it might be worth making a judgement call on how high to take this depending on your assessment of the relationship between the manager and this staff member. I'm not suggesting you go nuclear, but if the manager and this woman are best buddies it's probably best to contact someone more neutral.

'amusingly Sandra, although you think you can read me, you got me totally wrong as I have put a grievance in for your homophobia this morning. Perhaps you should think before you speak and drop yourself in it even further?'

Please report her. The next person she makes homophobic comments to may not be in a position to do so or have support around them.

l'd be inclined to email the person who actually runs the food bank, and copy in anyone with any sort of authority within it (the one l volunteered at was run by a manager, but some of the local councillors were very much involved with it).
l'd say that as much as l want to be involved with the foodbank, and very much want to help, unfortunately l feel extremely uncomfortable by this woman's behaviour and her comments. l'd state some examples clearly and in detail. l'd end by saying that this means that l feel l can no longer work alongside this person, and therefore, very reluctantly, my volunteering position has become untenable.
You may well find out that you're not the first person who's left because of her.

Does she ever have to interact with the public?

Thankfully not. We usually pack grocery necessities into food packages so it's just me and her 99% of the time

^^ there will be a reason for this, the not dealing with the public part, being back room, the organisation know she is a liability if let loose with normal folk , shame they didn't have the courtesy to give you a heads up. Does she work as well ?

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue)

Tell her to nob off. Sorry, not very charitable or polite but WTF lol! Find a nicer place to help out, I couldn't be doing with her blah!!

I would make a complaint as the homophobia is completely unacceptable and I would hope that the charity would be horrified to find out what she is saying. If the result of your complaint is anything other than no longer having to work with this stupid woman then I’d find somewhere else to volunteer instead, it won’t be the only deserving organisation out there.

Is it a Christian organisation? Might explain the homophobia.

I’d make a complaint about her homophobia. Totally out of order.

Headphones.

And stop being nice.

What is this amazing IQ score?
Unfortunately the people who talk about how clever they are, do so because they're insecure about it.
If I were you, her view of your homosexuality would be enough to drive me away. It is just who you are, and you didn't invite her to pontificate.

Not so clever if she believes bullshit about being gay because of past trauma.

I bet she's into conspiracy theories and shite like that too.

So all Christians are homophobic @MotherOfSoupDragons......

Best I check with our gay pastor on Sunday.

Lol maddie, cos that's exactly what I said. Yawn.

Please report her for homophobia, as her statements are against the ethos of the equality act. She has contact with vulnerable service users and it makes me shiver to think of someone like her receiving food vouchers from clients at their lowest ebb. No one who is smart tells other people they are 'smart', and if she was 'smart' then she would understand that IQ is not a fixed construct. I am a former Oxford don, and we didn't all sit around telling each other how 'smart' we were. How embarrassing that would have been, as it doesn't matter how smart you feel you are when you work with people who demonstrate their gifts actively. Smart people are too busy doing to worry about labels. I wasn't the smartest in my department by a long shot. I met academics there who were on fire with their subject knowledge and general cognitive functioning. So, academic exams are not common sense as anyone knows who has sat them, and even the best of the best have to prepare if they wish to compete at an elite level of international scholarship. Postgraduate careers are a horror if you spent your undergraduate years in the pub.

IQ contains elements of cognitive aptitude linked to verbal and non-verbal reasoning that allow a qualified person to give an approximate IQ value, within a standard deviation of the scale. You cannot have a fixed IQ, and most professionals express it as an estimation of say, 100, with 15 points either side (the standard deviation of a popular clinical IQ test is 15...meaning your IQ is between 85-115, using the 100 example). She has probably sat a dodgy IQ test off the internet, as the proper IQ assessments on an adult are quite expensive. I just funded an IQ test for my child and it cost 300 quid. Next time she asserts that your sexual preferences are due to being hurt by a boy, reply that it is just that you fancy girls a lot who are 'smart' and have sat a proper IQ test...so she is quite safe :-D

To be fair, this woman is a good life experience for you. The world of work is full of difficult people sadly...it drove me into self employment. To build a career, you have to get used to these awful people. It is a common problem, and the reason why 'the office' was such a popular TV show as people related to the characters.

Lots of homeless charities are crying out for reliable volunteers so if she is so odious then why not look for placement elsewhere?

She's probably doing voluntary work because she's damaged by things in her own previous life... but that is absolutely no excuse for the offensive twaddle she's spouting at you. Do please tell line management.

YANBU to quit your time if you dislike who you work with.

I can see why you don't like her but hate is a strong reaction. It may well be that she has a high IQ and didn't have to put in a lot of effort to her degree. No point getting upset about it. Why didn't you just say things like 'yes, you've told me about 10 times today about your high IQ and we've still got an hour to go'. You could have just said that every time until she got the message.

On the subject of why you are gay, why does she even know you are? You say you hate her yet have told her of your sexual orientation. I can honestly say I go about my daily business without having to disclose my sexual orientation to anyone.

Report her for her homophobia. If nothing else they might switch who you work with.

Sadly. You do get arrogantly rude people working for charities. I've come across a few too!

@Baboomtsk

"This is homophobic bullying."
Can you explain how the behaviour is bullying? It seems to me that she is being very forthright and rude in expressing her personal view about why some people are homosexuals but how is that view bullying? Everyone is entitled to their opinions although it does sound like she should engage her brain before putting her mouth into gear.

I wonder why nobody else is ever available to work with her?

The homophobia is definitely something to report. Unless you're working for a couple of particular church organisations (and even then, they usually tell their staff to shut up about such things when they're working because the resultant court case is always bad publicity), it's unacceptable to employers as well as any normal human being. She's employed by them, they have legal obligations and responsibilities with respect to her behaviour.