'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

[PhilCornwall1]

I'd go back in, the minute she starts, she'd get it hot and heavy from me and my closing line to them would be that "you are going to be busy tonight, let's see if your high IQ can help you out". I'd then walk and not go back.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Rude cow. Report her.

“Yes, you said”
“Yes, you mention that a lot”
“If you don’t have anything intelligent to say, silence works wonders”

Bottom line people, who are happy in their skin don’t feel the need to constantly boast. There is far more to success and happiness than iq.

[danmthatonestakentryanotheer]

Next time she mentions her IQ say something like
"there is a school of thought* that suggests people who mention how intelligent they are all the time actually aren't, or that they had such a neglectful upbringing that they feel the need to validate themselves in order to feel good. Why do you do it?"

• not true as far as I know but it sounds good

[danmthatonestakentryanotheer]

Oh and absolutely mention that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would know that people don't "become" gay, they just "are.

[echt]

When she next has a pop at your sexuality try: "You do realise you said that out loud, don't you?"

Withe optional head tilt.

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

Some people are pretty socially unaware and she sounds like one of them. Don't make yourself a victim here and do as others have suggested and look at this as bullying or harassment. She just sounds like she doesn't know how to interact with people and doesn't pick up on cues and body language (from you in this case) tgat most of us have no problem tuning into. Either feel sorry for her or leave is my advice. We don't always get on with people we have to work with and some of them are out and out wankers. C'est la vie.

[echt]

Don't make yourself a victim here and do as others have suggested and look at this as bullying or harassment

The OP is not victimising herself, so lay off. The co-worker is doing it.

[hoorayforharoldlloyd]

Definitely report. The volunteer coordinator needs to know the situation.

And yes, it is homophobia for those who are confused.

Plus you don't know if someone is a wretch when you first meet them. Mentioning a date with a partner or that you are volunteering while studying is hardly over sharing.

[LucheroTena]

Put some headphones on and tell her you have tinnitus.

[CupoTeap]

When she tells you her IQ again reply how it's interesting she can have such a high IQ and yet zero emotional intelligence.

[KioreWahine]

I've quit a couple of volunteer organisations because of racism which seems to be more common in older folk where I live. I bet she is the reason no one else does that shift!

Report her. It's illegal to be homophobic. In my country, volunteers are governed by the same laws as employees and should be expected to work to the same standards. They don't and it has quite wide ranging impacts - such as putting up barriers to some groups of people preventing them for taking part in an opportunity.

I can understand why you might just quit - as I did. But I wish I had instead of just leaving.

[shearwater]

I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past

If she says that again, say, "Er, I thought you were smart?"

Start taking the piss out of her. "Ha! Did you seriously just say that?"

"Did you mean to be so boastful?"

In a sarcastic tone "Oh well done YOU!"

Probably she is so socially inept and insecure that no-one really wants to listen to her so she has to yak on at work where she thinks you have to. Basically you are a volunteer and you don't have to take her shit. If you answer back, she will probably stop or modify her language, and you will almost certainly feel a lot better.

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

My first response would be - “I may be being thick here, but if you have such a high IQ why do you work packing boxes and are not employed in a high flying position”

She sounds bonkers.

[recrudesence]

MN favours ‘calling people out’ on their shortcomings whenever possible and this thread is already full of absurd revenge fantasies. OP, just walk away. Nothing will be gained by challenging her or writing outraged emails. This woman is a prannet and always will be and the best you can hope for is some utterly pointless aggravation that will probably upset you far more than her. And I suspect the organisation will know exactly why you’re off.

[Stuckinanutshell]

The homophobic comment is the point on which you can lodge an issue. Report it. Move time slots / positions (if that’s what you want - don’t be forced out) and before you go tell her exactly how you feel. If she isn’t told she’ll never improve. Homophobia needs to always be dealt with swiftly and firmly - absolutely no place for it. Her saying homosexuality is a result of damage is absolutely homophobic and strong action needs to be taken (additionally as well if she’s in a public facing role).

[katkit]

Tell her that she’s about to get hurt by a girl, lobbing a can of baked beans at her head.

[clucky3]

I would be volunteering elsewhere and making the reason why very clear to management

[shearwater]

Nothing will be gained by challenging her or writing outraged emails.

My experience is that people do change - in at least how they treat you - if you challenge them verbally and shut them down. And being assertive has always made me feel a lot better than listening to someone passively and feeling angry later. The OP doesn't have to try to effect a permanent change in the woman's personality, it's about standing up for herself, changing how she reacts to the comments and making herself feel better.

[bananacakerox]

How long has she worked there? She sounds very narrow & insecure, I wonder what her line manager knows about her attitude.

[Greyhound22]

I would make a complaint as they're never going to fill that slot and she shouldn't be getting away with it. The views on why people are gay are awful and she should be pulled up on it.

However - volunteering should be enjoyable so if you want to find something else to do I wouldn't blame you.

[MrsNoMopp]

Report her for her behaviour.

Don't ask her why she isn't doing 'high flying' work if she has a high IQ. There are plenty of people with high IQs who do ordinary work.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

“With your extraordinary IQ, you must be quite disappointed you haven’t gone further in your career?” Head tilt

That's soooooo unfair Atrocious - Genius isn't always commercially successful speaking from bitter experience as my lack of wealth and power in the world is obviously due to people being jealous of my Great Brain

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Oh and absolutely mention that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would know that people don't "become" gay, they just "are.

And that there is nothing "lesser" or "damaged" about being gay, any more than being blonde is a "lesser" or "damaged" brunette.

[VisibleShantiLine]

How peculiar. I've met a number of people like this, OP. But the lack of self-awareness is.... extraordinary.

I'd leave. Honestly. It's great you want to help, but it doesn't mean you need to tolerate such bizarre and offensive behaviour. Don't let this person put you off your desire to contribute. That would be the greatest shame.

And don't try to work her out. She's clearly batshit.

[SarahNade]

@recrudesence So your answer is to just accept it, to be passive and not assertive. To not call out a person on their bad behaviour, and they get away with it.

It is your attitude that is part of the problem.