'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

"My colleague just came back from holiday. We were chatting about it over a coffee and she mentioned that it was an anniversary trip with her husband. Was she over-sharing by revealing her sexual orientation or was it ok for her to refer to her spouse because he was a man?"

Just because her spouse is a man doesn't mean your colleague revealed her sexual orientation. She could be straight, she could be bi or even gay and hiding her homosexuality. You are just assuming.

OP could also be bi, we have no idea. But she is being told that she inappropriately disclosed her orientation.

I'm asking why it is not appropriate to admit to having a same-sex partner in the workplace.

She's a homophobic bigot and her employer needs to be aware of her unacceptable conduct in the workplace.

Report her.

The next time she says something, tell her she is offensive in the extreme and you have reported her for homophobic remarks.

Tell her that if it doesn't stop NOW, your next report will be to the police.

She if she is smart enough to work out what that could mean for her.

I would report it as a volunteer coordinator I know volunteers that were reported for remarks like this. The door swings both ways you are entitled to make a complaint.

I think it’s time you look her in the eye and (calmly) lose your shit - along the lines of “Look, I don’t actually have to be here. I’m a volunteer. You are offensive and boring, Sheldon (Cooper)! I am already going to complain to HR about your incessant, narcissistic droning about your IQ and your homophobic comments, but if you don’t stop talking immediately I will walk out and leave you to deal with this work alone.”
BTW - if she is so terribly intelligent and good at reading people, why is she employed as a grocery filler, not a neuroscientist?

I wouldnt report she is not being homophobic , she is just giving her opinion on why she thinks you are gay, she is totally wrong, just tell her so in no uncertain terms and tell her to stop analysing you

Suggesting that homosexuality is the result of emotional or psychological damage, and therefore a kind of disorder, is massively homophobic, yes.

Ask her what her EQ is.

Just out of curiosity (she HAS to have told you) how high is this amazing IQ of hers?

I find that the phrase "Be quiet" repeated SEVERAL MILLION TIMES has some effect on this type of person.

Or you could just report. Or leave. Or both. Whatever you do, I hope you don't give up volunteering.

Urgh what is with the twatty comments on here questioning accusingly why she shared her sexuality? It shouldn't make a gnat's fart's worth of difference if she went to work(volunteer) in a "I'm a raging Lesbian!!" T-shirt and rainbow flag jeans, it's totally inappropriate for the paid member of staff to have made the comments they did!

I think I'd start being blunt rude back."yes, I know your IQ you've already told me that multiple times"

"Can we have a day without you mentioning your IQ today please Brenda?"

"Did you mean to sound le you'e tryingyto talk down to me?"

"Are you always that judgemental about people's IQs?"

"For somebody with such a high IQ you're not very socially competent are you?"

People who need to mention their IQ are obviously acutely insecure and usually embellishing their results.

Tell her you read that in a recent study and thought she might find it interesting.

If she is that superior why isn't she a captain of industry or a charity CEO? Can you sympathise with her? In a massively PA way.

Ask her if she has always been such a stable genius.

Haha yeah I love that idea Alun

“With your extraordinary IQ, you must be quite disappointed you haven’t gone further in your career?” Head tilt

But yes, do complain about her thick-as-shit ‘analysis’ of you, ie homophobia.

alun

I think this is quite a common encounter sadly for students who do social or work things outside of their course .

Older people who are stuck in a rut/low status role and have a chip on their shoulder playing “wind up the younger female/Male” .

Lots of baity resentful comments and ill-will.

I used to try to meet new people out of my course and do the whole liberal woke “keeping an open mind and volunteering and meeting and getting on with all walks of life ”

TBH looking back it’s probably would have been better and less stressful emotionally not doing this.

I think roles which aren’t that “selective” other than needing someone to do the labour at a set time can be especially bad.

Lots of weirdos out there and I can understand working for cash but engaging with some ill mannered freak? Why?

I think spending time shadowing /volunteering for a professional company organisation in a more formal role which looked good on your cv might be a better use of time. Like a charity office role type thing?

This is an overview of particular types of intelligence.

You don't have to be polite to someone who is so rude. Great suggestions about what to say when IQ is mentioned by strictly.

I'd wear headphones. And be rude back.

.

She is harassing you and dismissed you when you asked her to stop. File a formal complaint.

You are a volunteer so you can do the shift or not. Personally I would not want to continue working with such a person, but if you might want to use this for reference purposes then it might be worth talking to someone more senior.

@RosinaAlmaviva

"OP could also be bi, we have no idea. But she is being told that she inappropriately disclosed her orientation."
OP stated in their opening post that they are gay. I presume if they are bi then they would have stated that.

"I'm asking why it is not appropriate to admit to having a same-sex partner in the workplace."
I can't see why anyone needs to disclose their sexual orientation at work to a colleague they hate. Naturally if you develop friendships and mention stuff from outside work this is likely to crop up.
In any event the OP has updated that they didn't disclose it but that the full time worker saw something on their phone from their partner. Looks like full timer is nosey as well as damn rude.

It comes under Bullying, Discrimination and Harrassment. Volunteers have the same rights as paid employees at work. Report it and document it when you do e.g. by email.

The tories are currently here for the upcoming election, StrictlyNameChangin, with accompanying 'retro' views on gay people. Its just overspill from their usual 'Corbyn is a nazi communist' threads.

Before I read this I was going to ask if she endlessly goes on about IQ. This seems to be a thing a lot of obnoxious people do now. They do a dodgy online test which gives you a false high score so you buy a certificate. Also, as we talked about on here the other week, Danielle Lloyd has an IQ of 150 or so- so make of that what you will. Does she spend a lot of time watching pseudo intellectual youtube by any chance?

View her as part of your charity work, she is to be pitied. Or leaev, that would be my choice. But then, I leave any situation that feels off nowadays after years of putting up with less than.

Just tell her to shut the fuck up that should do the trick

Shes being rude. Next time she does this just tell her to stop talking to you as shes being offensive.