'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

[kippenvel]

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

1. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

[Apackoflips]

In my experience people who tell you they are clever/ honest /truthful rarely are.
Call her out about what shes saying to you. She probably feels that she has to ensure her superiority over you is obvious so keeps harping on about it. Its all a bit sad really .
I would either report her via email to her direct manager or have it out with her properly.
If you are gathering yourself before attempting either of these then headphones are an excellent method of avoiding unwanted interaction with her. Good loud music that ensures you dont inadvertently hear something you react to.

[gnushoes]

That 'you've been damaged' schtick I remember from about 20 or 30 years ago. Thoroughly discredited since. If she's that brainy how the hell has she not noticed?

[daisychain01]

It sounds like you've over-shared information with a complete stranger - your private life is none of her business and not relevant to the volunteering work you are doing. Yes, she sounds a pita, but you haven't helped yourself.

[Catsandchardonnay]

You need to report her homophobia OP. She will be in breach of the employer’s equality and diversity policy, and it’s unacceptable in any workplace.

@MotherOfSoupDragons your comments about Christianity are offensive, you are stereotyping. Do you not realise the irony here? Or do you think it’s more acceptable to have a go at Christians? I’m a Christian and I’m not homophobic. I believe that Jesus taught us to love each other, to not judge and to be inclusive, and I certainly don’t believe he ever said that it’s wrong to be gay. I don’t care who anyone else loves, it’s their business and not even an issue.

[TheMidasTouch]

Does she ever have to interact with the public?

Thankfully not. We usually pack grocery necessities into food packages so it's just me and her 99% of the time

"^^ there will be a reason for this, the not dealing with the public part, being back room, the organisation know she is a liability if let loose with normal folk"
So can you apply the same logic to why they have put the OP in the back room, not dealing with the public? Do the organisation think she will be a liability if let loose with normal folk too? Don't be daft.

[MotherOfSoupDragons]

Not having a go at, or stereotyping Christian's, Cats.

[WyfOfBathe]

I can honestly say I go about my daily business without having to disclose my sexual orientation to anyone.

Really? All of my colleagues know my sexual orientation (or at least part of it) because my husband sometimes crops up in conversation at work. My colleague sometimes talks about her girlfriend as well.

You might not announce your sexuality, but if you have a partner or date, then people you know are probably aware of which sex you like.

[TatianaLarina]

Just tell her homophobia is low iq.

[RosinaAlmaviva]

I can honestly say I go about my daily business without having to disclose my sexual orientation to anyone.

Lots of people talk about their partners/families at work. But seemingly this only counts as "disclosure" if you are gay, because everyone is assumed to be straight until they say otherwise.

It sounds like you've over-shared information with a complete stranger

As OP works with this woman on a regular basis she's hardly a complete stranger.

My colleague just came back from holiday. We were chatting about it over a coffee and she mentioned that it was an anniversary trip with her husband. Was she over-sharing by revealing her sexual orientation or was it ok for her to refer to her spouse because he was a man?

OP this person is homophobic, report and move on, you don't have to put up with her.

[CrumpetyTea]

Have you actually said anything to her? ie telling her that you find it offensive/ that she is wrong - some people go through their life never being called up on things- and a lot of older people don't get pulled up on bigoted remarks as people think its not worth it.

[kippenvel]

Does she work as well ?

She's a full time member of staff, not a volunteer.

Why didn't you just say things like 'yes, you've told me about 10 times today about your high IQ and we've still got an hour to go'. You could have just said that every time until she got the message.

The problem is that she talks constantly and every single topic inevitably goes down that route. Just today for instance, I sat down, haven't even said a word, and was told that her '100 IQ cousin' got herself into some sort of mess again. It's all encompassing and if you say anything she disagrees with it's because you 'don't know better'.

On the subject of why you are gay, why does she even know you are? You say you hate her yet have told her of your sexual orientation. I can honestly say I go about my daily business without having to disclose my sexual orientation to anyone.

I didn't volunteer that information. She saw a message notification from DP on my phone...

[TheMidasTouch]

"My colleague just came back from holiday. We were chatting about it over a coffee and she mentioned that it was an anniversary trip with her husband. Was she over-sharing by revealing her sexual orientation or was it ok for her to refer to her spouse because he was a man?"
Just because her spouse is a man doesn't mean your colleague revealed her sexual orientation. She could be straight, she could be bi or even gay and hiding her homosexuality. You are just assuming.

[kippenvel]

Have you actually said anything to her?

I've told her before that the things she said were inappropriate but just got told that I didn't understand where she was coming from. Eventually gave up and moved on to saying as little as possible because frankly I'm never in the mood for any sort of conversation with her.

Strangely, she's her early 30s so hardly old!

[TheMidasTouch]

@MitziK

"I wonder why nobody else is ever available to work with her?"
The OP stated in her first post it is because the time slot they picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours.

[Pollaidh]

I'd report her for homophobic bullying. The charity has a duty of care to volunteers as well as staff.

[YellowBup]

Tbh I’m not sure why you’re putting yourself through this.

When I worked customer service when studying it was largely ok but there were a few freaks like this

the job was a bit dull and low status and didn’t have very selective admission criteria and that was actually ok to admit?

But there were a few fantasists who all were just doing the job because they fancied a break from being headhunted from Goldman Sachs and the UN

The manager had a degree in media studies and gone abroad to teach but didn’t make it

So he put on his LinkedIn profile he’d been to the “shop management training programme which happened to be in Cambridge” and wrote it up so that people would think he’d actually been to Cambridge university .

I’d leave and detach- you sound lovely and there’ll be another awesome opportunity out there . Life’s too short to engage with oddballs

[Alb1]

I’m surprised so many people are making the point that you shouldn’t have ‘revealed’ your sexual orientation, it’s irrelevant isn’t it, her comments were wrong and unacceptable. Especially with her being a paid member of staff I think you absolutely should report her comments, she needs re-education if nothing else.

[YellowBup]

Ps Also if you’re not even being paid there is even less reason to put yourself through engaging with her - you can’t “win” with someone like this

[Apolloanddaphne]

She sounds awful. I agree that her comments need to be reported. You seem well adjusted and even you are struggling with her, imagine if they paired her with a really vulnerable and sensitive person?

[lborgia]

Oh dear. I can think of so many reasons she is like this, but it’s not for you to put up with. I’m sure they are grateful to have a paid member of staff who can put up with the graveyard shift, but it may be why she is still employed. Definitely tell them the problem, it may be that they’ve gone through a fair few volunteers for that spot, or they may know, and just assume that it’s OK to throw someone in for a few months til they run. This is not bullying, it is not this woman’s intention to cause you harm, distress etc, she just doesn’t see that she is being obnoxious. Glad you are going to do something about it. I don’t think she will change.

[isadoradancing123]

I wouldnt report she is not being homophobic , she is just giving her opinion on why she thinks you are gay, she is totally wrong, just tell her so in no uncertain terms and tell her to stop analysing you

[Sennedd]

The next time she asserts her ‘superiority’, why not give a ‘sympathetic’ sigh and ask her why she has such an awful inferiority complex that she feels the need to tell everyone how clever she is? In my experience really clever people don’t feel the need to boast. If anything they play it down. Although a lot of my friends are clever, I don’t think any of them know their IQ! Good luck. If that fails, smile sweetly, don’t engage and curse under your breath!

[lljkk]

I would find her high entertainment & truly hilarious, OP.
Sorry she winds you up.
Don't take her seriously is all I can suggest.

[Ilovelblue]

What a vile woman and like others have said, I bet previous volunteers have moved onto a different shift because of her nasty attitude. I'd find another voluntary post to suit your skills. There are lots and lots of volunteering roles out there.

I have had a couple of voluntary jobs in the past where I was working with obnoxious women and decided my spare time was valuable and better spent elsewhere. They were making me unhappy and I just walked away. One of them even criticised me for having a full time job and yet having the time to volunteer! I spoke to the co-ordinator who looked after the volunteers and told her exactly why I was leaving.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

"Gosh for someone with such a high IQ you're as thick as Pig Shit aren't you" ?