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AIBU to want to not meet him due to my weight?

198 replies

misunderstoodjustice · 14/11/2019 08:05

Hey lovelies,

So I'm a lurker, first time posting as I feel like I'm in a bit of a mental pickle.

Basically, I met this wonderful guy, there's a long distance issue but we text daily and FaceTime when life doesn't get in the way. I was meant to be in Manchester for work but the conference was cancelled and we decided I should still come through and he'd drive up and we would meet for the first time. It's almost halfway for both of us.

Now, I'm panicking. It's next Friday, the 22nd. I have recently lost 50lbs and still see myself as the size 22 unlovable woman. I mean I'm a size 16, still have a mum tum and although I do generally feel better about my self image- this has my head spinning as I really like him.

We enjoy the same things and get on well. I've sent photos of myself, but they are all those kinda I'm posed and good angles and brilliant light type... I'm worried what he will think of me when he sees me properly.

There's an age gap and I understand that I'm just being incredibly insecure - just need opinions- should I go? Should I cancel? How can I fake the confidence of one of those effortless women?! 😂

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 14/11/2019 08:23

Definitely go! And don't see yourself as unlovable because of your weight. I'm a size 22, my husband adores me, there's no reason this guy won't adore you and if he doesn't then thank you next as Ariana says.


Justkeeprollingalong · 14/11/2019 08:27

Go. You've far more to regret not going than going. Wear a fab outfit and smile!


afternoonspray · 14/11/2019 08:27

Go. Put on shaper knickers and some new clothes you feel fantastic in. Do you hair, make up and nails in any way that makes you feel really good. Wear a beautiful coat and boots - essential for this time of year. And just look forward to seeing him and having fun. You can tell within seconds if a man fancies you or not (and if you fancy him too - he's probably also nervous.) If you don't click that way, you know you click in other ways so meet as friends. It's an adventure. I admire you for giving it a go.


misunderstoodjustice · 14/11/2019 08:32

Hey thanks guys for the messages. I know I'm being rather childish 😆 he's not the nervous type- one of those successful, ex military types which I think makes me more nervous haha. We click long distance but it's been a while since I even went on a date - almost 3 years now so yeah... and that went tots up because of my appearance.

I have this green wrap dress that I'd love to wear that I think I look okay in, I haven't brought any new clothes as yet as I'm not quite done with the weight loss.

Any tips on the confidence thing? You know the "fake it to you make it"...

OP posts:

WestSideSnorey · 14/11/2019 08:32

He's attracted to you or wouldn't have kept in contact and arranged to meet.
Size 16 is the average size in the UK and even if you were still a size 22, he likes you and so I feel that letting your insecurities get in the way of your happiness is indeed unreasonable.

Meet him.


AmIThough · 14/11/2019 08:36

And feel bloody fantastic about the fact you've dropped 3 dress sizes you amazing woman!


PrincessPain · 14/11/2019 08:40

Congrats in the weight loss.
What height are you Blush unless that's too rude?
I'm a current size 22 and just started my healthier lifestyle AGAIN.
I would bloody love to be a 16 by my birthday and was just wondering what height you are so I can use the 50lbs lost as a bit if an indicator towards myself.
Nosey cow, sorry.


Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 14/11/2019 08:40

Definitely go! And we'll done for losing so much weight! Flaunt it Grin best of luck OP


misunderstoodjustice · 14/11/2019 08:43

@PrincessPain I'm 165cm so 5'5, I hold most of my weight across my belly if that helps. Started at 235lbs...

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 14/11/2019 08:44

Definitely go! And treat yourself to one new dress that fits you really well at your current size, even if you're still waiting to lose a bit more for the whole wardrobe overhaul.


ControversialFerret · 14/11/2019 08:56

Put the dress on. If they make you feel more confident then get some good shaper knickers that smooth everything out. Go and meet him.


cheesewitheverything · 14/11/2019 09:00

Have in mind that he will be very lucky if he impresses you enough for you to go to this amount of trouble again, so he had better be trying quite hard. I'd wear the green dress you are happy with, so it's less of a 'thing' and you know you look good in it. Best of luck!


Owlypants · 14/11/2019 09:04

You've dropped a few dress sizes which is amazing it's not an easy thing to do! I'm a size 16 and around the same height as you, i find that wrap dresses more flattering and comfortable. Go enjoy yourself.


HerrenaHarridan · 14/11/2019 09:07

Honestly you need to see yourself as the prize not the candidate.

I am a size 22.
I wear short skirts, tights and para boots. Bright colours, waistcoats.
I look hot as fuck and I know it.

Stop hiding under your clothes and imagining they are like a gossamer shield.

You are the size you are, no one is fooled by baggy t shirts.

Get your self some nice pants (m and s) a bra that fits (search bra intervention) and a hair cut and go rock it!


cheesewitheverything · 14/11/2019 09:22

@HerrenaHarridan I look as hot as fuck and I know it!

That's the way to do it - get that in your head, op, and you will have a great time!


misunderstoodjustice · 14/11/2019 09:51

@HerrenaHarridan 😂 that's the confidence I need. I used to not give a crap and loved wearing whatever I wanted but over time it just disappeared.[email protected]/

So this is my usual style so I'm not hiding per say- he's seen this photo but he's 13 years older than me, he's had more "dating" experience. I've pretty much had a few short relationships and one very long one so I'm not so good on the dating thing. Worried he's just going to spot me and decide to run a mile in the opposite direction ha

OP posts:

Kko1986 · 14/11/2019 09:56

Aww op firstly well done on the weight loss. The hardest part is actually the mindset you are doing so well.

Meet this guy and enjoy the experience you deserve it


HerrenaHarridan · 14/11/2019 10:28

You’re not hiding. You look hot in that skirt!

As a woman who is into women let me say this...

Hetro dating is fucked up!
The idea that women sit around looking pretty while men choose them is so fucked up.
We aren’t even supposed to make the first move!?!

Have you seen how hard the male bower bird works for his mate?

Men are ten a penny.
Good men are a rare breed.

Try lots on sale and return.

This guy might be great and treat you well but if he doesn’t then don’t cling on hoping he will one day.

You are complete, with or without a partner.

You are valid, with or without a partner

You are hot, with or without male approval!


lazymoz · 14/11/2019 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PennyNotSoWise · 14/11/2019 10:48


That's you in that picture you linked?? You look great woman, what's wrong with you?? Go and get him!


AlpacaGoodnight · 14/11/2019 11:03

I think your brain is messing up how you really look due to your lack of self confidence! You look amazing in that photo!


swampytiggaa · 14/11/2019 11:06

He’s older than you. He’s bloody lucky you are considering him! Wear what you feel good in and have fun 💕


dancemom · 14/11/2019 11:09

Definitely treat yourself to a new dress if you can, even a wrap style dress wont fit you right if you have lost 50lbs.

Good luck!


RLOU30 · 14/11/2019 11:11

You look great in that photo your arms are really slim too well done


misunderstoodjustice · 14/11/2019 11:13

@PennyNotSoWise thanks 😊 @AlpacaGoodnight I think you're right, I know I have self confidence issues and why I'm like that but I'm really worried that I'm just not good enough. Me and the guy have really bonded over the past few months and for some reason in my mind he has this image of a good looking, stick woman in his head. He compliments me a lot and I'm just not used to it. We've talked about it too and I did say I wasn't skinny but yeah, it's playing on my mind because a photo is so different from real life.

@HerrenaHarridan - I've saved your message!

I think I am just going to go, have a panic attack just before he arrives and see how it goes. End of the day- what's the worst that can happen? We have the same hobby that kind of overlaps and I know we will end up seeing each other at a few things but surely it can't be that bad can it?!

OP posts:
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