AIBU to want to not meet him due to my weight?

[misunderstoodjustice]

Hey lovelies,

So I'm a lurker, first time posting as I feel like I'm in a bit of a mental pickle.

Basically, I met this wonderful guy, there's a long distance issue but we text daily and FaceTime when life doesn't get in the way. I was meant to be in Manchester for work but the conference was cancelled and we decided I should still come through and he'd drive up and we would meet for the first time. It's almost halfway for both of us.

Now, I'm panicking. It's next Friday, the 22nd. I have recently lost 50lbs and still see myself as the size 22 unlovable woman. I mean I'm a size 16, still have a mum tum and although I do generally feel better about my self image- this has my head spinning as I really like him.

We enjoy the same things and get on well. I've sent photos of myself, but they are all those kinda I'm posed and good angles and brilliant light type... I'm worried what he will think of me when he sees me properly.

There's an age gap and I understand that I'm just being incredibly insecure - just need opinions- should I go? Should I cancel? How can I fake the confidence of one of those effortless women?! 😂

[groovergirl]

He gave you massive coffee, a backstage tour AND a mix CD! Sounds like my type of a dream date. So glad it went so well and that you had a weekend to remember

Hey, perhaps I should start a fashion label called Luscious Wench and include a version of the beautiful green dress, as it evidently had the desired effect

[rararaspberry]

Has he been in touch OP?

[misunderstoodjustice]

To be honest- he hasn't quite ghosted but things have been significantly quieter.

Trying not to read too much into it, we are both busy and stuff but yeah- maybe a little red flag just there. He did ask when we can do it again before we both left the city so maybe he is genuinely busy but I know he was busy before the date too and it didn't really effect our communication 😕

[PottersonDayz]

My now DH went quiet after our first date so I had written him off (and so disappointed because I really really liked him!). It turned out that despite chatting away online in real life he's painfully shy (at our wedding reception he was teased by his family because is speech was the most they'd heard him speak!). He said he knew right away things were different this time and he felt so shy about contacting me too much incase I didn't feel the same.

After our second date we became inseparable and here we are almost two years later married with a puppy and trying for a baby.

Good luck! xx

[misunderstoodjustice]

@PottersonDayz congrats!! That's great to hear.

Unfortunately this guy isn't one for being nervous or shy- we talked a lot about that, he's just not bothered by stuff like that so...

At least if it doesn't work out I have a damn dirty and good mix CD 😂 though I may need to stop listening to his podcast... ah well, I'm just going to see if he contacts me today. I'm not really getting my hopes up (I totally am).

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

@misunderstoodjustice have you tried contacting him or are you waiting for him to contact you?

[gobbynorthernbird]

OP, whatever happens from here (and dating really is a numbers game) at least you've done it now. You know that you're still interesting and fanciable, despite your worries about your weight at the start of the thread.

[misunderstoodjustice]

@GiveHerHellFromUs well I messaged him first, we text a little on Saturday- you know. "Hope you got home safe etc, lovely time..."

He was on nights again last night, he messaged me about a film and then we did general niceties but it was nothing like before. Could tell the tone was a little off too... or maybe I'm being hyper aware and panicking (totally a possibility).

He seemed to enjoy the date, it was mostly light hearted conversation and expanding on stuff we had talked about before. Some more serious stuff thrown in there, still was fine when we together. Maybe he was just being polite.

[rararaspberry]

Oh OP, I would take this as a learning experience and move on. It is good to know that there are nice guys that you can be attracted to out there but he clearly isnt feeling it and is too cowardly to say so. I dated online a lot before meeting DH and it's just the way of things. It is harder than you think to write a 'yeah you were nice and I had a good time but I really didnt feel any hope of a romantic relationship forming'. Most men just kind of try to wind down communication in the hope that you will get the hint and disappear. I didnt do that but on many occasions i would meet the guy and within 10 seconds i just knew i wouldn't be attracted to him - I obviously had to go through with the date and on some occasions I had such a laugh I was annoyed at myself for the lack of attraction as I would have loved to spend time with them again but they wouldn't want to be friends once I had sent the rejection message. Online dating can be fun but you have to learn the signs and learn to drop it when you get a hint of them starting to ghost.

[Bellaxx8]

Has he contacted much since ?

[misunderstoodjustice]

Yeah it's picked up somewhat. We are trying to check our week to see when we can talk on phone - a little difficult as we are pretty busy at the moment.

He sent me a message yesterday afternoon "I've thought you lovely since the first moment we spoke"

The next time we know we will definitely be meeting is when I'm working in his town in Jan. our time off in dec clashed, he is off the week before me. We had tried to plan some time then. He asked if it would be okay to come to my area soon though.

[FreeBedForFlys]

Good luck op! Sounds promising. You’re gorgeous and you sound so nice 😁

[YouthGoneMild]

Maybe he was worried you were not that in to him?

Glad it’s all got back on track.

[AnneKipanki]

Sweet !

[sendhalp]

I think that good grooming (fresh haircut / colour), flattering clothes for your shape and a nice smile are as good as a skinny body. I know a large lady who always has beautiful hair, natural makeup and flattering clothes and I genuinely think she's as attractive as a slim woman with a slim body- if not more so.

[sendhalp]

Ah just saw how your thread progressed! Well done on going

[camelandsushi]

I think I'm hormonal or something but you make me cry OP I would totally date you

[misunderstoodjustice]

Hey so update, contact seems way too off. I'm guessing the whole thing is a dud. Think he may actually just be a too nice a guy to tell me given up hope now which is a shame as I really liked him.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Perhaps it is all done and dusted but please put out of your mind that it was anything to do with you weight either way. Once somebody is interested in you, other things come into play and determining longer-term compatibility is the next stage.

Dating is an 'audition' for both of you to see how you like each other 'in the flesh'.

If you really are bothered about your size (and only if you are), then look at getting fitter and more toned rather than focusing on weight loss. Exercise on a regular basis is great for getting an endorphin rush and opens up the possibilities of meeting more new people.

I would suggest that you don't contact him, keep looking on whatever sites you're on and just focus on what you want in a partner so that you can assess the next one(s).

[misunderstoodjustice]

I won't be dating for a while and I'm still on the weight loss stage, toning etc isn't going to do much in my current position.

He actually text me just as a posted, just the general hope you're good.

Ah well, better start adopting the 200 cats I'll need to gain the official crazy cat lady title.

It doesn't matter, I get that- I'm just disappointed and feel rather shit about myself which proves I'm just not ready for dating.

I'm thinking about just shutting down my phone for a few days

[nononever]

You look amazing! Well done on the weight loss.

[Bellaxx8]

Focus on yourself and your weight lose.

X