AIBU to want to not meet him due to my weight?

[misunderstoodjustice]

Hey lovelies,

So I'm a lurker, first time posting as I feel like I'm in a bit of a mental pickle.

Basically, I met this wonderful guy, there's a long distance issue but we text daily and FaceTime when life doesn't get in the way. I was meant to be in Manchester for work but the conference was cancelled and we decided I should still come through and he'd drive up and we would meet for the first time. It's almost halfway for both of us.

Now, I'm panicking. It's next Friday, the 22nd. I have recently lost 50lbs and still see myself as the size 22 unlovable woman. I mean I'm a size 16, still have a mum tum and although I do generally feel better about my self image- this has my head spinning as I really like him.

We enjoy the same things and get on well. I've sent photos of myself, but they are all those kinda I'm posed and good angles and brilliant light type... I'm worried what he will think of me when he sees me properly.

There's an age gap and I understand that I'm just being incredibly insecure - just need opinions- should I go? Should I cancel? How can I fake the confidence of one of those effortless women?! 😂

You're most welcome hope it goes really well and he's a suitably lovely chap

Will you come back and tell us how you got on? (Channelling Cilla)

😂 yeah, of course. I may pop on for moral support when I feel the need to leg it at last minute. It's a day date so shouldn't be too much pressure.

Thanks for everything guys.

Best of luck OP! You look gorgeous and he likes you, you don’t need to worry! Have fun and I second we need an update of how it went!

Any update @misunderstoodjustice ?

@SeaSandandSun well, I've decided on a dress I think, the date isn't until Friday. We haven't had chance to talk on the phone due to our work commitments but we are still texting almost constantly. I keep going through waves of nerves and then feeling damn good about it...

I'll post the two outfits I have in mind if you guys don't mind- opinions would be greatly appreciated 😊

You look fantastic!!!! Not just saying that either. Just really lovely and curvy. FGS don’t wear something baggy - flaunt it!

Yes post photos! You look amazing in the other one, if he doesn’t see that he’s not worth it

Post away! We'll keep you right

That photo you posted is gorge.
Your figure is absolutely killer & I think a wrap dress will really suit you.

Get that chin up, a nice slick of lip gloss or a red lip if you feel daring and walk in like you bloody own the place .

Reading your posts, I think the only thing likely to put him off would be your lack of confidence in your own attractiveness. Just ditch that attitude because it's unnecessary. You have a great hourglass shape - really great. Remember the very basic rule: men love boobs. Wear a very good bra and a subtle V or scoop neck. If your hair, eyes, nails and boobs look good his eyes will have a hard job looking elsewhere.

So sorry for a) the mess and b) me being a mess- I'm just so tired today. I've been doing extra hours at work and I haven't quite caught up with myself.

Here is the green dress. Would pair with some black tights and mid heeled booties. I'll be wearing a beige trench coat

www.flickr.com/photos/185573874@N08/49084569487/in/dateposted-public/

He'll be unable to speak if you wear that frock

😘

OP I could have written your post. I met a guy online years ago, he wanted to meet. I was so insecure about my weight I made every excuse under the sun. I even pretended to go on holiday so I could stall him some more! I really was that insecure as he had only seen "good" pictures of me up to that point.

Eventually I ran out of excuses. I sat down and wrote him an email explaining that I was really insecure about my weight and how worried I was that he wouldn't like me when he met me. In fact I poured it all out expecting never to hear from him again. He sent a "don't be daft, I like you and I don't care what you weight" email back, I bit the bullet, we met and that was the start of a 10 year relationship!

What do you have to lose?

You look amazing. Go and have a great time.

OP you look fanbloodytastic in that green dress!! Is it recent? I want one!

Please go and meet this guy, I think it would be a mistake not to!

Ahh OP, I could have written this post many moons ago only at the time I WAS a size 22. Met the guy, love at first sight on both our parts, and despite him being much better looking and fitter than me I knew instantly that he fancied me as much as I fancied him. Fast forward 6 years and we're extremely happily married with an almost 2 year old! I never believed it before I met him but when you meet the right person, size and body shape doesn't matter a jot.

And besides all that, you look GREAT!

Oh my goodness!! Honestly you look absolutely amazing 😍 You’ve got a stunning figure.

I met up with my childhood sweetheart 3yrs ago, 5st heavier, older, wrinkled etc Hadn’t seen each other for 12yrs.
He text me as I left “I’m still in love with you” and we moved in together 3mths later, had DS the year after and got married the year after that. He’s absolutely crazy about me and definitely still finds me attractive.
You’ll knock his socks off! Xx

Hi OP - I’m a size 16-18 myself and I feel your confidence issues BUT just turn the tables........ would you rather date a man who was an ideal weight / build and was boring as hell, or someone who made you laugh, was kind, and clever?

My point is, looks / weight aren’t everything. Only a small part of the total package. I’d much rather meet a man who had a nice voice or similar sense of humour to mine., than a six pack! (And that’s the honest truth!)

Everyone had insecurities..... it’s natural. You would be strange if you didn’t. Try to focus on what you like about yourself rather than what you don’t

PS you look gorgeous in those photos!

Definitely go!

I'm a bigger woman, size 22 and it doesn't bother my OH one little bit, he tells me all the time how amazing I look, and I was big when I met him too, he approached me in a pub. Not all men want or fancy slimmer women.

Just a quick note to say you look smoking in that dress, OP.

I promise I'm not just saying that to be polite.

Smoking, I tell you

You've a great figure! I get the mindset as think when you lose weight will automatically lose those hang ups with it.
Reality is people are attracted to different things and personality is a big factor in relationships. Maybe he is also worried that you may not find him attractive.

Be careful not to overlook any red flags by only focusing on your perceived flaws, remember your a great person he's lucky to be going on a date with you.

You look lovely.