Aibu to think that my kids aren’t coming back?

[SeaOfDespair]

I had my girls removed last month and it’s been a very traumatic experience. My family are so far away, my friends have dwindled away and I’m stuck looking at these 4 walls.

I’m seeing a private child psychologist and doing some work with him. He understands how harsh the system can be. I’m doing 2 different parenting courses online. I’m paying for all of this myself and has been a bit of a struggle recently.

My solicitor just tells me to go along with whatever they want. I’ve ticked one thing off the list, but they’re not forthcoming with starting their own assessments. Social worker is either sick, or can’t be bothered.

My youngest has arrived to contact with bruising to her face 4 times. She is cruising, but never managed to be bruised within my care. My elder one seems sort of happy, but is having a lot of tantrums and isn’t able to communicate with me.

From them wanting to keep them at home on an order, their original intentions until the court hearing, to pretending I don’t exist. They didn’t even turn up to the meeting last week. No apology given. No notification of cancellation.

From a case of closing ranks to keeping the case open, it never did surprise me that they applied for a court order. My social worker’s reasoning? I don’t agree with their concerns, so there needs to be a care order.

Am I being unreasonable to think I don’t stand a chance in hell of getting them back, if they’re not willing to even bother working with me?

[PopsicleHustler]

I tried to read the entire thread. Got up to about page 30 and ended up skipping to the end , as the first page started 2019,was hoping on some great news.
So please do come back OP , would be lovely to hear how things are and hope all is well with you and the children.

[SeaOfDespair]

There wasn’t a happy ending. I’ve since had another child, who is in my care. The sw team that I’m dealing with now have been a lot more fair, so far. The concerns relate to the history, they think home conditions are fine, that I deal with my baby appropriately and that we have a good bond.

My eldest still presents as autistic. She hasn’t really improved.

The whole experience left me very scared of the authorities. Unfortunately, justice doesn’t come with legal aid. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from what happened. My main concern is the emotional turmoil that my children suffered.

I would have loved to give you a positive update regarding my elder children, but it turned out I wasn’t being unreasonable. Things went from bad to worse with the social worker.

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

@SeaOfDespair I'm so sorry OP. Heartbreaking.

[Princessbanana]

That is terrible Op. do you still see the girls? Can your new SW not do anything? This is fucking bullshit!!!! You can be trusted with your new baby but not with your other two kids??! Who makes these rules, who thinks this makes sense! Social services in this case are a joke! We are in 2021 and this shit is still happening!! When is enough going to be enough! There will be a lot of things social services will have to answer in the future, they will pull this shit with the wrong person and the whole thing will fall down, people will start coming forward with similar experiences and then they will be sorry ! But it still won’t make up for the parents who have lost a lifetime with their own children. 💕

[Princessbanana]

Sorry that was a bit of an outburst but I know someone this has happened to. Just like you, her two kids were removed for reasons that just didn’t make sense to anyone apart from social services. She done everything she could to get them back and she then went on to have have another baby some years later. She is a great mum and always has been, her new baby is safe and sound with her but she still can’t have her other two children back. She still sees them often but I just don’t understand and I probably never will.

[BlueButterfliesAndPurpleStars]

I’m aware I’m dragging up an old post, but it looks like it was quite recently revived (I found it while searching for something else).

@SeaOfDespair It took me 5 years to get my kids home, at at the 2 year mark I had all but given up. They’ve been home 2 years now. I assume your little ones haven’t been adopted? If you’d like a sounding board and some ideas on how to progress, please let me know.

[Ohhyeahright]

Oh gosh. What a lot of hurt for so
Many people.

[beinglikedisoverrated]

IS THIS A ZOMBIE THREAD?

[Muminabun]

Hi op if the social workers are making it all up because they are bored and not busy…… then you can have your say in court. Social workers are not the decision makers a judge is. The judge will assess the report from the social worker before making any order. It was a judge who decided to grant an interim care order. That is not in the power of the social worker and they can only go to court with the agreement of their supervisor and others. They have to convince quite a lot of people and evidence their recommendations. Only a judge can make the decisions to return the children to you and you can be represented and attend court. If a social worker is really poor then their actions are tempered by the fact that they don’t work in isolation or have ultimate decision making capacity.