Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

My friend had her kids in her 40s . She has no regrets.
If it feels right then do it.

How do you think your existing DCs would feel about this? DO you think they would benefit?

looking at this from your own adult perspective, not their excited, novelty of a new baby perspective.

I am 50 with a child in year 3...completely normal at our school!

I have two DC 14 and 11, I am now 43. Looking forward to a break from the primary school, school run etc, no way would i like to go back to the start and change nappies, have sleepless nights or chase a toddler around or start again just as i am regaining some freedom.

I guess if he really wanted one and was willing to do lots of the childcare and we were really well off that might change that opinion though. Possibly not though!

I had DD at 40 (I’m now 52) after quite a big gap and I won’t lie, it nearly bloody killed me. Mainly because for about 5 yrs she just did not sleep. Ever. And your resilience and ability to bounce back is that much lower than it was even 2 or 3 years before - you get bone tired very quickly, and that’s speaking as someone who’s active, fit and strong.

Despite that I have no regrets whatsoever (she’s 100% worth it ) and wouldn’t hesitate to say go for it, but only if it’s what YOU want - if you’re doing it for your partner and you have a tough time (not necessarily a given, obviously!) you may feel resentful.

As for doing the school gate thing in your 50s - meh, it’s fine. Non issue. 50 isn’t old. We were not even the oldest parents in our year group - there were several other families in a similar situation. All it really means is that if you’re lucky you get a nice group of much younger mates, so all good!

These threads are funny. They pop up often. Same situation. Usually they get told they are lucky to have the ones they have and all the health risks of pregnancy in 40s, etc. Interesting.

I think having your first baby at 40+ is very different to having your third baby ten years after your second. That’s what you need to consider. Also where does your new partner fit in? Is he prepared to take parental leave, reduce his hours, do the school run?

louloujh: I was too, but as I made clear above, the issues are still ahead of you. It is much, much harder to parent a teenager than a child in primary school. I hate typing this, but the toughest stage lies ahead for you.

The tiredness was the first thing I thought of when I read the thread title. But many women do have babies on their forties. I guess overall health is relevant here.

How long have you been with your new partner op? Just be wary of making any life altering decisions when you might still be in the first flush of the romance.

DH is 64 and taking dd to nursery daily (4th child, his oldest is 31). No one bats an eyelid (or mistakes him for grandad!) I pick up and am mid 40s (our next child up is 18l. Never given it a thought. If you feel you can do it then you can.

Older mum here - 1st at 39 and second at almost 42. I never gave it a moments thought as I wasn’t the only one at our nursery, NCT group and school gates .

Have a look at this one for some perspective www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3596716-To-try-for-3rd-child-age-41-and-with-huge-age-gap?pg=1

46 and my dd started school in Sept. I am same age as as a few of the mum's mums! The only one who worried about that was me so I stopped.
It's good to mix with younger people.

All mums with toddlers are tired. I was at 46, my niece is also tired at 29; it's just an exhausting phase. But the French have a saying that I only understood when DS was 14: petits enfants, petits soucis; grands enfants; grand soucis. (translated: little children, small worries; big adolescents; big fears).

I turned 50 with an almost-nine year old and a six year old. It is fine. I am tired often because I have a thyroid condition, rather than being in my fifties with children at school.
I live in an area with more younger mothers, but there are still some around my age. I have a teenager now and yes, that is challenging and exhausting, and perhaps it would be easier if I was ten or fifteen years younger, but there is no way of knowing. I imagine that the teen years can go either way irrespective of parental age. DH is eight years younger than me and he is finding parenting a teen pretty hard !

My mother had her youngest child at 41. In 1957. She coped fine. 50 isn’t old.

I was 36 when I had Ds. I have a group of mum friends the same age. A couple of them have younger children

I had my first at 24 and he is now 18 second partner and another at 36.and third at 40. No more tired and have more money than when I was younger. Would happily never go back to work FT although wouldnt fancy SAHM either. Not really thought about the school run at 50 or a teenager at 60 but whatever you get to enjoy all the little kid magic again xmas easter ect for me its definately worth it.

I had my last child at 41, so will be 50 while she's still at primary school. It's fine in terms of not being the oldest in the class. It's fine in terms of having energy etc.

A bigger issue for me is that teenage years are by far more difficult (I have teens too) and I'll be in my 50s when she's a teenager and dealing with all the shit that comes with that (although maybe she'll be straightforward?!).

Where I live, that is really unusual. Grandparents are 50 not mums here!

We are planning to TTC another child next year I will be 37/38 . Our oldest will be 16 and we have various ages ranging down to 4.

Although I have no intention of doing any school runs (we are long time home educators )

Starting a family at 40 - fine, if that’s how life has planned out for you (I had my first at 24 and I’m glad I started young) but having older ones and then starting again at 40 is another kettle of fish.

I remember moaning about being exhausted when they were toddlers and another older mum saying “just wait until they’re teenagers”! I didn’t believe her at the time but god she was so right! It’s a different kind of tiredness - more of a mental weariness! My older two are so moody, hormonal, stressed with school/exams. Not to mention things such as driving them round at weekends, picking up from parties in the small hours, worrying about them drinking/taking drugs/ having sex! I never imagined how stressful it would be when they’re 15-16 - as for having a baby and the physical exhaustion that goes with that - no fucking way!

Plus I hate the school run and how tying it is - It’s like bloody Groundhog Day!

I was 40 when DS was born. There were 2 mums in DS school year in their 20s the rest were 30s and 40s so I never felt out of place. The younger s mums tend to suffer more from tiredness because they are still trying to burn the candle at both ends. So glad I partied through my 20s without DC in tow.

I agree with the poster who said it's not about age, it's about mentality. I had DC3 17 weeks ago, 6 days before I turned 40. Elder two are aged 10 and 7. It's amazing. We are all so in love with DC3. It's the best thing we've done. My elder 2 are from my first marriage. My fiancé also had no children of his own. I thought my child rearing days were over, and we did enjoy our weekends away and every other weekend without the kids. But now we have this little ray of sunshine, born out of utter love and has bonded all of us together even more deeply. I honestly couldn't recommend it enough. I feel far more relaxed and confident having a baby at 40, than I did at 30.
Also, around here it's totally normal to have children in your 40's.
Thoroughly recommend it. Good luck!