Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

I am 52, my kids are 16, 14 and 12.
Youngest started secodnary this year.

It was and is fine doing school runs etc. BUT we did the whole baby thing, then the toddler thing, then the early school, park play and parties thing, then the sleepover thing etc etc. We moved through the stages as a family.

Now as a family we are dealing with GCSEs secondary school and moving on. My house no longer is covered in fingerprints and plastic toys, we now do late nights and lazy mornings for fun unstead of early mornings and then adult evenings etc etc.

For me it isn't the age, it is the life stage. Your kids are 10 and 12, so you are on to the next life stage, and you would have to go back and start again.
I have met many aprents who did (kids age 22 and 20 and then aged 8 and 10) but not for me. Been there done that and don't want to revisit!

I’ve just had my first, at 40.

I was only just above the average age in my NCT group. It’s a normal age to have a baby.

Plus I tend to think that if nature lets a woman conceive naturally, she can’t be too old! (Obviously this makes no allowance for the father’s age and isn’t relevant to those battling infertility).

I should also say that i had my first at 19 and tbh, it was way worse then! I was tired and miserable and had totally envy watching my friends going out having fun! Swings and roundabouts. I loved when i had my dd at 39. I really relished every moment and felt totally blessed to have her.

Hell no.

I had DC 3 when aged 44. He is 8 now. I’m
53. Honestly - it’s been an absolute joy. I am a bit fat and tired looking. But so what. We are healthy and energetic and..,well happy.

I had my 1st at 30.
2nd at 39. He's now 3 and it's all just lovely. DD is 12. She was always going to go through puberty, we are dealing with it.
The 3yo is a typical toddler and we deal with it.
My DH is 10 years older than me, we both work FT and honestly, I wouldn't change our lives for the world.
Yes, some days I'd like to throttle the pair of them but hey ho, isn't that just life?
If you want it, do it. And btw, I was tireder with my first child than I am now. And infinitely more chilled out.

Do you want another?
If you do then go for it, you'll manage because you'll love the child.
If you are having one for him, then that's a different matter entirely.

When I was 40 my kids were 18 and 16. No way could I have done the school run at 50.

The age wouldn’t put me off but how new is the new partner? That’s more of a concern

I don't think anyone would care tbh. I'd worry more about the impact pregnancy has on your body.. I'm late 30s and pregnant and omg I know it 😂😂

I notice quite a bit of different in the views from PP who have older children already and those starting out having DC in their 40s. Quite a difference. Makes sense really.

I’ve very recently found out I’m pregnant with no 4. I’m 39 now but will be 40 when the baby arrives. It was a complete shock (I was on the pill) and there will be an 8-year age gap between this baby and my eldest. Not huge but it’s been a while since I’ve had to do nappies! There’s quite a few older mums and dc school. I’ve made some really good friends. It’ll be fine, you just have to get on with it

A good friend of mine (and mum to DS's best friend) is 63. Our sons are at uni and about to turn 20. She's about to retire and has never looked fitter or happier!

I had a surprise baby at 40, when the other two were 10 and 12. I was absolutely dreading and yes, in all honesty I probably was/am a bit more tired doing it this time, but he is the absolute sunshine of our life, and brings a lot of laughter and light relief to the family home which would otherwise be dominated by hormones and teen drama. The older two have been a big help as well. And the older one will drive by the time the youngest is at school if I'm feeling too elderley for the school run ;)

I should add that I really enjoyed being a SAHM for a few years when kids were little, but now I am getting back into my job and loving it, and so I wouldn't want to compromise that for another baby. I am pretty certain I could not have gone back to full time when my kids were little and I was 45 +! That's where the lack of energy really kicks in.

I was 48 when my youngest was in year 6. No problem whatsoever.
Go for it!

Had one and only DC at 40 (DH 46). Ds is 4 now, last year of preschool, reception Sept 20. It works fine for us (if I am feeling rather jaded as a SAHM after 4 years).

Its fine! Our youngest one is now in primary school.She was born when I was 43.

So when this DD was in Year 2 I had my 50th birthday. I'm good friends with a Dad in the same class who is the STAH parent and he is six years older than me. We both volunteer lots and help in the school and still have plenty of energy.

We periodically joke about how we are the most senior parents in the class...except we have to curtail that conversation when another Dad is in earshot. He has 4 children in the school and he was 70 when his youngest started in reception! All the other children assume he is the Grandparent collecting...except he isn't. (He is rather tired and grumpy though.)

Had no.1 a month before my 30th birthday and no.4 3 weeks before my 40th. I had helpers in the older ones (shower, hot coffee... ) and am now 55 with 26, 24, 23 and nearly 16yo dc. Many of my friends with 16yos are a similar age to me and I don't feel like an older parent.

I won't retire for ages (uni fees etc) but I don't feel old enough to. All is good. Go for it!

Do you personally want another baby, or do you just want one because your partner doesn’t have any?

I was 43, 20 years ago when DS was born. I was 10 years older than the other mums at kindergarten. It evened out over the years. The child years were fairly straightforward. Adolescence was a wake up call; young adult is the most difficult yet because our age (now 63) makes us concerned about DS's future while our instinct is to slacken off work. We have been modestly successful so can help smooth his path, but it isn't helping his work ethic.

This^^

littlehappyhippo

I with you I had my son when I was 20 and he’s 25 now
I couldn’t think of anything worse having a baby In my 40s and doing the school run in my 50s fuck that for a game of soldiers

I like my weekends away, expensive long haul holidays, 2 seater car and lots of sleep and lots of sex 😂
No way am I going back to camping holidays and no sleep
I took my nephew who’s 3 out today for a few hrs
I needed to come home and sleep afterwards 😂

I mean think about what you want, you only mention what he wants.

I'm 49 with a 13 year old and I wish he was older or I was younger!