Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

Also, I had three older siblings and was born on my brother's 12th birthday!!

someone in school asked my 68 yo mum (admittedly ridiculously young looking!) if she was DSs mum, so its clearly not unusual to be older and picking up kids.

I’m 49 with an 8 year old... it’s fine, but I don’t really know any different, my eldest is only 11; had my dc at 37 and 40.

I hace a friends in the same position as you OP; had a baby worth her new partner when her “big” girls were 11 and 13. They adore there baby sister, can really contribute to looking after her. My friend (44) and her new partner (first time dad) are besotted!

Oh god no! I had my DD when I was 27 so now I’m 43 with a 16 year old. No way would I want a baby at my age! I cilantro do all those sleepless nights now - I would collapse.

It would be a no from me/

I'm 50 this year and have 4DC (29, 21, 11 and 8). Me and hubby would absolutely have another one now, if I wasn't 3 years into a new career that I love and really fulfills me. The younger boys keep us young and are an absolute joy. If you're in good health, go for it.

I’ll be 49 when DD2 starts kinder. It’s best not to think about it really. Yep I’m knackered, but I’d rather be knackered and old than not have her at all

I won’t be schlepping to the school gates with my ten year old. They’ll walk themselves.
My dh will turn 50 around about the time dc will start to be able to walk themselves to school.

Where I live you wouldn't stand out at all

This is pretty much us. Had DS1 (almost 14) when I was 29 and Mrs S 27; DTSs (2½) came along when we were 41 and 39. Suspect we won't be alone round here in being 50-odd when they finish primary.

My sil had a baby at 46 when her older ones were 10 and 12. Same dad. It was a surprise pregnancy but they were thrilled and manage fine - he's just gone up to secondary.

You won’t stand out at all. On MN 40 is considered beyond ancient to have a child and you’ll be far to old and knackered to be a good mum. Meanwhile IRL having a baby up to about 42/43 is really normal and common and not considered at all odd.

I wouldn’t do it, because I don’t think I’d be able to go back to the baby stage. It was hard enough having my third when my second was 3.5 (first 2 very close in age) as it felt like a step backwards when the first two were sleeping through the night/toilet trained/able to dress themselves etc.

I’m 46 with 2 in infants. Not only do I look younger I’m ten times fitter than half the younger mums, might b shallow but works for me

Yep, 50-yo school run schlepper here who had my 2nd at 40. I don't mind the school run in itself, it's good exercise but I do find the lack of freedom hard. It depends on how much support you have from family and so on to allow you to go out or have a break - and your older DC could be great for that, if they turn out to be responsible teenagers. I have a sibling 10 years younger than me and I did a lot of childcare and school runs as a teen.

There are loads of older mums at our school too, so it doesn't feel strange.

Had my last at 41. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. School run not an issue. She keeps me young.

I had DS1 at 39, DS2 at 42.
Its fine, at prep school I was one the oldest mums in the year group at prep school but there were plenty of older dads. ( Loads of second and third marriages). I seem to recall someone asking me what my secret was when I was talking about going roller skating with the boys and laughing about breaking a hip at 52.
At Senior school there seemed to be loads of older mums, and when DS2 was at Uni I became good friends with the mum of one of his house mates- we bonded over retiring with kids at Uni!

I would in your position. There is ten years betwen my 1st and 4th and its amazing seeing her enjoy him and his every milestone. Xmas, birthdays, easter are newly exciting. My middle two absolutly adore him. I was nearly 37 when I had him and my girls loved having a baby in the house. Teaching him to walk, crawl etc.. adds a new dimension to the family. He is starying school next year and I will be 41. No regrets here!

Do you actually want a baby, op? Or are you thinking about it to keep your p happy?

Go for it. I’m 52 with DD in Y6. I agree it’s about your outlook not your age. No one cares how old you are at the school gate... most are shocked when they find out how old I am. My DD keeps me young. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll be 60 when she turns 18 but I couldn’t care less!

As long as you can provide a loving home, go for it!

52 here and have an 11 year old, 8 year old and 13 year old. Not a problem at all :)

It all depends where you live. In my NCT Group nearly 20 years ago, average age of a FIRST time Mum was 34 (youngest 30, oldest 39) and of course most of us went on to have 2nd/3rd/4th children. No raised eyebrows at a 40 year old Mum in this neck of the woods.

I had our one and only at 44 years old. Three out of the ten school mums I still meet for coffee had their first at 40 - 44 years old so it was not unusual to see us 'oldies' at the school gate. He's now 12 years old so heading towards the teenage years. It's fine. I don't know any different so I can't compare whether I'd feel more or less tired if I'd had him at 30 years old. Like even the younger mums, the first few years were tiring - the rest were fine. Once he got into the sleep idea (eventually) it was the tedious round of playgroups etc that did my head in. But that soon gave way to school and I've managed to start my own business plus a part time job in that time.

DH was 50 when DS was born - and hasn't slowed down since. He and DS are always on the move - swimming, football, walks, off to the park, out to the woods. If I'm away at the weekend they have a boys weekend - Saturday morning pictures, some sort of event (DS loves cars so he and DH often slope off to a car rally), swimming, pizza for tea and a Marvel film. I don't know how DH does it as they also do the garden between them too!

As I say I don't know any better - DS was born when he was born and that's that. I think the decision has less to do with age now days than circumstances and the support you have. As well as the answer to the question 'are you prepared to give up the little freedoms you've got used to?'

I had DD when I was 40. My 4th child. Hubby's 1st. When DD was born my other kids were 24, 22 & 20....all had left home.
The 20 year age gap was ok....DS30 came back home for a few years & is very close to DD, they get on very well.
Having a baby at 40 was very different to 20. Felt like much harder work.
I didnt do the school run much in KS1 as I teach. From KS2 DD came to my school...a lot of her friends parents are not much younger than me.

42 when I had my last one. Absolutely fine. Teenage DDs well they're hard work no matter how old you are I suspect.

Just to give a different perspective - DM had DB when I was 17 and my other DB was 15. We're all very close and in fact having a laugh on WhatsApp right now at the photo my techophobe DM sent us of a random foot

I am very glad my mum had my DB, he is amazing. Mum did look pretty exhausted to begin with though (she was 42!)