Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

I was 41 when I had my daughter ...she is now 8 yrs old I am happily doing the school runs so is my husband,Well I say happily its the school run and has to be done lol .I was 19 when I had my son and one thing I have learned over the years is the school runs never get any better! Boring ,dull, monotonous pain in the bum they are!!!

We’ve got dads who are 60 picking up kids. Just do what you want. School gates are a non issue. Put them in school clubs or get the husband to do it. By year 4/5 they walk themselves to school anyway

Agree!
School runs are boring & monotonous at an age.

It’s normal here. I had my ds just before I turned 40. I’m by no means the oldest mum on the school run.

At our school in year 5 and 6 most children like to be dropped rather than taken into school. And then when they go up to high school they walk themselves or dropped far away from the school gates. So you will barely be doing the school run at 50, you’ll just be their taxi service

First and only at 41. She's at secondary now but at primary, while I was clearly at the top end of the parent age range but it was no problem. There were two mums olde than me but otherwise the age range was from about 20-35. I think the younger parents quite enjoyed being more knowledgeable than someone old enough to be their mum.
We all got along well enough. Maybe I was lucky with a nice cohort of kids and parents. Very ordinary working class/lower middle class (whatever that means) are.

I don't think I could do it. There's 9 years difference between my first and fourth and the difference in pregnancy and recovery was insane-so much harder 9 years on at 32.

This is such a refreshingly positive thread for this topic! Usually these questions are met with a ton of negativity but here even the naysayers are being kind and civil. It's so lovely!

Hi I’m 55 with a son in year 6. I don’t feel old - I don’t look old I hope!!
I love it - although it’s tiring but isn’t being a parent tiring already whatever your age.

I am 54, with DD(12). A lot of her friends' parents are similar age +/- 5 years. I would say that this is the norm for our town, but I suppose the younger parents move in different social circles. the only weird thing is when you sit opposite a teacher at parents evening and realise that you are old enough to be their mother!

I think your own disposition/stress levels and your child(ren) will determine how difficult/easy things are, rather than your actual age.

By the time you hit your 40's and 50's you should have enough life experience to let you know when you need to wade into arguments and how to distance yourselves from batshit co-workers and friends. We are less easily flustered when something goes wrong (invariably, it has happened before!).

My pregnancy wasn't planned but, looking back, we ought to have set aside some time to tackle the "what if the child has a disability?" question. Who will look after them when they are an adult? Would our marriage survive?

I hope this helps you with your decision-making OP

52 here and my eldest is at uni, youngest still in primary. Interestingly when my eldest was at the local state primary, I was late 30s / early 40s then and was the eldest mum among a predominantly young crowd. Never really clicked with any of them, different backgrounds and different mindsets..worked full time and only ever saw them in the playground at drop off. 10 years later at my daughter’s local prep, it’s a different crowd altogether. Older mature mums with professional backgrounds, and I’ve had far more in common and made some great friends. There are many other mums that are as ‘old’ as I am, most are in their 40s at least. I haven’t found it difficult at all, but am quite a youthful 52, with a young mindset..so perhaps that’s helped!

Surely it’s what you’re used to. A mum in her 40’s with a child in primary is so completely normal as to not even raise an eyebrow here. I’ll be 47 when my youngest leaves and I’m absolutely not the oldest in the class. I’m always more surprised when there’s a mum in their 20’s as round here it would be very unusual to have a child in even reception if you are younger than 32/33 and most mums of reception kids would probably be 35 and up. In other places most of the mums would be early to mid 20’s. My youngest started reception when I was 40. Eldest is in 6th form and loads of his friends mums are in their mid to late 50’s especially if they are 3rd or even 4th children and they’re so not old.

I'm actually really surprised how many people are having babies in their 40s, I sort of thought that women couldn't get pregnant at that age, but I think that's because both my nan and mum has very early menopause (nan was late 30s) so I didn't know it was' normal'

Completely in that situation here! I never think about it at all - I just love having her!!

I had a child at 28 and another at 38 (missed the boat for 48!).

I'm 49 now and DS2 is in year 6. There's no issue at all. I do look at some of the younger parents of the Reception children and think some look not much older than my 20 yo, but I'd chat to them as a fellow Mother just as any one else would.

there are some drawbacks here, namely OP's age & the ages of her DC, but the reason given for getting back on the reproductive horse - a childless new partner - is a pretty good one & certainly worth going up against some drawbacks.

I would be more concerned about the teenage years at nearly 60!

Medical advice is to use contraception for a minimum of 2 years post cessation of periods if you are under 50 and 1 year if you are over 50!

Congrats to your friend though, Alpha

The first set of parents I made friends with when DC1 started school were 40 and 50. I was 23 and had just had DC2, they had three other children around my age.
We were friendly all through primary then our DC went to different secondary schools and we lost touch.
I'm still at school picking up DC3 and DC4 and they are back picking up their grandchildren and we meet up again.

Rubyroost

I thought it might be harder when you are older with a teen because they want so much attention but not like a baby or toddler.
OK they are all different but mine was argumentative in a way she just wasn't as a child.
I thought she was such an easy baby and child. So loving and thoughtful. Then she hit fifteen and all hell broke loose.
She had changed at thirteen but nothing too difficult until she began to hang out with different friends and smoke and drink and take drugs. The worry is the worst.

This was in the old days though before Mobile phones so maybe it will be easier now.

A teenager wants to work out who they are and so will often go against you just for the row.

And if you are older, especially over 55 you won't want the argument you will want life to be smoother.
Anyways I might have it all wrong and the kids growing up now will be living in a very different world.
After all there were barely any computers when I parented a teen!

Though my grandchildren are now giving their mum a stressful time too. Same reasons they want to find out who they are and they no longer do as she says without a fight.

Had mine at 43! Actually I think children keep you young, especially your outlook.

I had my third at 40. She's 8 now and the older ones have 18 gaps each.

I feel OK!

*18 months gaps between

Maybe I'm not OK as I can no loner structure a simple sentence!

My youngest is 10 and I wouldn’t want to start again - however she’s the youngest of four, my eldest two are young adults now. I’m looking towards being a grandparent now (hopefully not too soon!) rather than more of my own.

Depends on how you see the other areas of your life developing in the next decade. I’m early 40’s and looking forward to a bit of freedom from that intense responsibility.