Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

@MustardScreams
Yes 64.
Different people enjoy different things and for us having the privilege of a child who we can give a wonderful life to and who we can experience joy from too is preferable to a retirement of mini breaks or Caribbean cruises.
Each to their own.

Normal here too. I had ds at 45, he’s just started senior school.

Getting up an hour earlier to get him onto the senior school bus took a week to get used to, but now it’s fine.

First at 40, 2nd at 43.

I am the eldest, but sociable and always up for a night out.

I do all the school runs.

It really never occurred to me! I had 4 dc between 34 and 40. I’m 48 now and youngest is 7, oldest 13 next week. My age doing the school run just isn’t an issue. I’m not the eldest and there is more than a handful around my age. I do feel like they keep me young.

Having your first at 40 is one thing. Having a baby/toddler with two teens is a bit of a nightmare from what I’ve seen. You don’t quite have the time for either. It would make a difference if you didn’t have to work.

Finished schlepping the school run in June after A levels aged 62. The school run is the easy bit

I am 51. Mine are 24, 22 and 11.
I adore no3 of course. I don't feel older than her friends parents.
However, having teens and a toddler was grim at times. Sitting up waiting for a 15 year old to come home when you have a preschooler is hard core.
Finding holidays affordable and suitable is hard.
I am still hemmed in with school catchment and school hols.

Totally normal!

I'm 40 and have an 11 year old and 4 month old.

I will be doing the school run in my 50's and it doesn't bother me at all.

TBH @Shybairns by the time your child is 9 or 10 you won't be doing a school run; they will be old enough to walk to school or catch a school bus (I assume you have that option!) All my neighbours who have children that age send their children to school on their own - walking or bus.

My best friend at primary school in the 1960s had a younger sister who was born when their mum was 40. It didn't seem odd or old then and my own mum had her 2nd at 37.

50 is young these days- stop thinking about it too much.

You haven't actually said that you wanted another child, just that your partner does.

And it's not just about the school run though is it? It's dealing with a teenager when you're in your 60's. Supporting them through uni. Pushing back retirement. Think long term.

Also, for all the people in their early forties saying they're healthy, yes, most people in their early forties are. Mid fifties, when your child will still be a dependent, less so. Sixty, when financial input intensifies if the child wants to pursue further studies, less so again. Yes, even if you look after yourself and have a youthful attitude. Being 46 with a four year old is eminently manageable for most people. It's what happens next that will be tricky.

50's*

@MakeAWhish

'But now we have this little ray of sunshine, born out of utter love and has bonded all of us together even more deeply. '

That is what it is all about, brought a little tear to my eye,

What a lovely post, enjoy your time with your little one.

I'm 42, have a 5 year old and I'm trying for another.

Your age is not the issue here as much as the age gap between your children. As a previous poster said dealing with the needs of 2 preteens as well as a toddler is extremely challenging. You constantly feel pulled and like you are not giving enough attention to 2 out of 3 children. Everything becomes an organisational feat.
If you are very comfortably off and naturally organised you could make it work much better. Think very carefully here. Good luck!

Very common here too

I had my second at 40.

I’m at the junior school gates at 51.

I’m the second oldest Mum I believe. I estimate my son’s best friends Mum is at least 53 as my husband knows her from school days.

My husband also never had children of his own, but he’s known mine since the youngest was a baby.

It’s really not that unusual to be an older Mum these days.

Thanks @morriseysquif 🥰 I cry thinking about it myself! You're right, it's what it's all about.

51 with a 15 year old here. Baby years were, sleep deprived, but fine. Getting my peri- menopausal scrambled head around the maths/physics /chemistry/english etc homework a 15 year old gets, and dealing with teenage hormones not so easy!!!

It’s all down to being positive and young at heart and in mind. 3rd at 44. Wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s not just the age, although it does bring about increased health risks etc. It’s the impact on finances, space, the other children, the change in dynamic when he has his own child etc. The relationship could break down, you might have to retire early whilst still having to support a child etc.

I’d never have a child just because a partner wanted their own.

I'm 50 and had my youngest at 42. It's been great. Keeps me young and busy. A couple of my friends are facing empty nests and having mid life crises. I'm avoiding all that.

I've been doing it for 30 years. I have just turned 53 and my you gets is 8.
I love it now as I have my own friends and social life so have no desire to make any new friends at the school gate so I can just relax and enjoy picking her up or dropping her off with no concern or knowledge of any playground politics. I also take all the extra stuff like dress up days in my stride and don't panic or feel pressured by it. I'm no more tired than anyone else with a young child a teenager and a part time job.

We are in our 60s with two teens, it's fine. No one bats an eye lid.