Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

[Shybairns]

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

Had mine at 36 & 38. Briefly considered a third but now DS has started FT pre-school and it's very slowly getting easier I don't think I can go back to the newborn stage.

Also while some aspects are easier, DD's social/activity calendar has ramped up over the past year (she is Y2) so juggling all of that x2 plus a baby is just a no from me. A school run mum friend with 2 DC the same age as mine decided to go for a third and is now 6 months pregnant with twins so there's also that (twins run in my family!)

I'm 45 and have same age kids as you and I wouldn't I don't think, unless I came into a lot of money and could have staff

Plenty of people do though, 40s not ancient. You might find it harder to get pregnant so if you set your mind to it sooner than later would be advisable.

What’s worrying you specifically, OP?

Well, babies children and teenagers are easy until they are not. I think age is difficult because although I'm (at 46) less up for running around parks than when I had my first in my twenties, I'm probably less easily worried by normal kid stuff.

However. We still have a huge mortgage and are also paying extra for uni. I can't afford to pay into a pension. I've had to give up work to care for my ill teenager - I did not predict not working at this age as I thought the baby years would be done and my input less.

Mental health, poor health, disability - are you going to be ok at 55 to manage these if your cute baby becomes a troubled teen for example? Dh is in exactly this position and it's hard.

I'm 51 with an 8 year old. It's great.

My lovely mother in law was 47 when she had DH not planned but she just got on with it!

I had my children at 22, 34 and 38. My youngest is three, my eldest is 19. It’s fine.

I had a baby at 42 and 43. It is fine. I found the hardest part Primary school - so many young Mums and Dad - so many school events. Secondary school was much better. They keep us fit (17 and 16 now). Makes me more driven to keep fit and healthy- dont want them thinking I am an old Mum. Also now all those younger Mums are hitting the menopause the gap doesn't seem quite as wide.

I wouldn’t purely on age gap going back to baby years. We have between oldest and youngest 7 years and that’s feels huge.

My friend is 53, her daughter has just turned 9 and she has a 16 year old as well. She's fine doing the school runs and nobody things anything about her age.