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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 18:20

@Inliverpool1 yep agree, your situation may have more to it as well? You say argument blown out of proportion but maybe there's more behind that?

But I'm going on what has been posted on each account.

I also think that if this was a father then most posters would not question the situation or say there must be more to it. Their are bad mothers out there too.

AlternativePerspective · 13/11/2019 18:20

Well, define “very strict with the children”, I mean if he was very strict with the OP’s DS then presumably he is also “very strict” with the children they have together,. And OP decided that, rather than confront him over the treatment of her child her child should move out so that the rest of them could continue to live together as a happy family. her child being a seven year old.

If my partner was so strict with one of my children that that child wanted to move out then I get rid of him, regardless of whether we had children together, because if he’s capable of doing that to her child then he’s capable of doing it to their joint children.

What happens when the joint children grow up into pre-pubescent and teenagers and start pushing the boundaries and start to “clash” with their father. How is the OP going to deal with that then? I suspect that only then will she see that she was blinded by the kind of man she chose over her own child.

Also, the story has changed a bit hasn’t it? In the beginning it was the ex who took the OP through a two year long court battle, and Cafcas deciding that, not only should the father have full time residency, but that the OP be restricted to just four nights of contact a month. And now it’s that the OP and her ex mutually decided that the DS should go and live with him? Which is it then?

AlternativePerspective · 13/11/2019 18:22

Also, moving her child out because of the partner’s child moving in is very much proof that she has not only put her partner above her child, but his child as well.

spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 18:25

@Doyoumind but you never mentioned those other bits on your analogy of why the child left, OP and DP agreed it was for the best, but then say people have not read the thread.

I'm sorry you were abused but abuse is not just physical it's also shouting and often dressed up as I'm "just strict".

FrancisCrawford · 13/11/2019 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Surfskatefamily · 13/11/2019 18:30

Why would you do that. Dont you want your son to go to Disneyland?

Surfskatefamily · 13/11/2019 18:31

I've just noticed I'm like 11 pages late and now this a total other conversation. Oops

DotForShort · 13/11/2019 18:37

The word "argument" implies a certain equality to the interactions between them. This isn't possible between a 7 year old and adult.

Very well said. We aren't talking about two adults clashing (or even about a teenager in the throes of rebellion against authority) but about a young child faced with a "strict" stepfather figure. The child is utterly powerless in such a situation. And in these circumstances I would kick the partner out rather than send the child away.

nicky7654 · 13/11/2019 18:39

I totally understand your concerns. I stopped my Son coming back off holiday 2 days after first day of secondary school (organised behind my back by Nan) I let him go but he had to be back for School. It's a shame the holiday has been booked without your agreement and even though your Son doesn't live with you , you are still his Mum and should be treated as such. I wish you all the best x

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/11/2019 18:44

My god do you even like your own child? You moved him out to keep your partner happy and you want to go to court to stop him going to Disneyland? You're cracked.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 13/11/2019 18:48

Yabvu even to suggest this. Your son will hate you if you do this.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 13/11/2019 18:51

Ah I see now from your updates. You chose your dp and his daughter over your own son. I doubt you care if he hates you then, this is just to get back at your ex.

You sound awful.

Bellaxx8 · 13/11/2019 18:54

Can’t believe any women would pick a partner over there own child!
Shocked that you wouldn’t leave your partner and keep your child

Bellaxx8 · 13/11/2019 18:55

I don’t know why you care if your son goes to Disneyland or not, you didn’t care enough to keep him.

Span1elsRock · 13/11/2019 18:59

What an upsetting thread.

Poor lad, I'd buy him a trip to Disney too after all he's been through Sad

Bullied in his own home, and a Mother that allowed him to be. WTAF.

Figgygal · 13/11/2019 19:00

Just let the poor kid go to Disneyland but make it clear you're not happy about the term time holidays and you don't expect that it will happen again. If we make a habit out of it then yes maybe pursue your options but this is a one off at this point and you should consider as such

olivesnutsandcheese · 13/11/2019 19:02

Sorry you are getting a hard time OP. Everyone is so quick to judge that you chose your partner over your child. As if you would leave a partner who you have children with because your elder son wants to live with his dad. I imagine there are so many factors involved.
However in this case I would register with the school that you are not happy with the term time holiday but state that you cannot legally object.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 13/11/2019 19:03

2 weeks at this age isn't going to damage his education so I'd let it go.....

(I'd be annoyed if I was a 7 year old boy who suddenly had to share a bedroom with a girl - one he's not related to - so I can understand why he chose to live with his father. If you valued and respected your child you would have moved to a larger home first instead of forcing a living situation like that on him.....)

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/11/2019 19:05

To be precise, the study showed that children taking authorised holiday made little difference to educational outcomes or possibly a small positive effect (although my understanding of the report is that it was not statistically significant). However, children taking unauthorised holiday (as the OP's ex is talking about here) have significantly worse outcomes

That makes no sense!

Its the same experience for the child whether its authorised or not. They're still missing the same amount of time whether its authorised or not. How can the outcome be different based on a decision made by school?

adaline · 13/11/2019 19:10

As if you would leave a partner who you have children with because your elder son wants to live with his dad. I imagine there are so many factors involved.

Maybe she should have moved her partner in and seen how it all worked out first before having children with him?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/11/2019 19:18

As if you would leave a partner who you have children with because your elder son wants to live with his dad.

You might not if the reason a 7 year old wanted to live with his dad was because dad gave him chicken nuggets and ice cream for dinner whilst you gave him vegetables but if the reason is because his step dad is very strict and he has to suddenly share a room with a step sister you probably would.

choli · 13/11/2019 19:30

Can’t believe any women would pick a partner over there own child!
But she doesn't need her oldest child anymore. She has shiny new better ones with her new partner and a bonus step daughter.

Inliverpool1 · 13/11/2019 19:33

You are all being revolting. There is a person reading your comments, no need for this vitriol

Nursejackie1 · 13/11/2019 19:35

I’m a single Mum with a seven year old son. Over my dead body would any man come into my sons home and make him feel like he didn’t fit here anymore. I cannot understand this even being a choice.
Let the father take him and do not put a downer on this. Your poor son deserves as much fun as he can have.
Stop being bitter. Let him have a lovely holiday. You made an awful choice when you kept the bloke over your son. Don’t make any more.

BlouseAndSkirt · 13/11/2019 19:52

OP, it all sounds very difficult.

I would not / have never taken my DC out of school for holidays and I understand your disquiet.

But you are plonked between rock and hard place. Even if you were able to get a stop put on a term time hol, I bet your ex would take his wife and younger kids away then. Leaving your Ds out, and to come and live with his step Dad for the duration of the holiday. This would probably not help your relationship with your son.

And that is very, very important. More so than a couple of works of primary school that if he is a bright lad he can catch up on.

Please, though, I hope you get quality time with him, just you and him and not his strict step dad Sad

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