Ex taking child on holiday

[Aimee75]

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

What on earth have I just read??

This must be a reverse, surely!

If it’s not....words fail me

You are all being revolting

Nah, what's revolting is choosing your new partner over your 7yo child to the extent that he doesn't want to live with you anymore.

@ adaline revolting, reflects badly on you

Defending anybody who has put their partner in front of their 7 year old is revolting.

Jesus, so much fucking projection.

Oh well, luckily I'm really not bothered about what a stranger on the internet thinks about me.

From respondents rather than the OP, if that wasn’t clear.

Sort yourselves out.

Ps—OP—my opinion is you let this one go for now but speak with your ex about how he plans to make up for lost time in education for your son.

To the poster who said school is basically babysitting until Y10, wtaf?

Oh well, luckily I'm really not bothered about what a stranger on the internet thinks about me.

I know, adaline! It’s fab! AMIRITE??!!

School in the UK is not that rigorous. Your child will not be missing much especially at that age. And yes, even Disneyland can teach a child more than the UK education system... that’s what’s sad about this.

Let the child go.

School in the UK is not that rigorous.

Which country’s educational system are you comparing this against, Lightkeeper?

I’m asking genuinely.

@ShagMeRiggins probably somewhere like Korea, Japan or some parts of India or West Africa. British kids are basically years behind compared to where some kids there are. Most Indian and West African people I know and work with tutor their kids themselves plus send them to a Kumon type thing for a couple of hours a week.

Sorry off topic !

I used to go on a 2 week holiday every year during school time in primary school and a lot of secondary school too (when I wasn't doing exams) and I'm now in university and going on to do a phD, 2 weeks won't harm his school work/future especially at 9 years olds. Let him go and have fun

With all the best will in the world, your child has been through enough and really does deserve this holiday. Your ex is clearly putting the child first and I think you just this once should, try to put your child's needs above yours.
At 7 years old a child needs, their own parents to put them first and care about them.
No way does the partner trump your own child!

This is a pretty hideous pile-on and I’m sure the OP has stopped reading now, but going back to her actual question...

If it was me, I’d let him go but I’d (a) seek assurances that there were plans to support him to catch up with his missed school work and (b) make it very clear to the school and LA that you do not agree to him missing school, in the event they attempt to fine you.

I don’t think a battle in court would be the best thing for your son. You seem to have reached a place where you and his father are civil to each other, and that’s so important for your boy.

If he was secondary school age I’d be a lot more concerned, or if there was a pattern developing of him missing school for holidays or other unauthorised reasons. But for now, I’d let it pass and keep an eye.

The op did say that she has children with her current partner and that her son lived with them until 2 years ago, so just wondering what all the people saying she should have got rid of partner instead of letting her son go and live with dad would say if she put one child's needs above the others? Because surely they need/would like their dad around.

Ok so for those that need to know my partner’s daughter moved in and my son had to start sharing a bedroom; my partner is very strict with the children and he & my son clashed. My ex is a very good father (always been present & communicates well) unfortunately my son didn’t feel he fit in at my home and 2 years ago my ex & I decided it was in his best interest to live with his Father as there was more space and the arguments would stop between my son and partner. Is that good enough for everyone?

This is hands down the saddest thing I have read on MN. Why did your partner not move out instead of your Son?

Let your Son go to Disney with his Father and step family. This is not about him missing school at all.

I read the first half. I’d take a 9 year old out of school in a shot to go to Disneyland. Op could you ask for a week of holiday with your ds to replace the contact? If I were you I’d be trying to make my contact count, make sure my son knows he’s so loved (while being a parent not his best friend of course) and try and save to go back to court with a lawyer. Make sure he knows you hope he has an amazing time and he’s so lucky.

ShagMeRiggins

Rigorous doesn't just mean the kind of education system Japan, Korea, etc. have. What I mean here is the actual value of sitting around in a state school in the UK... hour after hour... which pales compared to schools elsewhere with likely less school hours and yet you learn more.

I was educated in various countries (incl. Asia, US and Europe). Asia was rigorous in the traditional sense. Good (there’s a reason that’s in italics) US schools allowed for a breadth of interests the UK state education system doesn’t cover and European schools somehow taught a lot more in less time (they were a lot more creative in their teaching). I just don't understand how the UK can get it so wrong.

Foreign languages are barely taught here — and even if kids learn one at state school, they can barely do anything with it later. I did my A-levels in Europe, where we were taught many languages and this enabled me to study at a top UK uni while my sisters studied in France (languages that weren’t ’native’ to us).

At the top UK university I went to (drew a lot of straight A students), I attended econometrics classes with people who had A-levels in Maths. Where I did my A-levels, you couldn’t just concentrate on 3-5 subjects. I had at least 10 subjects right to the very end and you choose your majors. I only had Maths as a ’minor subject’ (2-3 hours a week for the final 2 years), so I was nervous, but to my surprise, I easily caught up. How?!?

A French guy I know recently moved with his family to the UK. His daughter (similar age to OP’s son) was delighted because she could just sit back for a few years. British kids are apparently around two years behind.

Someone I know who spent a few years in Europe with his family can see the difference in his own children. The oldest started school over there, the younger one only knows the British education system. The older one is miles ahead of the younger sibling and they blame it on the British school system.

I can go on and on... there’s a Guardian article published yesterday on British teachers leaving the UK. Read the comments, too... British state schools are nothing to be proud about.

Just out of interest - if he is on holiday for 2 weeks before school closes, is he expecting you to do ALL the childcare over summer?

I guess he only has a certain amount of annual leave. If he is taking a large chunk before summer, will that cost YOU money in childcare over the actual summer holidays - or during the over holidays in the year?

chomalungma

Given that the dad is responsible for childcare 80% of the time, the least I would expect the mother to do is pick up a bit of slack during the holidays. Isn’t that what people here often complain about when the genders are reversed?

More likely, though, as the dad has other kids with his second wife, they have childcare in place for those kids and the OP’s son is covered by that, too.

tthe least I would expect the mother to do is pick up a bit of slack during the holidays. Isn’t that what people here often complain about when the genders are reversed

I would expect the holidays to be 50 / 50 split childcare wise.

If the dad is the resident parent then holidays aren't an issue no more than it is for any other parent. There is no suggestion that during school holidays access with the mother will be increased or that the dad expects her to do ALL the childcare. Why would access arrangements change? And the dad is hardly likely to force his son to spend extra time with a man who is damaging to him.

I'd say in this situation the dad expects nothing from the mum and has his own arrangements in place.

Wow lots of critical comments on here since I stopped reading yesterday! I’m not going to prevent my son going on holiday but I have had a conversation with my ex about taking him out of school. My ex has his own company so during summer holidays he can take as much time off as he likes and his wife doesn’t work so there are no childcare costs

But a family holiday to Disney will be infinitely cheaper during term time. I'm sure they haven't a magic porridge pot of money.

At 9missing a couple of weeks of school for what is probably a once in a lifetime holiday isn't the end of the world. I think it's better for the kids to go during term time than to not go at all because of cost at summer time.

I couldn't even afford to go during term time, so my kids will just have to wait until they're old enough to pay for themselves

Wow lots of critical comments on here since I stopped reading yesterday! I’m not going to prevent my son going on holiday but I have had a conversation with my ex about taking him out of school. My ex has his own company so during summer holidays he can take as much time off as he likes and his wife doesn’t work so there are no childcare costs

Which was all that was needed in the first place, not threats of court! Are you taking your son away during the school holidays? Or is it to expensive?