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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:
choli · 13/11/2019 15:53

Is everyone missing the part where THE CHILD wants to live with his dad ? What happened to the kids getting a say?*
The kid's say only matters if the kid is saying what Mummy wants him to say.

saoirse31 · 13/11/2019 15:53

OP said the child wanted to live with his dad as didnt get on with the ops current partner. I'm not seeing OP as a victim here tbh.

HugoSpritz · 13/11/2019 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 16:27

Ok so for those that need to know my partner’s daughter moved in and my son had to start sharing a bedroom; my partner is very strict with the children and he & my son clashed. My ex is a very good father (always been present & communicates well) unfortunately my son didn’t feel he fit in at my home and 2 years ago my ex & I decided it was in his best interest to live with his Father as there was more space and the arguments would stop between my son and partner. Is that good enough for everyone?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/11/2019 16:33

So, your son had to start sharing a room, your partner was very strict and “ unfortunately my son didn’t feel he fit in at my home”

He was 7, OP. Seven.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/11/2019 16:33

@Aimee75 No offense Aimee but my partner would be out the door long before my 7 year old child.

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 16:37

Arya OP has children with her partner. Also, was she supposed to turn his daughter away saying she couldn't be accommodated? If a stepmom came on here proposing that they would get their arse handed to them.

LunchBoxPolice · 13/11/2019 16:37

Sounds like the poor boy deserves the holiday.

spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 16:37

@Aimee75 how did you feel about him being "very strict" it doesn't sound pleasant?

Was you son having to share full time with your partners daughter?

It all sounds very sad for your son and like it was convenient for you and new partner.

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 16:38

*stepmum. Why does auto correct think I'm American?

spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 16:39

@Aimee75 do you have children with your new partner?

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 16:41

This thread is a great example of how unsupportive and judgemental women can be towards women.

spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 16:42

@Doyoumind and how if a man gets custody it's because he can afford a barrister, not that he is the better parent and doesn't have a "very strict" new partner.

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2019 16:45

“This thread is a great example of how unsupportive and judgemental women can be towards women.“

Is it? I’m not going to be supportive of a parent of either sex who prioritises a new partner over a child. Particularly a child who was under 7.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/11/2019 16:47

I'm sure that the op was devastated that her ex is RP, so I don't think there's any need to bash her anymore

I'm sure a lot of dads are devastated too, but nobody would give a man any kind words when he was being an arse solely because he wasn't the RP.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/11/2019 16:49

Your son is 9 and has had a turbulent few years in his short little life. Disney will be lovely for him. He's not going to ruin his education for the sake of a few weeks at 9.

Please, don't argue this. Let him go. And if next year his dad suggests another term time holiday you can address it then.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 13/11/2019 16:50

decided it was in his best interest to live with his Father as there was more space and the arguments would stop between my son and partner. Is that good enough for everyone?

The word "argument" implies a certain equality to the interactions between them. This isn't possible between a 7 year old and adult.

Please just leave them alone to holiday without you making a fuss. You don't have the right to.

DonKeyshot · 13/11/2019 16:50

Any man who was "very strict with the children" wouldn't get across my threshold nor would I ever contemplate having dc with him.

Whatever possessed you to put a controlling bully before your ds, OP?

pooopypants · 13/11/2019 16:50

Sounds like your ex stepped up to the plate and wanted to protect his son from your 'very strict' partner

His (the partner's) arse would have been handed to him before my 7 year old child left his/my home.

It sounds to me like your son needs a holiday and he bloody deserves it if you ask me.

No, that's not what you came to AIBU for but you get the truth on the AIBU board.

And yes, you are being unreasonable. Your son stopped being your problem when you chose your partner over him. If I was your ex, I'd have told you to take a long walk off a short pier.

Dibinn · 13/11/2019 16:52

Why is everybody being really nasty to this lady? Isn't a forum like this suppose to be supportive? Nobody knows the circumstances as to why she doesn't have residency of her son. Even if she is acting out of jealousy or some disappointment at not being able to provide for her son what his father does, surely the right thing to do is council kindly, not kick her when she's down!

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2019 16:53

“ Nobody knows the circumstances as to why she doesn't have residency of her son.”

Yes we do.

blueraindrop · 13/11/2019 16:54

I find this sad. Why don't you say to your dh you're glad he's able to take ds to places like Florida but can he limit taking dc out of school to just this once.
I honestly am not sure of the detriment of taking a dc out who otherwise has good attendance for 2 weeks.
Obviously ensure you don't get fined etc I would say have a nice time to your ds what's the alternative, he remembers for life how you halted his family holidays? It's extortionate to go away in the school holidays. I would however absolutely dispute secondary absences especially once exam years hit but I don't think this is along the same lines

pooopypants · 13/11/2019 16:57

@dibinn

Actually, the OP has posted the circumstances ^ up there

This is AIBU, where you are told the truth, even if it hurts.

And exactly what 'counsel' would you offer to someone who chose her new partner over her 7 year old child? A cup of tea? Soothing words?

The OP sounds bitter that her ex is taking the child on holiday and fluffing it out by saying she's 'concerned with his education' . She wasn't concerned by the conflict between her strict partner and the child way back when, what's the sudden interest now?

tillytrotter1 · 13/11/2019 16:58

School is largely just babysitting until Year 10 and Year 11

You graduated in Ignorance 101 did you?

As I used to say to my pupils in Year 8 who started slacking Don't come whining to me in Year 10, it's too late by then.

spanglydangly · 13/11/2019 16:59

@dibinn why is OP down? She's not displayed distress at the DS going away, she's concerned that it'll become a regular occurrence but that's not been proven yet.

If you refer to residency then OP and her partner agreed it was best as the child being in the house caused too many arguments. I'm sure if OP was a father and not a mother you wouldn't think he was "down"? You'd say he made a lifestyle choice as did OP.

Nowhere has OP expressed sadness or upset.