AIBU about friend moving in with my DM?

[MrsTWH]

A friend of mine has recently sold her house and her new property isn’t ready to complete on yet. She has a DH and 2 small children (3 and 2). She rang me, stressing and crying that she would be homeless for a few weeks and didn’t know what to do. My DM in her late 70s lives on her own and has plenty of room, and I thought she would appreciate a bit of extra money before Christmas. I spoke to my DM and she said she would happily do it and would really benefit from a bit of rent for a month. I put them in touch and left them to it to arrange and check they were all happy with arrangements. I had no concerns about it, she’s a lovely person.

They have moved in and been there for 2 weeks. My DM is at the end of her tether, and called me in tears today. Apparently they are extremely untidy and messy and don’t clean up after themselves. She said it took her 2 hours to clean her kitchen today and they’ve ruined several pans. They’ve eaten all her food, even though she has given them cupboards and fridge freezer space. They don’t wash up. They have stained her Dining chairs, ruined 2 tablecloths, feed their kids on her cream sofa rather than at the dining table. She said there are make up and toiletries stains all over the bathroom and walls. They’ve ruined some of her towels. Kids toys, clothes, dirty dishes everywhere. Dirt trodden into carpets. They leave the kids in bed at the weekends until they’ve had a lie in so my mum is disturbed by crying and whinging from 6am onwards until they decide to get up at 10am. They have decided to take advantage of having my mum around and go out most evenings when the kids are in bed and leave my mum to babysit. They keep turning the heating up to 25 degrees, they bath and shower twice a day and bath the kids separately. She said she was only offered £400 rent for all 4 of them including bills and is upset that it is going to cost her more than that in bills and to replace the things that have been ruined and to get a deep clean done when they leave.

AIBU to think that my friend is utterly taking the piss out of my poor DM? Should I say something to her? I feel really shocked, I had no idea it would turn out like this and feel really bad about it.

Go round and help your mum detail a bill for all the stuff they've ruined and utilities etc they've used so far then tell them to piss off.
Your poor mum.

Did she take a deposit? Inventory? Then calculate cost of replacing pots, damages, deduct that from return of deposit. However normal wear and tear is excluded.
Sounds like this is way beyond normal wear and tear.

Absolutely call her out, I would never be friends with someone who shows so little respect to my mother when she's doing her such a big favour

Even if you do fall out she is not worth keeping around

This was never going to go well. Two very young children, who are not her grandkids, were always going to be disruptive for an elderly person who is used to leaving alone. Having said that, your friend is a rude and ungrateful cow. You need to go over there and sort her out.

Oh my goodness, of course you have to help your mum.

Well you can’t not do anything , your poor mum , I’d go round and see for yourself and tell them your mum is struggling and if they don’t pull their socks up they will have no choice but to go elsewhere .

Also don’t be surprised if the new property is delayed and she stayed much longer than expected.

Did you know she was a messy disrespectful arsehole ?

Tell her to tell them to leave before they completely destroy her house.

No, I had absolutely no idea they would behave like this or I’d have never suggested the arrangement in a million years!

You’re right, I will go over and see for myself and have serious words. Initially my mum was reluctant for me to do this because it would be clear she’d been slagging them off to me and didn’t want to upset them.

Absolutely go around there are play hell. What CFs

And

Your ‘friend’ manipulated you into finding her accommodation. Sold her house and new one wasn’t ready? She could have done the standard thing and put in the contract that her sale didn’t complete until her purchase did. But forget that now. If she just sold a house she has money for rent but instead she chose to come wailing to you until she got a sweet deal. She was probably hoping for rent free.

Putting them in touch with your mum was a terrible idea but I guess you know that now.

You’re going to have to go round there and tell them to leave, and either recover damages from them or pay your mum yourself for her damaged stuff. Taking her food without permission is simply stealing.

Don’t worry about offending the ‘friend’ this is not a salvageable friendship.

Short it out. I can see your mud point in case they retaliate and she’s an old woman.
Personally, I was in the position between houses with kids and we stayed in hotels and travelodge for 4 weeks. I would never move in with my toddler with friends. Toddlers are noisy, messy and that’s a recipe for disaster.

Absolutely call her out, I would never be friends with someone who shows so little respect to my mother when she's doing her such a big favour

^This. Then tell her to leave.

Check the local Travelodge has rooms - ask your friend to leave tonight. This is awful.

Massive cf. I'd be telling her to pack her bags tonight!

You have to intervene here. Your poor mum shouldn’t be having to deal with this at her age.

oh my lord your poor Mum

Just go round and see your Mum. It doesn't have to mean she was bitching - your friend is staying with your Mum and you wanted to see both of them.

See it for yourself and then deal with your friend.

My goodness, I would never let anyone treat my mother like that. Fuck that.

You tried to be nice, you both did, but this is not working. Go round there, ask your mother to tell them she needs to discuss this arrangement and give them 2-3 days to find an alternative.

Express your disappointment also, I would be so angry if a friend treated my mum like that. Please go stand up for your mum and get them out of there ASAP.

You must go and help your mum! They should move tomorrow

What a cf your friend is and your poor mum. You need to get them out of there. Some people are unreal

I was also going to say she needs to pay bills AND for a professional clean. Is that reasonable? If it’s as bad as DM says, I’ll be so angry.

It’s time for a list of ground rules to be drawn up by you and your mum, only eat at the table, tots in their rooms only, but own food , no baby sitting etc etc etc. I would revisit the rent as well. Then if they don’t adhere to them they can find somewhere else to live