AIBU about friend moving in with my DM?

[MrsTWH]

A friend of mine has recently sold her house and her new property isn’t ready to complete on yet. She has a DH and 2 small children (3 and 2). She rang me, stressing and crying that she would be homeless for a few weeks and didn’t know what to do. My DM in her late 70s lives on her own and has plenty of room, and I thought she would appreciate a bit of extra money before Christmas. I spoke to my DM and she said she would happily do it and would really benefit from a bit of rent for a month. I put them in touch and left them to it to arrange and check they were all happy with arrangements. I had no concerns about it, she’s a lovely person.

They have moved in and been there for 2 weeks. My DM is at the end of her tether, and called me in tears today. Apparently they are extremely untidy and messy and don’t clean up after themselves. She said it took her 2 hours to clean her kitchen today and they’ve ruined several pans. They’ve eaten all her food, even though she has given them cupboards and fridge freezer space. They don’t wash up. They have stained her Dining chairs, ruined 2 tablecloths, feed their kids on her cream sofa rather than at the dining table. She said there are make up and toiletries stains all over the bathroom and walls. They’ve ruined some of her towels. Kids toys, clothes, dirty dishes everywhere. Dirt trodden into carpets. They leave the kids in bed at the weekends until they’ve had a lie in so my mum is disturbed by crying and whinging from 6am onwards until they decide to get up at 10am. They have decided to take advantage of having my mum around and go out most evenings when the kids are in bed and leave my mum to babysit. They keep turning the heating up to 25 degrees, they bath and shower twice a day and bath the kids separately. She said she was only offered £400 rent for all 4 of them including bills and is upset that it is going to cost her more than that in bills and to replace the things that have been ruined and to get a deep clean done when they leave.

AIBU to think that my friend is utterly taking the piss out of my poor DM? Should I say something to her? I feel really shocked, I had no idea it would turn out like this and feel really bad about it.

No, that is not unreasonable OP, create a final amount and ask them to leave. They can use their money to get a hotel or try and take the piss out of someone else. No more negotiations, they pay what they owe and for the things they've ruined and they leave.

This is no friend, and I wouldn't worry if she decides to not speak to you again. Ensure you let them both know how disappointed you are and how you would never have bothered if this is how they were going to treat your mum and her property.

Enough is enough, defend your mum and get them out ASAP. If you can go there tomorrow - do so. Don't let them know you're coming, just make sure your mum tells them both she needs to speak to them.

I wouldn't bother with what the previous poster suggested about rules, it's too late and they will not abide. Just get them out and get what is owed to your mum.

Honestly I don't know what you're waiting for. It's a terrible situation for your mum to be in and you will need to deal with it. Kick her out and end the friendship. Depending on financial circumstances and value of damaged items I'd probably write them off in order to be shot of her.

Oh no, your poor mum. This is awful
Tbh if I was you, I would go round and ask them to pack and leave the next day.
Shes a very disrespectful friend to treat your Mum like this, it's wrong on so many levels.

I can’t believe that any of you actually thought this was a good idea

I haven’t been waiting, DM only told me late this afternoon and asked me not to say anything. I will go round tomorrow either at lunchtime if I can escape from work or straight after work.

I'll come with you OP

If I was in her position, I’d be bending over backwards to keep things clean and tidy! I’d be cooking meals for everyone. I would be on my best behaviour. Her house was never messy when I went over. I had no reason to suspect they would behave like this!

Yes you definitely need to go round tomorrow. They need to pay for cleaning and anything damaged. And find alternative accommodation pronto

If that's after two weeks it'll just get worse. They need to leave ASAP.

I'm surprised you're questioning whether you should say something or not. If it's as bad as your DM says then you'll see it when you visit. You don't need to mention that your DM said anything.

You need to go to your poor mum’s, make an inventory of the damage and free childcare as well as stolen food. You then need to present these layabouts with the financial truth of their stay as well as the emotional cost to your poor mum.
Lesson learned.

What is WRONG with people!!!! I’d be mortified

I haven’t seen it yet, ThatsMeInTheSpoltlight. I was going to call CF friend as soon as I’d spoken to my DM, but she asked me not to. I will go round and Then don’t need to mention my DM has said anything.

Go round and boot them out immediately. End your friendship with these pigs. And send them a bill for the damage, followed up in court if necessary.

Go round, do an inventory of what’s been ruined. Kick them out. This is insane.

Just go round and see your Mum. It doesn't have to mean she was bitching - your friend is staying with your Mum and you wanted to see both of them.
See it for yourself and then deal with your friend.

This ^^ Go round to visit your Mum and express your shock and disgust at the state of the house. Take photos of everything they've damaged/dirtied and tell them to be out by Friday.

I'm sure they'll bitch and moan, but tell them they've brought it on themselves. What CF's!

Who cares if they think your mum has said something? You're her daughter, these are your friends and they're treating her and her home awfully so of course she will tell you. Pull them up on their shit and get them to leave and pay up. No friend would ever be so damn disrespectful.

How do some people behave this way? Particularly to an elderly woman who's doing them a favour! I'd be mortified if they were my family.

Go round, take a look at the house and call your friend out. Take her apart verbally, point out all the crap she's done and hasn't done, build up a bill and kick them the fuck out.

They need to move out into air bnb imminently. Don't put your dm through any more stress. They can't be relied upon to shape up. What a disgrace!

Some people just have no respect for other people or other people’s property.

Cheeky bastards! You need to get involved and boot them out! Have they already paid the £400? They owe double!

Tell them they need to leave this weekend and they will be billed for the damage and the housework. They have abused her generosity. There are plenty of cheap travel lodges they can stay in for a week or two.

They need to move out into air bnb imminently. Don't put your dm through any more stress. They can't be relied upon to shape up. What a disgrace!

I don’t think any Airbnb owners would want them either. They sound like a nightmare 😮

Has your mum even had the initially offered £400 yet?

I would not be embarrassed about mentioning anything here. Get them out straightaway, consider the friendship over. Protect your mother, I don't know why you even have to ask.