To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

[Fbdj]

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell the police I was being harassed because I was in contact with my Ex, by a woman who he was casually shagging. Especially not if she contacts me at work or contacts my children (thankfully she's done neither as yet).

Hmmm. You should be

He's really done a number on you OP. You're focusing on the psycho behaviour of this woman (who has herself been treated like a piece of shit by this man) and you're ignoring the behaviour of this awful man. In fact you're actually justifying it. and she has become the villain.

And then you're going to take him back.

Do you not have any self-respect? He has treated her like shit. He's lied and cheated and treated you like shit. If you take him back, what message are you giving him? That he can get away with it. That you have no self-worth.

And all the time you're mouthing off about the woman. He'll be loving every minute of it. You're playing right into his hands.

Why would you take someone back who's cheated you like that? Who has treated other woman in this awful, disrespectful, nasty, dishonest, horrible way?

Why would you think that's all you're worth?

I think, and I learned it the hard way, leave them to it. She's "won" a real prize. Lucky her. (and then you'll see that in fact you've won, because you're free of such a tawdry, insane, vile, existence and can start to see what normal is).

YANBU to report her for harassment.

YABU to even consider “dating” him.

Your X may not have been single, but he definitely made himself available.
Technically, really, you're the OW here. She's still in a relationship with him, of sorts.

Stop her contacting you by letting her have him, if that's what she wants.

Please stop patronising me.

She is a really unpleasant piece of work. Women who make a mission of fucking other women's partners usually are. You're all determined to take her side, tell me I'm an idiot and I should focus on him (and presumably ignore her vile abuse!) and getting him out of my life etc. That is a separate issue. She knows we're not together. I can't break up with him because we're not together. She doesn't get to say who I am in contact with.

He hasn't told me much about her at all. I've not asked because she is not the issue between us - the issue is his infidelity and that could have been anyone, it's not important. The vast majority of what I know is from the horses mouth and the only reason she is important is because she has done this campaign of contacting me via every possible means.

She never tried to be honest with me, her main objective was to hurt and demean me.

Her main objective was, according to your partner, to get him to be in a proper relationship with him. Her main objective now is to get his attention. It isn't really about you at all. You're an obstacle to her.

You seem so focused on her that you ignore the fact that HIS main objective before you found out was to shag her casually without you finding out.

His objective after you found out they were shagging was to keep lines of communication open with you and keep casually shagging her.

Nice.

Women who make a mission of fucking other women's partners usually are.

Ffs he was on a casual sex website actively looking for people to fuck, she hardly zoned in on him and broke him down did she?!

I honestly don't understand how you can say things like that without seeing how ridiculous they are! Crack on, good luck.

No one is telling you to forget what this woman is doing and only blame your ex! It's not an either/or situation.

We're telling you that she's behaving like a stalker so yes, game action. But at the same time, your ex is a dick and you need to block him too.

It's not a choice of only blocking one and us telling you you're blocking the wrong one. We're saying block both and report any harassment.

CTRL you sound very like her. Do you also fuck a succession of other women's partners hoping eventually one might actually want a relationship with you and not just see you as an easy lay?

She knew he was with me when she met him. She admitted as much. He told her from the start, and that he wanted to stay with me.

Don't you think it's gross that he wanted an "easy lay" he knew would devastate you even though he wanted to stay with you?

He thought an easy lay was worth risking your relationship for. He was actively searching for women to fuck while you thought you were in a monogamous relationship.

He signed up, made a profile, made dates with the ones he liked the look of, fucked other people and lied to you.

I don't think anyone is going to tell you that staying with him is a great idea but you're right, it's absolutely up to you so good luck.

That is a separate issue. She knows we're not together. I can't break up with him because we're not together. She doesn't get to say who I am in contact with.

Posters have focused on it because you've said youre "talking" with him "as friends" and mentioned that you need to decide whether you can trust him or not.

So posters have naturally come to the conclusion that a reconciliation is not totally off the cards in your head.

(Unless you meant trust him to tell any truth about the entire situation).

(You can't btw and you can't trust him to be faithful or treat you decently either)..

Your focus on her, other than to stop her contacting you, is pointless and playing into his hands. And yes you do sound bitchy and competitive etc towards her - which is equally pointless.

She's a sad individual, who's been used and abused by your ex. That should be the focus, not snarking about whose twat is tighter. Get her and her sillyness out od your head, focus on getting over what your ex had done to you.

So he told her that he was just using her for casual sex and wanted to cheat on his partner while cheating on her, and that is somehow an improvement on just lying and cheating? And really he is just a victim of a nasty woman who is out to steal other people´s partners?

Come on, OP. Read through what you are writing. You are making her the villain of the piece while minimizing his role. This guy is not a good guy. Find someone decent and loyal to have a relationship with.

We're not together. I've said that repeatedly. He is not my partner.

Yes he was on a casual sex site. Lots of single blokes on them too. She chose to keep seeing him despite knowing about me. And chose to fuck other men knowing about their wives and partners. So she can't expect any sympathy.

(And yes I know he did too. But that's a separate issue. Forgiving him, or deciding to continue, or whatever, is a separate issue and one I have yet to resolve)

I once slept with a married man. It was a long time ago when I was single. I felt nothing but regret after, he told me he was separated but that wasn't true. I certainly didn't revel in it or get my kicks from telling his wife all the details.

Women who make a mission of fucking other women's partners usually are.

And what about men who make a mission if cheating on their partners, actively seeking sex with other women behind their backs and thinking it's ok?

I understand she's harassed you,btrirf to wind you up,vtried to demean you etc - she's a pathetic, nasty person but she wouldn't know your name if your partner hadn't brought her into your lives (and it sounds like you think that just because he did it only for sex, that's it's not that bad ... As I said before that's depressing), he's the cause of this. Not one person here wants to see you being "friendly" with him or being sucked back into getting back together with him sooner or later.

I'm amazed that you were happy to start talking to him again and considering whether you could try again all the time knowing he was still seeing her for sex!! If he had never seen her since you split then maybe but, come on!!!

So posters have naturally come to the conclusion that a reconciliation is not totally off the cards in your head

@Sandals OP actually said in the OP “I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly...” so no need to come to conclusion about reconciliation not being off the cards... it was already explicit that it was on the cards! Just unbelievable.

CTRL stop with the personal attacks.

Your partner may be faithful now. Who's to say he always has been or whether he will remain so? As to how you will react if he isn't...you won't know until it happens. Just like any traumatic event. Trust me.

Oh, and when using a contraction of you are, it's you're not your. Hth.

You keep trying to justify how he isn’t your partner and your not dating him anymore.

Yet still your on here seeking advice with what to do next. And your on here slagging off the other woman. And your asking for advice and still in contact with the cheating pig - so don’t try to sugar coat things. Your planning on getting back together otherwise you wouldn’t be on here justifying why his right and why SHES ‘wrong’

Fool