To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

[Fbdj]

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

I'm reading you but there's only one person to blame in this whole mess, not yourself or the other woman but the man who caused all this. She's getting her in for from somewhere, you're the bad one, you're the spiteful one who doesn't xyz and telling her she's the best ect, sorry woman don't react the way she does unless he's been in her ear. Probably promised her the world he's unlikely going to tell you the truth.
I've had previous with a man like that told the new gf I was a pyscho ect, when in fact it was other way about and took me years to get rid of him, I'd block him he'd show up again, if I was that bad why was he trying to sleep with me when his gf just had his kid, that was last straw and almost tipped me over the edge, I hated him from then on in, he still tries to contact me but I shut him down and ignore him. There maybe is some truth in what she's saying and getting frustrated you aren't listening to her.

Again ill repeat women don't act that way unless they've a reason. He's still chatting to her or leading her to believe something

Its really depressing reading this, I'd definitely advise going for counselling OP, even if you have to pay.

OMG no one gives a shit what this woman says, OP. You recount your chats with her as if they are Shakespeare. They are dull and she’s a skanky ass ho, like him. Buy a clue and block them both.

I think you have a bloke problem to be fair

For the umpteenth time, I have blocked her. She made up fake accounts to contact me. I've also blocked those and told her I'll go to the police. Since then she has been quiet.

I never asked her to contact me, and I've not responded to or acknowledged her messages (other than tell her not to contact me again).

OP, you did say that, sorry. Sounds like he was a cocklodger too and you’re well rid.

Dear god, listen to yourself woman. You are actually defending this fucking loser and still considering getting back together with him. Have some self respect.

That's great op but why don't you block HIM, the trash loser who brought this shit show to your door in the first place???

I get that posters were trying to advise re my Ex but that is a separate and much bigger issue which I am still dealing with.

It's not really a separate issue though, is it.

You've suffered this harassment and stress because of his cheating.

So he was going to move into your house as well - perhaps he didn't end the relationship partly because of that prospect/potential. (Though I think he'd just a common garden cheat full stop and would do it in any circumstances - he's obviously extremely motivated by sex/sexual variety, to have been on the sites in the first place and also to have continued seeing her and having sex with her in spite of her character & behaviour).

Apparently you're a catch - great, now you need to believe that too and move on so someone decent can catch you in time.

Why did he tell her your name?

You do also realise she’s probably just the tip of the iceberg and there are lots other women he’s shagged off that site too? She’s just the one you found out about because he (predictably) ended up meeting someone unstable.

This with bells on!! Admittedly I don't know about meet up sex sites, but obviously the appeal is meeting a stranger for NSA sex! Yes so far?

Then why the fuck would a man just shag one of these women? He'd be shagging other women too. Surely.

In answer to your original question, yup report her.

But before even thinking of getting back with him, do you really, in your heart believe that he's telling the truth about any of this?

He only shagged one of them? Have you asked him?

Get yourself tested at a STD clinic and cut the pair of them out of your life.

Fbdj it's good that she's gone quiet now, after your warning to her that you'd involve the police. Receiving those messages, especially the abusive ones, can't have been pleasant, especially with all the other stuff you have going on.

I too think your Ex is a wrong un, fundamentally flawed & selfish, but that's your call. The MN vipers are ultimately trying to help even if some are bluntly rude in how they've spoken to you in their comments.

However just to reiterate, she has no right to harass you, no matter how he's behaved.
You're the innocent party here.
And the police would and do take this kind of thing seriously if she doesn't stop.

She knew it was only ever casual, if she thought otherwise I'm sure she would have been monogamous. So why have a shit fit at me when she clearly wasn't interested enough in my Ex to stop sleeping with other guys?!
Sadly, this is the interpretation you've come to of her own experience. As you conclude, it doesn't make much sense and that's because it is likely not to be what it was. It might have started as casual sex, but things were said that let her believe it grew into more, and then when she thought they were officially in a relationship, and she realised that he was playing her, she decided to have casual sex again, indeed, to see if he was jealous.

Women who are only after casual sex and whose sex partner make it very clear that's all they are don't usually become angry, jealous etc... as long as they still get the sex. Which she did. It is rarely black or white though because emotions get in the way and what is casual can become more, and vice versa.

All this is so irrelevant though. It's totally normal to aim your anger at her, it really is. It's easy to think that if it hadn't been for her, it wouldn't have happened, except that it would, with another one. You were together, fresh in a relationship, yet you'd stopped having sex. In all purposes, it sounds like you were not together any longer.

It's up to you whether you want to give him another chance. You know him, we don't, but if you do, you need to focus on you and him, she is now totally irrelevant to your life. She contacted you persistently because she did too before and you responded to it. It sounds like she now got the message and will stop.

motoko he didn't need to tell her my name, she got it from Facebook. As one of my teen DCs said to me (not in relation to this as they know nothing about it thankfully) 'mum you have to be careful about social media, anyone could be looking at your photos'.

Thankfully still all quiet. I do appreciate at the advice about my Ex too, even if it didn't sound like I did.