To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

[Fbdj]

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

She is the least of your worries.... You will never ever know a peaceful time again if you get back with him.....

And for the record... 'He was just using her for sex'... What kind of horrible person says this. He's a pig. He has no respect for her, you or any other woman.

Some people on this thread are so disgusting! I can actually see them foaming at the mouth in excitement at the chance to pile in and shame OP for wanting to stay with her partner. FFS it wasn’t her question! And even if it warrants mentioning, there is a WAY to do it that isn’t super fucking hurtful and rude, insulting etc. Jesus Christ.

Op you say in your first post "More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex." That's why people have expressed concern that you might get back with him - because you say you are contemplating it. You are thinking about getting back with someone who will use a woman purely for sex.

To make it seem like it's her fault rather than his you are then painting her as a nutter and being very judgemental about the number of men she's had sex with. So no-one can really separate the "she's a vindictive loony" story from the "I have started dating him again" story because they're interlinked.

Sure, report her for harassment. But please do bear in mind that being single is great, and that there are men out there who will respect you and who don't use women in the way your (ex) DP does.

You can't blame her for knowing about you if the charmer involved was still shagging her. Sleeping with her didn't really send the message that you meant anything to him.

What does he suggest to fix the problem he's brought to your door?

He's blocked her as well and is not willing to contact her again to tell her to leave me alone, as that may spark her off again (at the moment it's only me she is contacting).

Wow. His actions cause you to be harassed by his floozy and he can't even be fucked to clean up the mess he caused in the first place.

I can't believe I'm reading this. Yes, she's unhinged, but your ex is a spineless waste of oxygen.

She chose to keep seeing him despite knowing about me.

And he couldn't resist obliging.

Poor guy.

You need to work on your self esteem OP. Nobody should be treated like that.

I don’t understand why people are being so vile to op?

@Fbdj you can make Facebook so that you are not searchable (is that a word?) but to be honest I would come off of social media for a bit. Shut both Facebook and Instagram.

I really hope things get better for you soon.

Some people on this thread are so disgusting! I can actually see them foaming at the mouth in excitement at the chance to pile in and shame OP for wanting to stay with her partner. FFS it wasn’t her question!

FFS @crispysausagerolls, it SHOULD be her question.

And "some people on this thread", far from being "disgusting" are actively & compassionately endeavouring to help the OP see that it doesn't matter what her ex's random shag says, does or thinks - what matters is that the ex joined a hook up site, lied, kept at least 2 (I bet it's more) women stringing along with his deceit, & OP is still contemplating ruinng her happiness, trust & lif by taking this arsehole back.

You've slept with a married man too but you're not the "baddie" because you felt bad after...

Not the same thing at all, why you can't see this is quite baffling.

OP I don't understand why you're getting so much hostility here.
To all the posters attacking OP. Shame on you! This is a forum for support.

Usually I'd agree, but do you honestly expect other women to sit back and say 'What a bitch! I think you should just block her and focus on mending your relationship with your totally unrepentant ex who enjoys finding women on the net to screw?'

Plenty of posters absolutely did sympathy for OP earlier in the thread.

I myself said the following:

You don't deserve for someone to make you sad and you can wait until you meet someone who is great and start with a clean slate, not have to try and overcome all this shit with someone who has treated you terribly. What would you tell your friend or daughter to do if they were in this situation? I hope you can be kind to yourself in the long run.

But OP didn't acknowledge people felt she had been treated badly by him, she only replied in anger, said to stop patronising her, told another poster that their partner could cheat on them too, needlessly corrected someone's grammar, told people to calm down when she was evidently riled up....

All in all no taking on board of anyone trying to be kind, only jumping on people with snarky comments and anger. It's no wonder that got people's backs up really.

OP I hope you sort all this out one way or another.

@Cuppachino

You're right, I apologised for misreading that upthread as soon as I realised

You're right, I apologised for misreading that upthread as soon as I realised

Oops sorry , yes I see that now.

Her behaviour is ridiculous, yes. So is your husband's and so is yours if you're thinking you can trust him again.

He has made you both act irrationally.

That said, if this doesn't stop, I would call the police, yes.

I lost patience with OP round about the point she said we were siding with the OW when precisely no-one had done that.

What we had collectively pointed out was that the real villain of the piece was her ex who was a having a great time playing both sides off against the middle and feeling cock of the walk as a result. And that OP was being a bit daft by allowing him to worm his way back into her life even as a "friend."

I think I've reached the point where I feel "there's no telling some people."

However, in the vain hope of a last minute glimmer of sanity: Block her (again), block him (by which I mean cut off all contact), change your privacy settings on social media so only people you have okay'ed can contact you.

Gosh he’s playing the two of you like fiddles. You are blindly going along with it. He’s telling her exactly the same things as he tells you. He tells her he just wants you for sex, you are nagging, controlling, don’t get him like she does.

Wake up op. He’s making a fool out of you. Stop letting him.

yep he's playing you both. He loves it and you're both fighting over this utter utter vile arsehole.

You can only control yourself, so why don't you leave them to it? There are decent men out there.

And yes she's utterly deranged to stalk you (and I too have had this experience) but ime the man will have plenty to do with causing this behaviour, paranoia, hate and spite (despite any heartfelt promises that he can't bear the drama - yeah). He's playing the pair of you.

And all the time you're forgetting what he's actually like and what you're worth.

Yeah your angry with the wrong person here, she might be a bunny boiler but he was the one shagging her behind your back. He's the one you should be pissed off with, not giving him a second chance to do it again.

Find some self respect and get rid of the scum bag and she will disappear too. And get a STI check.

It's irrelevant what OP's Ex has said to this woman. It's irrelevant wheither OP decides to talk to her Ex or not. OP asked if this woman is harassing her. Yes, she is. Her communications are unwelcome. She was told by OP not to contact her again and continued. Some are abusive and some not. Some of the abusive messages might be an offence in themselves in addition to harassment

The PP that wrote There really is no point reporting it to the police at the moment. They are unlikely to do anything unless there are specific threats that carry over into real life. This is not true . I work in this field and regularly work alongside police & Crown prosecution and courts concerning harassment charges as well as other charges. .

The police will visit her after your complaint, instructing her not to contact you. That police visit will draw a legal line. Your Ex will need to provide you or police her full name, address and telephone number. Do not respond to her again Save her messages for police and records of any (even missed) calls even if number withheld as they can check her phone later on if need be If things progress. If she contacts you after their visit, twice or more, even if messages aren't abusive/unpleasant, the police will look to arrest and interview her. She may subsequently get charged with offence of harassment . It is quite serious.

To be fair I dint think you’d be wrong to report her if she continues with the abuse, it’s not on at all, but OP, give yourself a bloody shake. He’s a scumbag.

OP is a victim as well as this other woman. Women seldom go unhinged or become very focused on their boyfriend's ex or OW/wife unless they were told differently or promised a commitment or in some sort of relationship. I think that's all PP are trying to point out that his story of it being a casual relationship is far from true from her reaction. OP's ex-partner is spinning lies on both sides. That woman shouldn't be contacting OP like that and she should by all means report her.

OP, you are deluded.

I agree with a pp who said I've got the answer I wanted. I agree, I have. But just to clarify a few points:

How did she know who I was? Well she knew his name of course. And looked him up on Facebook which at the time (because I was his partner) said he was in a relationship with me. There were profile pictures I had commented on, some of both of us, etc. So she got my name from there.

He's not slept with us both at the same time. Point taken re STI check nonetheless.

I own my own home. He was intending to move in with me. However our relationship wasn't in a great place (hence us not having sex) so we put that on hold. The reason he didn't split with me to fuck this one or others wasn't because I was providing a roof over his head. Mainly it was because he thought he could get away with it, and he didn't want to risk me meeting someone else because I'm kind of a catch apparently. He didn't think he would be able to get me back. So like an idiot he gambled on not getting caught, which is never a great tactic. And the rest we know.

Vanhi - it doesn't matter to me if she's slept with 1000 men per se. But she's acting like the wounded girlfriend, the poor innocent trying to elicit sympathy yet she was sleeping with other men constantly. She knew it was only ever casual, if she thought otherwise I'm sure she would have been monogamous. So why have a shit fit at me when she clearly wasn't interested enough in my Ex to stop sleeping with other guys?!

The good news is she's shut up since I said I'd report her to the police if she continued. She and the fake profiles are blocked. Hopefully the silence will continue.

Apologies for getting shitty with some posters. This is a difficult time for other reasons (recent bereavement and other health stuff) and this nonsense was something I could have well done without. I was pretty stressed and angry. I get that posters were trying to advise re my Ex but that is a separate and much bigger issue which I am still dealing with. I have read what's been said and have thought at least some of it myself. None of it was revelatory. But anyway, apologies for any venting at those who tried to help (but not those who called me an idiot...really no need!)

He chose to keep seeing her despite being knowing it hurt me

There, fixed that for you.