To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

[Fbdj]

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

Bin them both. Work on your self esteem and get someone who won't treat you like shit.

This woman is not your biggest problem.

I'd dump him again.
I wonder how many others he met on a dating site.
He actively searched out someone to cheat with.
If DP cheated as he fell for someone he knew in RL I'd consider forgiveness.
If he actively went online to find a fuck buddy I'd cut his balls off and dump him.
Move on from him and his crazy.

Also, you would be a "ridiculous woman" yourself to get back with him

You’re worth more than this, get rid of both and find someone who is less of a sleaze

She’s the least of your worries.

Tbh op, it does sound like the only anger you have is towards the OW. You need to raise your standards substantially. Your ex is a dirty scumbag. Do you not think you can do better or something? Agree with above poster, the three of you are ridiculous

Dump him.

Block both of them (in her case, again).

Lock down your social media so it's only visible to people you actually like to solve the problem of her creating new accounts. (This should be everyone's default btw unless it's an account you're using for business, charity, journalistic or political reasons where you need it to be publicly visible).

Honestly I’d take it as an omen and break it off with him for good (even as ‘friends’). Leave him to deal with his crazy girlfriend himself.

Do you have children with this guy? If not please don’t.
It seems like you are putting all the blame on her and giving him a free pass. You’ll never be able to trust him and are just prolonging the agony.

Tawdry as you say OP. Dump him. You know she comes with him and you have invited this into your own life so it seems bizarre to get upset that a crazy person acts.....crazy.

And she was continuing to shag other (married) blokes too, so she's certainly not some poor innocent who's been taken advantage of.

How do you know this? Is this what he has told you? Or has she said this in her messages? Maybe she was trying to make him jealous in a misguided way after he had treated her as a wank sock.

There's not just one ridiculous woman in this scenario. You think you are 'taking it slowly' and that this will make a difference in how he thinks of you, that you are not the same as this 'ridiculous' woman but he sounds like he's unable to make that distinction. Otherwise he wouldn't have met up with her for sex in the first place. He wouldn't have wanted to hurt you or diminish what you had together. Honestly, the odds are stacked against you, he's broken your trust before. What has changed, what steps has he taken to show you he has changed?
He only stopped contact with her at your insistence and was still sleeping with her, keeping her on the backburner when he contacted you, testing the water.

It's a real shitshow by the sounds of it. If I were you I would cut my losses and walk away from the sorry mess

this

I agree with Whatsinaname19
You both need to tell this appalling excuse for a man where to go. Lying, gaslighting and emotional manipulation can make people unhinged. Her behaviour is bad of course, but it is a consequence of his treatment of her. She may think that she loves him.
Your opening post is bitter about her, she is the focus, but she is not your problem, he is. Why would you even want to be “friends” with such a man ? Set your bar a bit higher .

You’re making all these comments about her but you don’t really know what he has, or hasn’t, promised her. You’re letting him off scott free. He’s the one who was in a relationship and cheated.

Honestly, you need to work on your self-worth. If you weren’t enough for him before, what makes you think that will change now?

Thing is, he will do it again. Not just have sex with other women behind your back, but manipulate and lie to them as well as to you. Because he clearly gets off on having women compete and fight for his magic willy.
Walk away from the whole thing.

There is not going to be a happy ending for you and this guy, although I’m sure you will find a way to convince yourself they’d might be. The OW is the least of your concerns and I have a degree of sympathy for her.

Its always the other woman thats sex crazed and deranged isnt it?

Find some self respect and have nothing to do with either of them.

Change you social media settings so she can't contact you.

Get tested for STIs

Move on with your life

Not going to comment on your relationship because that's not the question you've posed.

I'd personally ignore her messages. It will rile her to not get any response and she'll probably carry on for a while before eventually stopping.

If messages become threatening and it starts to become more worrying than an annoyance, then I'd look to report.

Wishing you good luck with whatever you decide relationship wise.

And stop calling him your partner!

He's your ex.

I'd see her as the universe sending you a real-life version of a red flag.

Do not get back together with this man.

Hi OP, yes you can report her. The key here is you aked her not to contact you again and he did. I've been in your shoes.

However, I am going to say to you that you need to cut ex off too. He won't change, he will cheat again and it's likely that he's cheated with far more people than just her. He is not a decent bloke. I'd get yourself STI tested immediately too. Again, I've walked this mile with my ex husband and the amount of affairs that have come to light. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

He brought all this on you. You know the worse you make her out to be, the worse he looks. Maybe she is unhinged, but he picked her to shag, it's his infidelity and poor judgement that has caused all this. It was just sex, is that supposed to be in his favour, he risked everything you had together just to stick his dick in another woman, who's only charm seems to be that she said yes. Yuck. Block her and dump him and it's likely you will never hear from her again.

I can’t get past the fact that you’re considering getting back with the man who 1) went on a casual sex site when you were together 2) had an affair 3) didn’t even stop sleeping with the woman when you found out 4) is STILL in touch/meeting up with her when you started talking and discussing going on dates with him!!! I think the woman sending messages is really the least of your problems if I’m really honest. Your post is acting like the OW is the bad guy! Omg is OBVIOUSLY your cheating scumbag of an ex who is the bad guy in this scenario! OW has probably also been led on by him ... you seem to just accept his version of events that it’s ‘just sex’ (as if that makes it better?) but that doesn’t mean he didn’t hint that it might lead to more. She’s probably also hurt... your ex sounds vile and like he doesn’t respect ANY woman. I will guarantee you that if you get back with him, he will cheat again. 100%.