To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

[Fbdj]

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

Honestly do women really put up with this crap?.

Why were you having long enough conversations with her / reading long enough messages from her to relay everything from her sexual history to the condition of your vagina?

Avocado, no he never asked who she was shagging. They were just casual so he wasn't expecting her to be exclusive. She told me there were 100s of blokes and she told him because she expected him to be jealous but she said he wasn't, which she didn't understand.

That's ok then. My reaction wasn't really about their exclusivity (of course it wasn't exclusive, they were shagging when he was in a relationship with you) but about his attitude towards a woman as being throwaway goods.

Tbh I'd be more upset my partner was cheating on me with someone he saw as just a fuck, because it would mean he saw me as someone worth losing for the sake of banging someone else he didn't even like as a person.

As if that wasn't enough, he continued to shag her after you found out and were, presumably, broken hearted.

People aren't having a go at you by saying he sounds gross, they're saying (well I am anyway) that surely you think you deserve better.

Of all the men out there who you could have a fun, loving, secure and honest relationship out there... you are putting your efforts into this one?

He doesn't deserve you or the second (well third / fourth / fifth / however many times he shagged her) chance you're giving him.

The thing I can´t get my head around is that he was still shagging the woman he had an affair with that ended your relationship WHILE he was talking to you about getting back together. And that you are actually consider it. I am all for "everyone can make a mistake" but there are limits. If he were at all sorry, at all interested in building a relationship based on trust with you in the future, he should at the very least have stopped having sex with other woman.

Yep, a tawdry tale indeed.

She sounds horrendous. Get the police involved if she continues with the harassment

Sorry I thought I'd answered about children. None together. My children (teenagers) are very fond of him. Obviously they know we are not together but not about any of this mess. I am hoping she does not contact them on social media but they have fairly locked down profiles so should not be easy to do so.

Well that's something.

I’d do as a fair few others have suggested, block both and walk away from the shitstorm.

Your ex cheated, for however long with a woman who wanted more from him (if she’s so happy being ‘liberated’ why did you think she wanted him to become a serious partner with her?) she then went to lengths to get what she wanted, as a result you found out your then partner was a cheat.

You split from him and he continued using this woman who apparently wanted more with him, for sex, now he wants to get back with you and paint the whole affair as the fault of the OW.

To be honest they both sound like dickheads and I can’t fathom why you’d ever contemplate trusting him again... I certainly wouldn’t as I’d spend the rest of the rekindled relationship (however long it would last) wondering when I’d be contacted again because he decided his sexual desires are more important than love trust and mutual respect

I feel like I need a bath after reading this thread. Bleurgh!

One of the great things about MN is that it reminds me how lucky I am with my nice ordinary marriage and family.

OP, ditch this awful, sexually incontinent, dishonest, unreliable, disrespectful, selfish man and his myriad of casual sex partners. She wasn’t the only one, you know that.

@Fbdj

Do you really want this OP? It just seems so sad that someone who hurt you so much was found out and then chose to do what had hurt you all over again.

The brass neck and ego on him to then expect yet another chance, but then the egotistical git was right as you've given it to him.

You don't deserve for someone to make you sad and you can wait until you meet someone who is great and start with a clean slate, not have to try and overcome all this shit with someone who has treated you terribly.

What would you tell your friend or daughter to do if they were in this situation? I hope you can be kind to yourself in the long run.

Especially as he actively went on casual sex sites so was looking for throwaway sex with random women while in a relationship with you. He could have left you, been single and shagged around as much as he liked. But he wanted the best of both worlds and to hell with the damage done to everyone else involved. Yuck, he really is gross.

He kept seeing her after you had binned him?. Shows what a knob he is, really.

As a PP said Your DP hasn't been led astray by the crazy mad nymphomaniac. - why are you focusing more on the woman he used and less on HIM using this woman?

He is the one you want to be in a relationship with - and you were, until HE shagged around. He will do it again - maybe with her, maybe with someone else, but he will do it again. Focus on what HE is doing to you, not her.

And @Messolini9 ^ is spot on.

And did you book a STD check yet, OP? Cos she might be a nice tight fleshlight, but HE is probably riddled with disease. < (really not envy!")

Ptumbi - my current focus is on her because she is the one harassing me. I've neither stated nor implied what went on between them was all her, of course it wasn't. But this messaging, being nasty to me, that is her and her alone. She is a grown woman. She chose to involve herself with him. If she's angry or upset now then that should be directed at him. I've not caused this!

We've not had sex this year so although I intend to have a check just to be on the safe side it's not been a priority arranging it today.

Please rethink taking your ex back. He betrayed you just for sex and even when it all came out, never stopped seeing her completely. Honestly? She's neither here nor there. Ignore her or report her. Your choice but please, please think more of yourself and don't take him back.

How can you not see through this OP?
It comes across like him sleeping with her "just for sex" isn't as bad as a loving relationship. And tbh, some may say it's even worse so.

Your ex-partner wasn't remorseful in the slightest, he continued to sleep with her.
And you still thought about taking him back?

Huge mistake, you can do without the shit show!

Think about it OP

The same way he can treat her is the same way he can (and possibly will) treat you.

The other woman is wrong for contacting you so much but I think she’s clearly angry. And that’s because YOUR partner, gave her ammunition and a reason to be so angry.

Have some self respect and walk away

They sound made for each other OP. Both shitty people, one abusing trust and love, one abusing and being spiteful over media.

With you, the common denominator of both their targets.

Yes you can report her and i would if this continues.

I would also block him and be relieved and hopeful to have both out of my life.

Don't you think you deserve better? Don't your kids?

I personally wouldn't go back to a man who would hurt me. It's done and his affair is still there. Let her have him, they deserve each other

Why on earth do you not value yourself enough to hold out for better than this disgusting 'man'? He doesn't love you. He thinks you're a fool.
Tawdry tale doesn't even begin to cover it. He is repulsive, your attitude to the whole thing is wrong and as for the other woman, well I just feel sorry for her tbh.

Yuck.

Oh god would you not be completely embarrassed to go to the police about this? It sounds like you’re both 15

I don't feel sorry for her in the slightest. She never tried to be honest with me, her main objective was to hurt and demean me.

If she is hurt that's her problem. That's the gamble you take when you start fucking someone who isn't single and available.

I don't view him as a prize. I do view her as pretty unhinged and hope she never contacts me again.