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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be considering reporting this ridiculous woman for harassment?

290 replies

Fbdj · 11/11/2019 11:39

This is all a bit of a tawdry tale but...

Earlier this year my partner started seeing another woman (N) behind my back. It was in essence an affair although he says (and she admits) that he told her it was only ever about casual sex. They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

Anyway, it all came out because N got hold of my social media details, and messaged me, then spent hours giving me a highly embellished version of the truth.

Partner and I split up. Her hope, as I understand it, was they would get together as a proper couple, start going on actual dates rather than just meeting for sex. That didn't happen and as I understand it they saw each other no more frequently than when he and I were together.

A few months ago he contacted me, and we started talking, just as friends. This kicked her off and she messaged me again with a load of vitriol. From that point contact between them reduced further.

More recently, after a lot of talking, I felt maybe we could try again, very slowly, just dating, no sex etc. But I said that he would have to cut N off completely (by this point he was only seeing her intermittently, purely for sex. She was also shagging a number of other men and had been throughout. She told me she hoped it would make him jealous and he would ask her to stop. He didn't).

Anyway, him telling her that he wouldn't speak to her again has set her off like a rocket. She sent me 4 messages yesterday on SM (before I blocked her). Before blocking I did message her back and clearly tell her not to contact me again.

Today she has sent 2 more messages from accounts she has created purely to message me, content is her generally being spiteful and vindictive. I will block her again but am I within my rights to report her for harassment if (as seems inevitable) she contacts me again from a new account tomorrow?

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 11/11/2019 12:39

You seem to be in a tangled web of two nasty spiders here,so best free yourself from this mess of a life.

BuildBuildings · 11/11/2019 12:40

Sounds like you've swollowed a load of shit from him. Sorry he had an affair but blaming her and focusing on her harassment isn't helping you. Each to their own but I'm baffled as to how you can consider getting back with him.

Deadringer · 11/11/2019 12:40

Oh and no doubt there were countless others you haven't found out about.

MumW · 11/11/2019 12:42

The OW sounds deranged, however, with an attitude like that, I'd want nothing more to do with this man.

tillytrotter1 · 11/11/2019 12:44

Old lady question but Why do people start or respond to these social media spats? Surely the thing most disliked is being ignored, nothing worse than trying to have a row with someone who doesn't respond! I still say that the best form of aggression is passive. I love it.

Savingforarainyday · 11/11/2019 12:45

Ah, so her being nuts absolves him?

summersherewishiwasnt · 11/11/2019 12:46

Are you crazy?
Don’t blame her, yes she is irrational and scorned
He, had committed to you, he lied, cheated and is working his way back into your affections.
Ffs find find some one decent to bestow your affections. You actually deserves you.

Anotherlongdrive · 11/11/2019 12:51

OP he was still using her for sex when it was clear that she was a bit fragile and wanted more. When she showed she would cause trouble and you split with him.....he carries on sleeping with her.

What does that tell you?

managedmis · 11/11/2019 12:51

You need something to fill your time. Do you work?

Pepperpot99 · 11/11/2019 12:56

What a vile pair, your ex and the OW.

They deserve eachother, you deserve better.

You won't ever trust him. Every time he is out and about you'll be worrying that he's shagging other people , which he probably will be. He sounds like a total wanker.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 11/11/2019 12:58

Is she 'harassing' you or is she telling you truths that you don't want to hear? I'm not sure 6 messages over 3 days is harassment.

I agree with all PPs that I would not be getting back with your bf. He didn't even stop having sex with her when you split up. He's shown no commitment to your relationship and made no effort to prove he has changed. You need to work on your boundaries and your self-esteem.

summersherewishiwasnt · 11/11/2019 12:59

He is a terrible human being, using her for sex when she made it very obvious she felt more for him.

billy1966 · 11/11/2019 13:02

@WorraLiberty

Exactly what she said.

You really have bigger issues than her if you knowingly get involved again with such a sleezebag.

💐

Sohololopopo · 11/11/2019 13:02

🙄

Cloverbeauty · 11/11/2019 13:03

They are both horrible people. You deserve far better than either of them. Run away quickly.

Sohololopopo · 11/11/2019 13:05

All three of you sound fucking mental

SoupDragon · 11/11/2019 13:05

They met on a casual sex type hook up site.

He actively sought casual sex whilst in a relationship with you. Why on earth would you get back with him?? An affair that happens just due to circumstances is one thing, actively seeking one is another.

Don't get back with him. He won't change.

VaggieMight · 11/11/2019 13:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

ptumbi · 11/11/2019 13:07

FFS why are you fighting over this turd? He uses the OW for sex - what does he use you for, OP? Is it Loves Young Dream? Answer - you might think it is; for him, it's 2 women fighting over his gold cock.

Drop him like the warm turd he is, and you will find that the OW will stop 'harassing' you. 'Let' her have him, she has won the fucking booby prize.

Move on with a stress-free, happy life. That's your win.

And GET AN STD CHECK! You've been sleeping with whoever he's been with, and whoever she's been with!

crosspelican · 11/11/2019 13:08

Oh OP, the world is literally crawling with men. There are actual BILLIONS of them. Out of all of them, this man has already actively demonstrated that he doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings, and HE is the one you are picking to to have a relationship with?

He was unfaithful to you and you had to proactively TELL HIM TO STOP SHAGGING THE SAME WOMAN in order to get back with you???

Please set a higher value on yourself and cut these dreadful people out of your life. I know nothing about you, but I can promise you faithfully, hand on my heart, that you are worth more than this.

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2019 13:08

Dump and block. Sorted.

crosspelican · 11/11/2019 13:09

I hear what you say about him, anď the decision I've made hasn't been taken lightly.

Perhaps, but it has been taken wrongly.

Blubluboo · 11/11/2019 13:10

You seen fixated on the point that he 'only had sex with her' almost trying to downplay the affair. What he did was awful and, in my opinion, you'd be silly to take him back. Have more respect for yourself.

Perunatop · 11/11/2019 13:13

Easily solved by ditching your unfaithful former partner. He is your problem as much as her.

QueefLatifah · 11/11/2019 13:14

Christ get some self respect and cut all contact with that twat. And she will disappear too. Win win!

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