WIBU to get a cat even though DH doesn't like them?

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

DH and I have been married 15 years. Growingup, I always had cats and other animals in the house, DH never did - his family just don't see the point of them.

When we met I accepted that I'd have to give up the idea of ever having pets but recently and increasingly I've realised how much I feel like I'm missing out. I'm quite low at the moment, on my own in the house a lot, and having a cat around would really help. We have 2 school age DDs who adore animals and would really love to have a pet (every year, a cat is top of the Christmas list), so DH is the only dissenter.

His arguments are the expense, the smell (I don't think cats smell personally - but do accept that could be because I grew up with them so am immune to it) and the general hassle of feeding, vets, catteries.

I feel like it doesn't have to impact his life too much - I will do the feeding, litter tray, vets trips etc. Though I get there will be an occasional time I am out and he will have to let it in, or deal with a bird or mouse in the house.

Of course if he puts his foot down and says no full stop, I am not exactly going to just turn up with one. But he is on the verge of being persuaded by the rest of us. AIBU even considering it, if he says yes but clearly is still not too keen?

Yabu.

Cats are much easier to care for than dogs in terms of they don't need walking etc.

As long has cat has access to outside, really not sure how he could object? Also a great lesson for DC in terms of responsibility etc.

Stick a cat flap in the door if possible? Then cat can come and go as it pleases and won't need letting in/out.

Yes. If my husband got a cat I'd be so upset. I really don't like them, really really don't. I couldn't share my house with one, I'm not allergic or anything but I wouldn't willingly share my house with something that might bring a half dead bird or rodent in. And I do think they smell personally. And they poo in the garden.

dammit

You cant expect someone to share a house with a pet if he doesnt like them

I would say unreasonable to get without his knowledge. Not unreasonable to continue to try and convince him.

Yabu.

You knew he didn’t like them and didn’t want them but chose to have a life with him anyway.

I really dislike dogs, but DH has them growing up. I told him that if we were to be long term he wouldn’t ever be able to have a dog as I dislike them and would never have one. He agreed.

Be careful. My mum brought home a pair of kittens when we were kids knowing my dad hates cats and the kittens were then relegated to outdoors for the majority of the time and allowed only in the conservatory when it was wet. It spoiled the experience and the cats grew up more feral than real pets.

I think you need to discuss realistically with your husband as it’s not fair on anyone to have a pet in a house where it’s not wanted by everyone. Cats can be very destructive and they can be stinky. They can also be loud and demanding. They are not necessarily the low maintenance pets that some people think they are. I have four and they take up a lot of my time. Even when we only had one he still needed a lot of daily input.

I think a frank discussion with your husband would be good and really listen to his concerns and don’t sugarcoat pet ownership in order to persuade him.

Hate to burst your bubble but cats reek. And expecting him to deal with dead vermin is abhorrent. YABVU

YABU. And cats stink.

It's his house too and he doesn't want a cat. Also litter trays stink, I can always tell the moment I walk into a house if they have pets just from the smell

I was hoping animal loving mn might back me up, but fair enough! I would get a cat flap def. But yes boom, DHs attitude is quite like yours

I would say unreasonable to get without his knowledge

I wouldn't do this!!

No YANBU. He won't be inconvenienced personally, as he won't have to do anything for the cat. He's being incredibly selfish just to say no without ant consideration for what other people want.. My dp said he didn't want a dog. I went out one day and got one. She was sitting on the sofa when he got home after work. "What's this?" he said. He loves that dog now. I often see him giving her a cuddle, and kissing the top of her head.

Cats don't reek, unless you have an unneutered male.

I don't think it's very fair that everyone in the house wants a cat except him so none of you can get one

Oh and I gave my yabu as a huge cat lover.
We have 5.... they rule the house and they stink. And are expensive with food, litter, regular flea & worming, annual vaccination, insurance and random vet visits.

But yeah, I think everyone has to be on board.

Do you have any friends with friendly cats that you could catsit while they are away to test the waters? That way you're not committing to getting a cat but your husband might come around.

I think it's hard when you've grown up in a pet free home to understand the fuss about pets. I begged and begged my parents for a dog when I was younger and they finally obliged when I was 15, neither of them had been bothered about dogs before that though didn't dislike them. They had similar concerns re: the smell, the commitment.

We picked the dog as a family (westie) and she instantly slotted into our family. In fact when I moved out at 22 my dad wouldn't let me take her with me because he was too fond of her haha! Sadly she passed away three years ago and I wasn't sure whether my parents would be bothered to get another dog now I'm not at home (I'm 29 now) and because I have two dogs that they regularly see, but in August they rang me up really excitedly to tell me they were getting another dog because the house felt too empty.

Some people aren't bothered because they don't know what it's like to have a pet and some people aren't bothered because they dislike a particular animal/pet. I guess it just depends which kind of person your husband is!

For the record I used to ask people relatively early in relationships whether they liked dogs because it would have been a total deal breaker for me not to be allowed a dog ever again.

Thanks all - I can see it from both sides so genuinely interested to see the balance of opinion. Which is clearly against!

I love our cats .
We had guinea-pigs for years that DH wasn't keen on - but he helped with mending their Pighouse, he'd feed and help clean if I was away .
He fed and cleaned when DD and I were laid up with flu (proper flu)
He'd phone and ask if I needed anything for the pigs (veg)

If he hadn't helped , there would've been times DD and I would've struggled .

But the cats-
Yes they're easier in a way .
Mine have a litterbox with Cats Best but it can niff a bit when they've just used it (we scoop straight away)

And they walk in front of us , deliberately (trying to kill us I reckon)
They can be fine on minute , swipe you the next .

Ours have a microchip catdoor .

Look into the ££ of everything. Ours cats were £80 each (CPL, neutered/chipped/vaccine) which is a load cheaper than going direct to a Vet . And why wouldn't you adopt a cat from Rescue

Door - we had to replace a glass door panel (£250ish) to put in the CatDoor (£50ish)

Then Insurance
Food
Boarding (I paid my teens when we were away)

If you don't like cats they are hard to live with .

Yep YABU. If my wife said she wanted a dog or cat, I would say no way. If she was adamant and said she was going to regardless, I would leave and not come back. I can't stand either.

It's his home too. If he has said no, I wouldn't even attempt to change his mind, it will just cause problems where it's not needed.

@AryaStarkWolf

Having lived with two neutered males (not my own) who made the whole house smell like a litter tray and scratched everything to pieces I'm firmly on DHs side here.
OP married him knowing how he felt

Luna we did at one point (lived near a cats shelter) consider fostering which might be a way of doing that.

The litter tray stinks.
My current ones are truly awful for catching animals and bringing them in. It's horrendous.
They've just started jumping up onto the kitchen worktop.
I can't have a Christmas tree as they can't be trusted with it.

Everyone in the house has to be on board with having a pet.

I think if he's on the verge of being persuaded and it's not that he hates cats or is allergic, you should keep up the campaign. Imagine the happiness once that furry face moves in. He will learn to love it....maybe.