WIBU to get a cat even though DH doesn't like them?

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

DH and I have been married 15 years. Growingup, I always had cats and other animals in the house, DH never did - his family just don't see the point of them.

When we met I accepted that I'd have to give up the idea of ever having pets but recently and increasingly I've realised how much I feel like I'm missing out. I'm quite low at the moment, on my own in the house a lot, and having a cat around would really help. We have 2 school age DDs who adore animals and would really love to have a pet (every year, a cat is top of the Christmas list), so DH is the only dissenter.

His arguments are the expense, the smell (I don't think cats smell personally - but do accept that could be because I grew up with them so am immune to it) and the general hassle of feeding, vets, catteries.

I feel like it doesn't have to impact his life too much - I will do the feeding, litter tray, vets trips etc. Though I get there will be an occasional time I am out and he will have to let it in, or deal with a bird or mouse in the house.

Of course if he puts his foot down and says no full stop, I am not exactly going to just turn up with one. But he is on the verge of being persuaded by the rest of us. AIBU even considering it, if he says yes but clearly is still not too keen?

I think fostering might be a good idea. My DH definitely didn't want a cat ever, didn't like them at all. We fostered a friends cat as a favour and then when the time came to rehome, he was completely smitten and we kept him and DH is now a cat person. We had to have him PTS a fortnight ago and DH cried the hardest

DH was adamant he didn't want any more cats after ours died, and tbf having two ancient smelly incontinent cats that hated each other was no fun. However pester power from the DC and promises he didn't have to do anything with them made him relent and we got two kittens. He didn't go near the litter tray. He also avoids flea and worming treatment or taking them to the cattery or vet "in case they don't like me anymore." He puts the heating on for them and insists I only buy certain food because they like it best and I cannot begin to describe the smugness he radiates when one of them sits on him. He also loves it when they join him in the garden.
I'd love a dog but I think that would be a step too far.

The trouble with getting any pet is you can't guarantee it won't be an inconvenience. Even a hamster may end up with some health problem that takes time and money with vets trips.

I know lots of people who thought cats won't be too much trouble only to then find they refuse to use a litter tray or cat flap, get stressed and wee or poo in the house, wake the family up in the ridiculous early hours... All the posters saying it not fair as its 3 against 1 or the cat wouldn't be his responsibility, the problem is it could end up impacting him negatively if things don't all go to plan.

You only need to look at the amount of cats dumped in rescues to see they aren't all nice, easy, low maintenance pets so if someone doesn't want to share their home with one, I think that has to be respected.

No, litter trays stink , if they are not cleaned enough.

This. They shouldn't stink if they're being cleaned regularly.

I'm not a cat person but my Dad died suddenly 2 years ago and my DD15 loved the cat and couldn't bear losing her too so we took her on.
She's a lovely cat. She goes out but only stays in the garden and has never come inside with a bird or mouse.
We pay £15 a month for pet plan which covers her flea and worming treatment, yearly blood tests and discount off dental care.
We use Catsan litter which we find the best and it doesn't smell.
I've really taken to her and I never thought I would!
But every cat is different so there's no guarantees with their nature/temperament.
She's a ragdoll so my only gripe is the hairs!

Carry on working on him, OP.
It works!
He will never be a cat lover, but he will learn to tolerate.

Mine did.

I love our cats and can understand why you miss having a cat, but I think yabu.

If your dh really isn’t keen, it’s not fair to push him into living with something he’s been clear he really doesn’t like. He will probably resent it sooner or later especially when inevitably it impinges on him negatively (ie dealing with dead ‘gifts’, or the cat throws up in his slippers).

It’s also not fair on the cat because I suspect it will know it’s living with someone that doesn’t like it.

we did at one point (lived near a cats shelter) consider fostering which might be a way of doing that

My cat fostering is different, but I would just say it's not necessarily a light option. My foster is likely to be with me for six months and, having been neglected, is something of a rehab project including a few vet visits. (It's all paid for but it takes time and effort.)

• Carry on working on him, OP. It works! He will never be a cat lover, but he will learn to tolerate. *

And what if he doesn't? It wouldn't work with me. Any cat or dog came here, the next breathing thing through the door would be me.

I like dogs, but I would never want to live with one, DH knows this so I would be very pissed off if he bought one home, actually to the point that I would say take it back or leave. PP have said that he wouldn't have to have anything to do with caring for the cat but what if the OP has a hospital stay, has to work away etc etc, assuming he is a decent human being he is going to have to look after an animal he doesn't want. To a person who doesn't keep animals yes cats do have a bit of a smell to them and their fur gets everywhere.

You are not having a pet to suit HIS needs but what about you? Why should he decide....tbh cats do stink and they are pretty annoying.

Is he just not a fan, in which case he can be persuaded. Eg I don't love dogs but if I had a DP who it was important to to have one, and DC wanted one, and they did most of the care, I'd be fine with it. Or does he actually hate / have a phobia of them? Personally I am terrified of birds and would check someone didn't have or want pet birds on date one or 2.
They don't smell btw, as long as the litter tray is kept on top of.

Don't do it. When I met my husband he had a big lively 7 year old dog. I don't dislike dogs, although wouldn't actively choose to have one. So... we settled into a relationship and I grew to love the dog to some extent - not a crazy dog loving amount, but enough. 7 years and two children later, the dog has been one of the biggest banes of my life. Two small children crawling through mountains of hair and getting covered in it before we leave the house (despite daily sweeping), poo clear up requirements, barking and waking the children when they were young, walking them when there is so much else to get done, smell in the lounge, constant begging at the table, scaring young child visitors etc etc. None of it bad dog behaviour, all very normal. The dog is now the grand old age of 14 and I wouldn't be without him in many ways, but when you aren't into having a pet, its just another chore, another to do. My husband takes care of most of it but the reality is as a family we still have to plan where he goes when we go away, we all get woken up by him scratching to go out, we all have to put up with the dog smell in the lounge and I have to pick up shit, because it can't be left for husband to get home all the time. So from my experience, even if you do persuade your husband, there is potential for underlying and growing resentment!

The abstract idea of a cat/ dog quickly becomes beloved Felix or Rover the furry person imo

How about fostering?

That way you have no vets bills, no food bills and you don't even have to worry about them if you go on holiday because another fosterer will take them on.

I bet one of the foster cats would end up staying.

He is being a selfish misery. Get a little kitty for the children.

YABU, sorry .

I really don't like cats at all. DD wants one (mainly because her 2 best friends have them). I'm afraid I think they smell - I'm talking about the cats, not the litter tray. Their bums smell and when they walk past, you get a whiff of it! I don't like them walking all over furniture, coming and going as they please, being a bit unpredictable with affection etc.

I do understand how you feel as I adore dogs myself, having grown up with one. But DH isn't keen so unfortunately, that's that. As others have said, all the adults in the house need to be 100% on board.

You could build a small catio (check ideas on Pinterest), and put the litter tray in there. Then you won't smell it indoors. Cats are so easy and a great first pet imo.

You are not having a pet to suit HIS needs but what about you? Why should he decide....tbh cats do stink and they are pretty annoying

He made it clear to her at the beginning of the relationship that he didn't want pets, she accepted this. A decision like this needs all family members to be in agreement.

I love all animals (esp dogs!) I am biased here ,but I think if children can share their home with a pet it makes them more caring .I think its unfair of DH to not consider a Cat at all TBH

I don't see why the person who doesn't want it gets to dictate to the rest of the family. I fail to see how it is fair to say "well he doesn't want it so that's it". Why doesn't he have to compromise. It has been a pet free home for years-why can't to OP have her turn.
Continue the campaign for conversion! Life is better with pets.

Dh didn't want a cat, we ended up with one by accident after finding a tiny, starving abandoned feral kitten, it was meant to go to local rescue but never left the house.

@sillysmiles

So it would be sensible to bring a pet into a household where somebody looks at it each day and thinks " I bloody hate having that thing here!".?

Not a good idea to me.

He didn’t even baulk at the last vet bill (over 1000 pounds)
That's enough to put me off tbh!

If he actively dislikes them YABU.If he just doesn't like them and would prefer not to have one, YANBU
Not sure I or even he could unpick that. He doesn't like them, but he has never really spent any time with them.

Very mixed responses overall! I will probably go with the consensus and not push it. I may look into fostering as a short term trial (and also because I think it's a nice thing to do for a homeless kitty) but only if he is on board.

Thanks all for your opinions and some lovely kitty stories and pictures

Cats do not stink if you have a non-caroeted floor and the right litter that is cleaned well (worlds best or cats best are a revelation for us!)

But yabvu to get a cat when dh doesn't want one. Any sane rescue wouldn't rehome to you if they know that dh doesn't want a cat.