WIBU to get a cat even though DH doesn't like them?

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

DH and I have been married 15 years. Growingup, I always had cats and other animals in the house, DH never did - his family just don't see the point of them.

When we met I accepted that I'd have to give up the idea of ever having pets but recently and increasingly I've realised how much I feel like I'm missing out. I'm quite low at the moment, on my own in the house a lot, and having a cat around would really help. We have 2 school age DDs who adore animals and would really love to have a pet (every year, a cat is top of the Christmas list), so DH is the only dissenter.

His arguments are the expense, the smell (I don't think cats smell personally - but do accept that could be because I grew up with them so am immune to it) and the general hassle of feeding, vets, catteries.

I feel like it doesn't have to impact his life too much - I will do the feeding, litter tray, vets trips etc. Though I get there will be an occasional time I am out and he will have to let it in, or deal with a bird or mouse in the house.

Of course if he puts his foot down and says no full stop, I am not exactly going to just turn up with one. But he is on the verge of being persuaded by the rest of us. AIBU even considering it, if he says yes but clearly is still not too keen?

Don’t do it. DH hates my cat (had him before we moved in together) and it causes a lot of resentment. Especially when money is tight.

The cat was unwell recently and spent a week at the vet, I won’t tell you the total of the bill but it was eye watering. I’m 100% sure he resents spending so much money on an animal he doesn’t like.

Imagine if this is I want a baby my dh doesn’t . No one would think it was ok.

Yes because getting a cat is directly comparable to having a child

If he's clearly not keen, but says yes, I'd say go for it! He'll probably grow to love it.

You really need to find out how your husband actually feels about this. If he actively dislikes the idea, it's a no-no. If he just thinks it's a faff, there's no reason not to go ahead.

I've considered getting a dog very actively, though I don't particularly like them - it was because DD in particular really wanted one. I didn't in the end, because we're out all day and I thought it wouldn't be a kindness to the dog. But if there'd been a way round that, I would have gone for it because I know DD would have absolutely loved it.

And they poo in the garden.

Nah, they shit in everyone else's garden.

I really wouldn't get one if he's dead set against it OP, it'll lead to resentment.

My dh isn't into pets, but I had always had and loved cats.

We didn't have a cat for many years, as we lived by a main road and it was too risky, but as soon as we moved to a quieter street I insisted we got a cat - I'd lived without one for too long.

And honestly, the cat doesn't bother dh. If your dh never strokes it or feeds it, then it won't seek him out around the house. If he leaves it alone, it will leave him alone.

I accepted when I married DH that I would never get a cat - he had never had a pet and thought he was allergic. Then, after our wedding he got me a kitten. All I will say is that cat had a long and happy life and so has our marriage - now heading for 30 years and cat number 2, which DH loves even more than I do. Don't give up hope!

TheNavigator that's lovely

No.
Not all cats are easy and placid.

Ours can be quite destructive and scratchy with furnishings, that alone will cause serious tension if DH wasn't massively keen on the idea to start with, I love our cat and even I feel murderous if I discover claw marks on my sofa, bed etc.

We can't have rugs as she wees on them.

Christmas is frustrating, she loves to eat the fake snow off our Christmas tree especially.

I have to laugh when people say cats are so much easier than dogs.
No doubt some cats are, but our cat has been harder work than our dog.

Cats are very low maintenance pets.
They don't smell, but they do she'd, may cause damage if you don't meet their needs and you need to factor in the costs of vets, etc.
They're neat, clean animals.
If your DH is indifferent it's unlikely to have much of an impact on him if you have a cat.

I thought cats were relatively independent and easygoing till I actually got one, it was a nightmare. It was litter trained when I adopted it and did use the tray but also liked to pee everywhere else too... Traipsed to the vets for advice numerous times, tried expensive feliway plug ins and different types of litter/trays. Nothing worked at all, the vet just said it was behavioural and the thing with cats is, unlike dogs, they cannot be behaviourally trained. Once they start something such as spraying/peeing/shitting around the house it will continue. I had to give it to a shelter after two years, I couldn’t cope with it anymore. It ruined numerous things including one rooms entire flooring which had to be replaced. I had to give up on bath mats and door mats because it always peed on them. It also peed on my DC’s clothes and toys. I hated it towards the end tbh. It was a shame because my DC and I really wanted a pet for a long time but it was by no means an easy pet to own.

Your DH has his reasons not to want one, I think you should respect that. Cats do stink if you have a litter tray, there’s no real way of getting around that because their pee is so potent.

They can also be destructive with their claws. The Christmas tree was always fun, it nearly ended up on its side a fair few times. I don’t think cats are easy pets to own at all purely from my own shitty experience. My friend had a cat that started shitting in the house so I actually considered myself lucky in comparison. They’re stubborn animals, once they have a bad habit it sticks.

onioncrumble - what?

Side note - this vote started as more skewed towards YABU, but has evened up as the day has gone on. I wonder if cat people are more active/awake/opinionated later in the day?
As you were

They're neat, clean animals.

Not when they're disembowelling a pigeon in your living room they aren't.

Of course YABU. He shouldn’t have to share his home with an animal he doesn’t want, and yes, it will impact him no matter how much you insist it won’t.

Cats do smell (all pets do - anyone who says theirs don’t are noseblind to it).

Ultimately it’s like having another child, the one who doesn’t want one trumps the one who does. You knew he didn’t want pets when you got together so he hasn’t pulled the wool from under you.

Trying to push him into saying yes will just lead him to resenting the animal and driving a wedge between you, and then life with it will be miserable anyway as it will always be a bone of contention.

Yeah, I wouldn’t reccomend a cat flap, you’ll get all sorts brought in. Ours just sit at the back window when they want in, which means if they’ve been on a murder spree we can keep them out!

I think if he’s dead against, don’t push it, but if he’s open to persuasion then you might as well have a go.

My husband is actually allergic to cats and I got one...but he is a bloody soft touch and worries more about her than I do!!!

Yep YABU. If my wife said she wanted a dog or cat, I would say no way. If she was adamant and said she was going to regardless, I would leave and not come back. I can't stand either.

^This

@katseyes7 kittens bloody stink.
Also depends on the food they are fed.

If he can be persuaded, YANBU.

Doing it without his agreement, or if there are allergies or sensitivities, YABU.

If it helps. a friend got a dog despite her DH being dead against. He caved on condition that he had no responsibility for it, and he meant it, so she had to arrange sitters for it when she went out. Several years later they are both devoted dogparents to two dogs.

You never know, he may come round.

Several years later they are both devoted dogparents to two dogs.

Myimaginarycathasfleas There’s no such thing as a “dog parent”. They are dog owners. They own the dog, they are not its parent.

That kind of thinking leads to untrained animals that are mollycoddled and treated like children rather than the well behaved, well trained pets they are meant to be.

Yes YABU, don't do it to the poor man. I had a cat foisted on me, and after five years I'm literally at the point of leaving my (otherwise absolutely lovely) DH over it. The cat and I hate each other. I hate going into the kitchen because I can't stand the fact that it poops in a box there. DH never wants to go on holiday anymore because it's a 'hassle' because of the cat. DH doesn't pay his share of bills anymore because he has flipping cat food and vet bills to pay. There's hair everywhere. The cat never shuts up and keeps me up at night. I spend all day tiptoeing around hoping that the cat won't notice me, else it will come and take a swipe at me. DH wakes me up ridiculously early by 'having to' go and feed the cat. Honestly, I am SO ready to throw the both of them out, you wouldn't believe it.

My family got a cat when I was a child despite me really not wanting one.

I hated it.

I felt really ill at ease in my own home as I am not a fan of animals, it lived for years and so when I was older and my parents were away I had to look after it and really resented it and it brought loads of dead rodents and birds in and was always puking.

It has put me off pets for life!

Well I’m in favour of convincing him if it can be done without guilt tripping or other forms of underhanded means.

You’ve said you won’t just foist it on him and if his concerns are purely about whether or not he will have to pick up on the care of the cat then that can be easily sorted, just make sure he won’t have to.

I rescued two lovely disabled (from birth) cats who are perfectly healthy, one has radial hypoplasia (bent front legs) and the other has one shortened front leg, as a result they’re tiny and remain indoors (and are perfectly happy indoors) they’re also really calm so it depends on the cats temperament as to how destructive/messy/noisy they’ll be.

My Stepdad was wholly against pets for as long as I’ve known him, my younger sister (his DD) has since managed to convince him to get a dog, guinea pigs, a snake and a ferret, he secretly adores the ferret and the dog - not too keen on the snake or guinea pig but my DSis looks after them well so he doesn’t mind so much anymore

I have four cats all told and apart from the odd accident when litter tray training they’ve not been too messy. The litter tray can and will reek if not properly maintained - but since having DD and DS (twins) we’ve had multitudes of visitors (family, friends and health professionals) and not once has there been a noted concern of cleanliness or smell from them.

If you do manage to convince him and after getting a cat he expresses that he simply can’t get on with it being in the house, be prepared to have to rehome, which would be terrible for the cat, as a PP suggested maybe fostering a cat first would be preferable to see if he can manage with one in the house but so your DC know that it isn’t necessarily a permanent resident? Good luck OP - I love cats and mine have helped me through a lot of emotionally stressful times