WIBU to get a cat even though DH doesn't like them?

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

DH and I have been married 15 years. Growingup, I always had cats and other animals in the house, DH never did - his family just don't see the point of them.

When we met I accepted that I'd have to give up the idea of ever having pets but recently and increasingly I've realised how much I feel like I'm missing out. I'm quite low at the moment, on my own in the house a lot, and having a cat around would really help. We have 2 school age DDs who adore animals and would really love to have a pet (every year, a cat is top of the Christmas list), so DH is the only dissenter.

His arguments are the expense, the smell (I don't think cats smell personally - but do accept that could be because I grew up with them so am immune to it) and the general hassle of feeding, vets, catteries.

I feel like it doesn't have to impact his life too much - I will do the feeding, litter tray, vets trips etc. Though I get there will be an occasional time I am out and he will have to let it in, or deal with a bird or mouse in the house.

Of course if he puts his foot down and says no full stop, I am not exactly going to just turn up with one. But he is on the verge of being persuaded by the rest of us. AIBU even considering it, if he says yes but clearly is still not too keen?

If he says no then YABU. If he says "meh" and you are prepared to do everything, then take yes for an answer. My DH isn't fussed on cats but he accepts mine so long as I do everything. Which I'm happy to do because I love cats. If I go away and he stays at home I get the cats boarded.

Oh , one of the first things I thought (In MAY when we got them) was

I cannot have a proper tree . I might get away with pre-lit but no baubles . No flashing liughts .
Even then they little ratbags might wreck it

If your DH feels like Boom45 does, that's a no. Sorry!

Also, having recently acquired a cat after many years without, I really think my carpets will need a clean when he's gone And he's only been here a couple of months. That's aside from the litter tray which is vile.

It's difficult if your DH isn't a pet person. Are there other pets he could be persuaded into - guinea pigs are v cute. They're vegan so though their litter does smell, it's nowhere near as vile as an omnivore's.

Or could you get your pet fix another way - any neighbours who have a dog that would like an extra walk, or a cat to feed and play with when they are away?

I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable. I really feel for you as I'm a dog person and would be really upset if my oh didn't want a dog, but all adults in the house have to be on board with a pet.

You say he wouldn't be too inconvenienced, but that's if it all runs smoothly. I've read many a post on here where peopes cats have suddenly started messing in the house and the stress of that, or big vets bills or long illnesses, it's unfair to potentially put that in someone who doesn't want one.

I agree it's harsh saying no to any pet, could you sit him down and seeif there is a pet he may consider? Whether that be a small furry caged, reptile or something simple like giant african land snails, so the kids can experience having a pet to care for?

I love our cats but they’re always bringing gross things in as gifts..... sponge scourers, goldfish, cheese sandwiches wrapped in cling film, an unopened pack of bacon, severed chicken feet, dead (and sometimes living) animals, lots of random takeaway leftovers. Makes me feel sick.

YABU. It's his house also. My husband got a bird, knowing I don't like them and it pissed me right off. All of you have to be on board.

But he is on the verge of being persuaded by the rest of us.

Genuinely persuaded or just browbeaten into submission? Be honest :)

Why should you have to accept that there is no cat just because He does not want one? It's 3:1. Tell him he's being unreasonable.

He would consider reptiles - tortoise or iguana maybe. I like them enough but none of us are quite as bothered about them as cats, so that idea tends to fizzle out

Yabu, I hate dogs and wouldn’t want to live in a house with one, infant I wouldn’t. So if he doesn’t like cats then I imagine he feels the same. Also cats litter trays absolutely do stink!

I couldn't live with a cat

YANBU, but the problem is that you've accepted your DH putting his foot down on no pets for this long, that's your mistake.

My own DH hated cats, didn't want the hassle of pets full stop, but I was never going to live in an animal fre household & told him so I might have also said he was a miserable bossy gut

DH is now the family cat magnet & cried like a baby when we lost one to kidney disease last year, he's very much a convert & says he can't imagine living without cats now, but wouldn't be that way if I hadn't put my foot down. You have just as much right to do that as your DH

If he really doesn't want a cat, getting one will ruin what he calls his home for him, and that is unfair. Is there no other pet you could get that he would agree on? Maybe a rabbit that can be kept outdoors? Look, some people just don't like having pets, and you have to respect that.

I really - really - want a dog, but my partner says no, as he knows that DSS will not look after it (despite promising that he will) and that I am often incredibly busy with work, so it might be left to him to walk it sometimes. He doesn't want to have to do that, so we aren't getting one.

Honestly, I think you're being unreasonable. I'm exactly the same as you. 15 years married, two kids, raised with cats and dogs and rabbits and so on. DH wasn't (although I think they had a dog) I wouldn't mind having a cat. DS2 desperately wants a cat.

DH hates cats. He doesn't like dogs much, but he really hates cats. He can't abide being in my stepmums house when we visit (rarely) because of all the cats. (I don't think there's many, maybe four, but it was double figures when I was a kid)

She managed to turn my dad around, but my DH does not have the capacity to change his mind about something like this. We have a new build home and he is currently not speaking to his mother (its not a rare thing, that) because she brought the dog with her last week after we asked her not to.
She had said 'oh we'll leave it in the car' but she didn't. So he asked her to keep it out of the kitchen and the lounge. She and her DH then sat in the play room with the dog until they left - in protest (there's nowhere comfy to sit in the playroom - a child's stool and a piano stool). DH stayed in the living room. And I sat there with his mother trying to make small talk whilst sat on the floor with my fricking dodgy hips.
I offered to take the dog out, or stay with it so they could go in the living room, but they all stuck to their guns. Fucking infuriating the lot of them. Anyway. I digress.

I would hope that if I disliked an animal as much as DH, that he wouldn't disregard my feelings in the matter.

I feel the same way as your DH. I know that let's bring love, teach DC responsibility etc.
But I'm afraid I just don't like them.
Also, you can't say there will be no impact on DH. Vets bills, feeding, smell, damaged furnishings, dead birds, being obliged to be nice to neighbours so they feed cat while you're away etc.
YABU

I think it's a shame he's refusing when everyone in the house wants one. A pet definitely helps with your mental health too. A cat is much lower maintenance than a dog, and if OP is willing to do all the work involved in looking after it then I don't see the problem. The cat will barely impact on him at all, but will make his family happy.

My Dad felt much the same way as your DH but my Mum just went out and got a kitten in the end. My brother and I were leaving home, she was alone a lot, and she wanted another presence in the house. And yes, like many other people here, he did grow very attached to her and was devastated when she died a couple of years ago. It really boils down, as someone else said, to whether it is positive hatred or ambivalence.

But then - I’m a cat lover and wouldn’t be without mine, stinky litter and all (tbh, if you clean out the tray and deodorise it every day it doesn’t smell).

My DH was the same. I won the argument (after 15 years too!) and our little furry guy has completely won DH over. To the extent he takes time off work/works from home if the cat is ill and needs taking to the vet/ monitoring at home (the cat has had a couple of big illnesses in the last two years)
He didn’t even baulk at the last vet bill (over 1000 pounds) and suggested we buy the vet staff chocolates because they looked after the cat so well. He has never suggested this for any of our children’s doctors.
He still pretends the cat is a nuisance but evidence suggests otherwise.
So there is hope OP!

Yeah YABU. He might fall in love with the cat, or he might spend the next 20 years wishing it wasn't there. I already had my cats when my DP moved in and while he helps to look after them and does give them attention, he doesn't particularly like them or enjoy living with them - he puts up with them. Cats live a long time for someone who isn't really that keen on them to put up with. And I find them much more detrimental to the house than the dog too.

Why should you have to accept that there is no cat just because He does not want one? It's 3:1

Why should he have to accept living with an animal bringing other dead animals into a house he lives in just because OP wants one?
And the two school age DDs can have an opinion with as much weight as an adults when they are adults
It's 1:1 and the person who doesn't want something trumps the person that does. Same with having more children etc.
Can't believe the selfishness here! If you want a pet, marry someone who agrees

I’m having the same issue with DH and a dog, although I do think a dog is even more of a commitment than a cat (certainly smellier too!). It breaks my heart to think I’ll never have a dog, so I keep up the campaign, but at the same time, I wouldn’t get one unless he cracked!

Sorry OP. Hope he agrees.

People talk about cats as being less work because they’re independent. But actually they’re far more hard work because they’re independent, because they’re not like other animals which are either confined or which you can train to do/not do certain things.

If you have a litter tray then it will stink. Cats on their own don’t necessarily if they only go outside, but with a litter tray then yes absolutely they stink. They shed hair, they bring home dead things, they will walk on your worktops and your table and climb your curtains and pull down your Christmas tree. And these are things you will never ever be able to teach them not to do, because even if you can train them to not go on the worktops while you’re home, they’ll go on them while you’re out.

And not all cats are cuddly needy creatures, some are independent who only want attention when they’re being fed. Some are just vicious little bastards for no other reason than they can. And they’re a tie. If you want to go away you have to arrange for someone to come and feed/let them out or alternatively pay for them to go into a cattery.

Even though 95% of the time cats are lovely, the other 5% makes it worth not having one.

Also, many cats are run over and killed or seriously hurt which can be a distressing experience. In fact I have had cats for years and years, and after they passed I adopted one from Battersea who sadly was run over and killed, and that made me decide to never have another cat because the sadness over her being killed which is not a unique or rare experience was just too much.

It really depends whether he is indifferent or would really hate them or is allergic.

For me, someone hating cats would have been as much a relationship deal breaker as not wanting children or not having the same attitude to money. I always made it clear to DH from the start that my parents' cats were in fact my cats and I had made an agreement that once I had a place of my own that was suitable, the cats would be coming to live with us. He was more of a dog person and indifferent to cats, having never really experienced living with them but agreed that we would take on my cats. (Though one of the the things I loved about him was that he is soppy about children and small furry creatures generally).

We did take on our cats and I did all the leg work with them, particularly with the female cat when she became elderly and needed a lot of tlc. DH became very, very fond of the younger male cat, he would always pick him up and cuddle him when he came in, there was quite a bromance. He was also very highly entertained by cat antics generally. We still have two (other) cats, and also a dog now. He generally accepted that I come with animals attached.

If he actively dislikes them YABU.
If he just doesn't like them and would prefer not to have one, YANBU.
My DH didn't want our cats and went with "I won't stop you if everyone else wants one but I'm not looking after them in any way."
That works fine.
The rest of us have pets we love, he quite likes one of them and I do the pet care. They've been a real source of comfort to one of the DC when going through mental health issues too.

YABU. And cats stink.

No, litter trays stink , if they are not cleaned enough.