To think that very few people really care about others mental health?

[Whitehorseinthehill]

I keep seeing things on social media about Mental Health awareness. Also people always say that you should talk to someone, speak out.

We get a lot of emails circulating at work about mental health.

My experience is that in reality it is not only extremely difficult to get any type of meaningful medical care, but people don't actually want to hear about it.

When most people ask how you are, they don't really want the truth if it's not good.

I think if someone says to you. ‘Hi you alright?’ What they are expecting us for you to say ‘yeah I’m good thanks, you?’

Not sure if it’s expectation that people naturally respond this way or a lack of desire to genuinely know how people are. I do think if someone were to tell me how they really felt, and it wasn’t positive, I’d listen, and be glad they told Me but probably feel awkward too.

Most people who post gushing social media posts neither understand or give a flying fuck about the mental health of those around them. It’s virtue signalling.
Also the idea of speaking out isn’t actually bad but generally it’s professional help that’s needed. I hate the idea that telling a friend you’re low is a complete solution. It isn’t always that easy.

People want to hear all about how you were traumatised, had a terrible time, then did some therapy, went on a retreat, decided to quit a lucrative job to become a yoga teacher in the sun, surviving on warm air and rays of sunshine.

What they don't want to hear is what it's actually like having a chronic (relentless) mental health condition. At all. If there's not a "I took responsibility for my mental health and lived happily ever after" they don't want to know about it.

The trouble is, however much you think you care, there is so little you can actually do. The entire medical profession knows so little about it, it's really not as simple as encouraging people to get help, which is the message that's always given out.

It IS extremely difficult for people suffering with poor mental health to get decent medical care. I have a close friend who, at face value, has everything going for her - she's super-smart with a very senior role in a large firm, she's beautiful, incredibly sharp and funny etc. but she has very severe depression (to the point of self-harming and suicidal thoughts). Out of sheer desperation she's paying thousands of pounds to private psychiatrists and treatment facilities because she wants to get better so badly, but got nowhere with the NHS. She's haemorrhaging cash, not improving from what I can see, and I'm so worried that all this private stuff - her last resort - isn't going to help her. It's terrifying.

• People want to hear all about how you were traumatised, had a terrible time, then did some therapy, went on a retreat, decided to quit a lucrative job to become a yoga teacher in the sun, surviving on warm air and rays of sunshine.

What they don't want to hear is what it's actually like having a chronic (relentless) mental health condition. At all. If there's not a "I took responsibility for my mental health and lived happily ever after" they don't want to know about it.*

Yup 👏🏼👏🏼

I don't think it's often that they just don't want to know.
It maybe that they just don't know what to say and what they can say and are worried about making it worse. So they just say nothing.
I have a friend with severe MH issues and I do think thrice about anything I say to her because I worry I could set her off by something what to me sounds absolutely fine, but her brain takes it in badly. And yes. Sometimes I rather say nothing at all, sadly

^*People want to hear all about how you were traumatised, had a terrible time, then did some therapy, went on a retreat, decided to quit a lucrative job to become a yoga teacher in the sun, surviving on warm air and rays of sunshine.

What they don't want to hear is what it's actually like having a chronic (relentless) mental health condition. At all. If there's not a "I took responsibility for my mental health and lived happily ever after" they don't want to know about it.*^

Totally agree.

It’s quite difficult to offer meaningful support, you can feel overwhelmed and out of your depth quite quickly.

What strategies have you found useful when you’ve offered help to people struggling with their mental health OP?

Totally agree.

And my workplace is one that can have an impact on mental health so have 'mental health champions' and we can ask for counselling and other services through these mental health schemes. Yet I emailed HR and one of the 'mental health champions' about a situation in the workplace that I was finding very stressful and they didn't even acknowledge the stress I was under. In fact they didn't even want to look at the situation at all until I sent them some evidence of why I was so upset, when they realised that actually they better do something to protect their own backs. They did a whole month of encouraging health and well being, but not one single mention of mental health.

People like to look like they care, but in reality the vast majority of the time, they really don't.

I've not had that experience- any friends I've talked to about mental health have responded very supportively and have been very interested. I choose the people I talk to about it carefully though.

What strategies have you found useful when you’ve offered help to people struggling with their mental health OP?

I find it helpful to at least acknowledge how someone's feeling as being real. I'm certainly not suggesting that people have the answers, because mental health is complex.

It's pure virtue signalling, it's easy to repost something, I've had friends pretend they care, they don't.

Look after yourself OP.

They absolutely don't and the evidence is everywhere on MN

From the lonely, desperate Mums with no friends

Vs

People desperate to get permission to ghost a friend who has mental health issues or in fact anything that means being more than a fairweather friend to them

We have become a very selfish society

Also with MH the first couple of times you have a spell, (and I was just discussing this with a friend recently) people are all ears, later they act like it's a "choice" or "you could manage it better, you choose not to" "are you off your meds?" When none of the above is true and they are just clutching at straws to back off.

3 years ago nearly, my cousin visited and invited me to the cinema the following week. He didn't turn up and I haven't seen him since. This is the sort of shit you end up expecting when you have health issues and your willingness to get to know people and trust people suffers massively, because you're sick of being championed by someone suddenly who drops you when the novelty of you wears off, and makes you feel like you were the problem all along.

I'm in the same boat, OP. For all the talk of mental health awareness, a lot of people genuinely do not give a shit about mentally ill people, or expect us to magically become better and then get upset when we don't.

I have friends and family who really struggle with their mental health. Agree you can quickly feel out of your depth when conversations come up but I feel it's really important to listen and offer support when it's asked for.

On the other side of things I'm also a line manager for several staff with MH issues and it can be incredibly difficult to offer them the time and support they need whilst keeping a service going for our users. We had a MH awareness week recently but I felt it was just lip service as it's a huge and growing issue where I work.

I've just left a job where I was supposed to counsel children with mental health issues. I had mh issues of my own which were entirely work related. They offered me zero support and made me feel like shit for not coping. I'd worked there for over 10 years, had minimal sickness (something like an average of 2 sick days per 3 years) and was made to feel as though I was some kind of freeloading bastard for getting signed off. You're 100% right op and it's very sad.

I think generally people care, but practically aren't often in the position to offer the support the sufferer wants or needs. Whether that's because they have their own mh problems or other pressures and problems and simply don't have the headspace to support someone else.

Even if someone would like to help, it's often beyond their abilities to do so. It can be overwhelming and emotionally draining to be someone's "support", if it goes on for very long.

Sometimes people try to offer suggestions and sympathy, but there's only so much they can do before the relationship suffers. Everyone has problems of some sort, and if they feel that their role in the friendship is to always offer support with no reciprocation, they may begin to distance themselves out of a sense of self-preservation.

I think we should expect friends and family to be willing to step up in an emergency, to lend an occasional sympathetic ear, and (when possible) to steer us toward the correct channels for accessing professional help-- but we shouldn't expect them to take the place of professional help or to be always "on call" (as though their own lives are perfect and uncomplicated).

I agree
So whilst it’s encouraging it’s mentioned it’s very early days

And as for the posts

‘I Am
Here for a cuppa ‘

So I’ll just rock up shall I ? Fuck off

Didn't take long for the MN standard

"Yes, it's all very sad but who has the time/energy for that ?" apologists to show up

What people are you talking about, OP? Friends? Family? Colleagues? And what kind of support do you want from people outside the medical/therapeutic profession?

I agree with you OP. I work in a shop and no matter how sick or depressed I feel I answer 'I'm good thanks, how are you?'

I agree, people on the whole couldn't care less, that's why when people say 'you need to reach out and talk about mental health', it's like, what is the actual point? None of my friends or family could give a flying fuck, they're busy, overworked and unhappy too lol. That's just being an adult, right?